GYM OR OUTDOOR workout?
It is argued that exercising in a gym can be better, while others are interested in working out outdoors. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give the benefits of each view.
First of all, it also has some benefits of getting exercise outdoor. Firstly, people are not to pay money for exercising when they work out outdoor, which will make them save money. In contrast, doing exercise in gyms can make people have to pay lots of money to take a workout. Secondly, taking part in outdoor exercise can make people immersed a nature and enjoy the fresh air. Finally, the space for exercising outdoor will be wider than in gyms and make people feel more comfortable. Overall, engaging in outdoor exercise can help people feel comfortable and save many amounts of money.
However, I believe that there are several reasons why doing exercises in gyms can be more beneficial. To begin with, getting a workout in gyms can avoid the effect of weather such as rain or sunny. Contrary to this, exercising outdoor can be affected a lot because of the weather. In addition, there are many exercise machines, which can help people know the number of calories and time they do exercise. Hence, it is better to work out in a gym because it can help people know their calories and prevent many of the effects of the weather.
In conclusion, although participating in outdoor workouts can help people feel comfortable, it seems to me that it will be better if people take part in the exercise in a gym.
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discuss both views and give the benefits of each view.
This type of discussion format normally asks for the writer to present his personal opinion based on the 2 public presentations. Since your writing instruction does not follow that format, I can assume that you have created your own prompt writing instruction for this topic. Do not do that. Never create your own writing instruction. You will make a mistake and not learn how to properly write the essays. There are more than enough free task 2 essay topics available online for you to access. Always use the correct writing guides when doing your exercises. I cannot review this essay at this point because it does not meet the writing instructions as the examiner would require. In an actual test, when you do not follow the writing instructions, you will end up failing the test.
Your overview : You showed nothing for the examiner if you wrote I will discuss both views or something like that; just write immediately your ideas.
I think your essay needs some improvements. It would be better if you share your ideas immediately, not adding "first of all" or "secondly" and etc. But in general, it's not that bad.
But I think that "first of all" or "secondly" are relevant because you need to use connective words to improve Coherence and Cohesion score of your essay.
exercising in a gym can be better, while others are interested in working out outdoors
There is no contrast between the two subjects. You are comparing "exercising in a gym" with "others".
It should be "Exercising in a gym is ..., while working out outdoors is ..."
Your introduction is closely paraphrased. You should not a write a sentence "It is argued..., while...". Instead, "Some people have a perception that taking exercise in a gym is more beneficial though others would rather work out...".
You should not use "also" in the sentence "First of all, it also has some benefits of getting exercise outdoor", you also repeated words "First of all, it also has some benefits of getting exercise outdoor. Firstly...". Instead, you may write "To begin with, there are some advantages of taking outdoor exercise. To be more specific,...". You can rewrite a sentence "make people immersed a nature and enjoy the fresh air" to "make people immerse in the beauty of nature and enjoy refresing air".
1. Many sentences are grammatically incorrect. First, use free "Grammarlly" to correct your sentences.
2. In terms structuring your essay, your second paragraph can talk about benefits and cost of working out outdoors.Your third paragraph can talk about cost and benefit of gym. And why you prefer gym: because you value the aspect of going to gym and the ease of tracking your workout progress through machines.