Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is a common belief that leasure activities for children should be organized by their mom and dad. However, there is more persuasive argument that they should have their freedom to choose what they do in their spare time in order to increase their creativity and explore new things to this world.
On the one hand, when parents let their child choose what they keen on, not only help increase their creativity but also develop their problem-solving skills. Once giving a child freedom, the stimulation of curiosity will be activated, in this time, they will ask their parents bunch of questions about things in the world. Consequently, they will gain more knowledges and tend to be more clever and talkative than othe. It has been proven that, children who spend their leisure time in their hobby are smarter than those who not. Giving them time for their interest instead of control them, thereby gain their creativity.
Nevertheless, children have lack of organizing skills, thereby they couldn't control their time and can be overplay without parent's remind. For that reason, managing their spare time would be the best ideal. This not only help them maintain their energy for the following day but also reduce their time on blue screen, especially whose that spend too much time on their phone, ipad. In fact, a recent study revealed that children under time control by their parents have more discipline than others. The result is that they develop their discipline skill better than their peers.
To sum up, while it is apparent that managing children's time is one way parents create their discipline, it is undeniable that letting their child do their hobby in their free time to develop their creativity and other skills is more crucial.
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4786 The first paragraph is incomplete. You did not provide your writer's opinion as was required by the writing instruction. Full points will not be awarded to you by the examiner due to the incompletely developed paragraph. The writing format for the reasoning paragraphs should be on the compare and contrast side. Meaning, you compare the public point of view with your personal opinion. In this writing, there is no comparison point as required. The concluding paragraph is also in error as it gives a final opinion on the matter when it was not required. This is just a general discussion essay. It should not make a decision for the reader. That is not needed.
"I understand the points you're trying to convey to the reader. However, your opening sentence could be improved to provide a smoother segue into discussing the main topic. Additionally, the statement It has been proven that, children who spend their leisure time in their hobby are smarter than those who not needs clarification regarding its source or validity. Furthermore, your conclusion requires refinement as it lacks sufficient expression of your opinion on the given topic. While the idea is present, expanding on your opinion could enhance the overall clarity and depth of your essay.
