Posts by Giangtrankim

Giangtrankim

Aug 28, 2023

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 2] More and more students at university today are not chosing to study science [5]

You can rewrite "One of the most pertinent explanations for this circumstance is the possibility that some students' future employment may not require science" to "One of the major reasons behind this fact/matter is Science is not widely required in various professions in society".

You can rewrite "As an example, many low-quality modern devices produced by some unreputable companies are harming their customers." to "This can be particularly evident in some unreputable companies, where many low-quality modern devices have been produced and have did harm to their customers".

Giangtrankim

Aug 28, 2023

Writing Feedback / Some people believe it is better to work out in a gym, while others prefer to exercise outdoors. [8]

Your introduction is closely paraphrased. You should not a write a sentence "It is argued..., while...". Instead, "Some people have a perception that taking exercise in a gym is more beneficial though others would rather work out...".

You should not use "also" in the sentence "First of all, it also has some benefits of getting exercise outdoor", you also repeated words "First of all, it also has some benefits of getting exercise outdoor. Firstly...". Instead, you may write "To begin with, there are some advantages of taking outdoor exercise. To be more specific,...". You can rewrite a sentence "make people immersed a nature and enjoy the fresh air" to "make people immerse in the beauty of nature and enjoy refresing air".

Giangtrankim

Aug 28, 2023

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Environment is damaged by human. Which human activities damage environment, what can be done? [NEW]

environmental problems caused by human actions and suggested solutions

It is undoubted that Human activities have a damaging impact on the environment. This essay will discuss some environmental problems caused by human actions and suggest solutions to effectively solve these issues.

One of the human activities that have detrimental effects on the environment is deforestation. When trees are cut down for agriculture and residential areas, the habitats of countless species are destroyed. As a result, many animal species may become vulnerable to extinction. The loss of forests also implies the loss in vegetation coverage, leaving topsoil exposed to destructive erosion elements, such as winds and thunderstorms. In addition, the majority of air pollution is the result of human activities. Increased fossil fuel combustion from factories, power stations, and motor vehicles has pumped large quantities of air pollutants like carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. The higher the amount of pollutants is, the more degraded the environment is.

There are some measures that need to be taken to tackle these issues resulting from human behaviors. Specifically, strict enforcement of environmental laws and regulations by governments, such as penalties for illegal logging, is necessary to combat deforestation and protect natural habitats. Furthermore, Individuals should actively engage in environment protection activities, including replanting trees on bare hills and establishing nature reserves where endangered animals and plants can be protected effectively from people's harm. Besides, the use of public transport like buses and vehicles that do not burn fossil fuels should be promoted among commuters. This is particularly evident in the Netherlands and Denmark, where the community is encouraged to lead a cycling lifestyle to keep the environment clean.

In conclusion, human activities are largely responsible for environmental degradation. Both governments and the community should rigorously adhere to the suggested measures above to solve these problems.

This is an IELTS writing task 2, I hope that I will be given a feedback and suggested a band score for this essay. Thank you.