Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by alizarincrimsons
Name: Muhammad Ijmal bin Zaharin
Joined: Jan 26, 2024
Last Post: Jan 28, 2024
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  
From: Malaysia

Displayed posts: 6
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alizarincrimsons   
Jan 28, 2024
Essays / SOP for master application for Mining Engineering [3]

There are several key areas for improvement. Firstly, the opening paragraph should clearly outline the purpose of the letter, including your intentions and the intended recipient. Typically, applicants begin with 'Dear XXXX,' and structuring your first paragraph in this manner would be more appropriate. However, the content of the first two paragraphs could be relevant if you are selected for an interview with the school at a later stage. Secondly, focus on enhancing the coherence and cohesion of your writing by incorporating segues to demonstrate the flow of the letter. Additionally, it's important to maintain a persuasive tone throughout. Rather than simply listing achievements and experiences, aim to 'sell and persuade' by showcasing your goals and aspirations. Some part of your writing has this element and you should consider it to do some improvisation on it. Lastly, remember to conclude with a gracious note of thanks to the admissions committee for their time and consideration. This final touch adds a courteous and professional tone to your letter.
alizarincrimsons   
Jan 28, 2024
Letters / Letter of Motivation for Master's Degree in Cognitive Neuroscience and Clinical Neuropsychology [3]

Dear @Holt,

Thank you for your feedback! I also agree regarding that specific section. Could I inquire further about a few things:
1. Do you find it to be too lengthy?
2. Is it easily readable for the admission committee?
3. Do you have any suggestions on parts that I might consider omitting?

I appreciate any insight you can offer. Thank you!
alizarincrimsons   
Jan 27, 2024
Writing Feedback / The graph below shows the amounts of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years. [5]

The structure of this essay needs improvement. While clarity and conciseness are important goals, it's crucial to consider the organization of an essay, particularly in report-style writing. The risk with this type of essay is that it can confuse the reader and appear disorganized, especially if certain sentences are overused. Taking a closer look at how the essay is structured could greatly enhance its coherence and effectiveness
alizarincrimsons   
Jan 27, 2024
Writing Feedback / Should parents control their child's free time? [4]

"I understand the points you're trying to convey to the reader. However, your opening sentence could be improved to provide a smoother segue into discussing the main topic. Additionally, the statement It has been proven that, children who spend their leisure time in their hobby are smarter than those who not needs clarification regarding its source or validity. Furthermore, your conclusion requires refinement as it lacks sufficient expression of your opinion on the given topic. While the idea is present, expanding on your opinion could enhance the overall clarity and depth of your essay.
alizarincrimsons   
Jan 27, 2024
Writing Feedback / Some people enjoy working alone. Others would rather work in a group. What is your preference? [3]

You have the idea for the essay. However, your direction in this essay only focuses on the reasons rather than expressing your preference for working alone versus working in a group. For example, your second paragraph could be combined with the rest of the paragraphs discussing why you prefer working in a group. The last paragraph seems redundant, as you have already stated your preference; therefore, mentioning the opposing view may not be necessary. Additionally, while you have made decent points, the formality of the essay could be improved.
alizarincrimsons   
Jan 26, 2024
Letters / Letter of Motivation for Master's Degree in Cognitive Neuroscience and Clinical Neuropsychology [3]

Hey everyone! I'm working on my motivation letter for Padova University in Italy and could really use some help polishing it up before I submit my application. Any comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and looking forward for the response!

Here is the instruction from the university:

1.What qualifies you as a top candidate for admission
2. Why you selected that specific programme(s),
3. Why you have chosen the University of Padua among other universities.
4. Explain what you hope to achieve


Dear Admissions Committee,

I am writing this letter to express my interest in pursuing a Master's Degree in Cognitive Neuroscience and Clinical Neuropsychology at this esteemed University.

To start off, my interest in this field was sparked while working at the Psychiatric Department as an Assistant Medical Officer. There, I encountered many intriguing cases - one such instance involved a patient in the psychiatric ward who displayed an uncanny ability to withstand pain yet exhibited immense strength when defending themselves. This paradoxical behaviour made me question the complex interplay between neural responses and sensory experiences. Having studied Psychology for my Bachelor's Degree helps me to diversify about the nature of human behaviour. Although within my 4 years of degree with most of courses were taught online due to COVID-19, I participate a lot of discussion and presentation that range from non science psychology based courses such as social psychology to science based courses such as brain and behaviour and physiology psychology that I infused with with other field such as music and genetic or biology.

However, due to the limited availability of courses that could nurture my interest and skills, I decided to participate in an exchange program at Beloit College, United States, to expand my knowledge of neurological aspects in psychology. I was fortunate to get exposed to and work on how neuron activity can be explained through learning with robotics alongside a professor from the Department of Cognitive Science . In addition, my team and I were selected to have a discussion with the Provost of the University about the case study of Phineas Gage. Moreover, I took the initiative to actively explore experimental based projects for the last two years of my bachelor study because I believe these skills are needed in this field. Both of my thesis and internship was done in an experimental manner where I conducted an experiment on Music Influence on Cognitive Function and brain reaction and pain remedies on cerebrovascular disease through organic pharmacology respectively.

As my past profession was to cater patient's medication and working with Physicians for treatments and interventions, it makes me ponder to pursue a career where i can grow and mature through contribute more to discovering the subjectivity of our brain's neuronal activity and well-being because giving a solution is not only the ultimate goal but to understand its mechanism will serve a fitting way for proper treatment. Given the current qualification that I possess, University of Padua is the only university in the world which offers a multidisciplinary and interdisciplinary approach that aligns with my future goals for programs that feature a versatile curriculum spanning applied and theoretical aspects of neuropsychology and Cognitive Neurosciences. One of the unique offers from this university that catches my attention compared to others is the career opportunity it presents, as graduates will be registered under the Board of Psychology in Italy. This distinction is particularly significant for me as it opens doors to career prospects and professional recognition that may not be readily available in Malaysia, where opportunities in this specific field of neuroscience and psychology are relatively limited. The prospect of gaining practical experience and recognition in Italy adds a valuable dimension to my academic journey and aligns perfectly with my long-term career aspirations

All things considered, by selecting this program, I aspire to explore new perspectives and methodologies within the field, particularly from an Asian context. By updating research and providing insights from a Southeast Asian perspective, I aim to contribute to the global dialogue on neuroscience and mental health. In an increasingly interconnected world where individuals are migrating across cultures, understanding human behaviour and providing culturally competent interventions are essential for promoting optimal health and well-being. This exploration could reveal a holistic approach, improving global treatments for those in need. In essence, my acceptance into the University of Padua not only signifies personal growth and academic achievement but also symbolises the potential for collaboration and mutual learning across continents especially for enhancing educational standards and broadening horizons for future generations of students.

I am confident that these programs will provide me with the essential preparedness in research and academic work, allowing me to find my tempo as a young researcher. In fact, the positive aptitude towards research and academic training would contribute significantly to your program, as well as upon my return to my home country.

Thank you for your time in reviewing and considering my application. I am eagerly looking forward to the opportunity ahead.
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