Graduate / I just started my law school personal statment. is this a good start? [3]

I think ourThe ability to change ourselvesone's self in order to adapt to a new environment is one of the most important skills that a person can have.and I had to learn thosethat skills very quickly sincewhen my life completely changed overnight. I wasAt 14 years old,when my family was forced to move to America and I had to change myself in order to live and succeed and survive in this new country.

Back in Armenia, my father was fightingfought against privatizations of a research laboratory in Armenia -where he was the lead researcher. During thatAt the time,people started to threaten my fatherMy father started receiving threats that theyWho's they? were going to hurt him and our family and we decided to leave our country and seek asylum in America. The decision to move was made swiftly and I did not havethere was no time to really understand what this meant for me and my family. My parents and I left my little brother, who was 11 at the time, back home and started our life in America WHY?? . The change was tremendous and all of us had a hard time adaptingadjusting to the new environment. None of us spoke English and that was the first obstacle I had to overcome in order to succeed in America. elaborate more on this.

You might want to elaborate more on the struggle to learn English, and also maybe one more sentence on what your father was fighting against back in Armenia, it sounds vague right now. Good job on this start though!

Scholarship / Subjects you've had difficulty with. [3]

History is nothas never been my subject,.becausehistoryIt has never excited me, it never caught my attention, it never made me smile, nor has it n ever interested me. History is a bunch of facts that should stay when they happened, in the past. Every history teacher ...

... a set image in my mind: an old, boring, and out-of-date teacher . I believe that the underlying reason for my difficulty in the subject lies physiologically because of the lack of enthusiastic history teachers.

... I chose to develop a method to use so that history could get a grasp of my attentionthat would make history come alive for me

... learning the section, ect, I relate the situation to my life in some way or another.
... the purchase of land from the Spain for America. The purchase wasdonetransaction took place because the king of Spain ...
I remembered thisThis stuck in my mind because I related it to my U ncle Fred.Hesellingsold his BMW, for little moneyfor less money than it was worth because he needed to pay his bills., in order to pay for his bills.

So far my new methods for history havehas worked, they haveit has allowed me to study with ease.
... what is so interesting about the historyit .

The part I italicized first seems slightly ignorant and rude. For the second one, do you think maybe it was psychologically because you simply made a preconceived notion in your head that you would not like history nor the person who taught it. You make a lot of generalizations without redemption.

The final sentence seems to be in the same inappropriate tone. This school might not like seeing your distaste for a subject. You should suck up your pride and write about how this new method a and studying technique help you succeed in history and learn to understand and love it more. I would not tell a college that you hate an important subject. Ever hear the quote "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it." It is the first thing that probably comes to mind for most of your readers. Colleges don't want people who are doomed to repeat history. Sorry if it was harsh, hope it somewhat helped though.

Scholarship / Math, science - Subjects excelled. [4]

Nice response! Some food for thought though, the institution might like to see how you overcame an obstacle in math or science, and that's how you were able to continue excelling. Schools like obstacle hoppers. Also, maybe just try to add in what science class(es) you are taking, to show them you are on a high level there too.

Hope that helped!

Essays / Limit is 1500 but I have 1604; Is it bad to exceed your personal statement word limit by 100 words? [4]

I think you should just cut down the words. I know it seems impossible, but read the essay aloud. I had to cut my 600 word UC essay down to 500 words, it takes a couple reads, but you will find places you can combine words and phrase things differently.

Undergraduate / The Impact of Being a Twin (Common App essay) [5]

therefore coping and overcoming thesesituations in place was even more challenging for me

on my life and helping me to grow into Helping sounds awkward to me for some reason

a bit more untraditionallynon-traditionally

helped to teach me

Amazing essay! Just a few awkward phrasing that caught my eye. I am not a grammar person, but as far as flow/structure/wow factor and other logistical and big picture stuff, it looks amazing! Max seems like an amazing person. AND SO DO YOU ; )