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Posts by mrdtt18
Joined: Nov 22, 2009
Last Post: Nov 23, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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mrdtt18   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / my parents push me to work hard in school - Personal Statements [8]

Honestly, it is a good essay with many good ideas. Yet, I would look for passive verbs, also known as "to be verbs". Without them, your essay will sound that much better. When I was editing my UC essay with my English class, the teacher told us to look for passive verbs on our essay. So, I have highlighted the verbs I could find. Good luck with your applications!!!

During my life, I have realized why my parents push me to work hard in school and to become a better person. They had arrived in America not knowing how to speak English and struggling to live a happy life. It was very crucial to my parents that their own children do not have to face the same struggles that they themselves had been confronted by. Listening to my parents, made me become aware that I can not let myself down and live such a sorrowful life. While keeping this in mind, I decided to throw my old clothes away and start my life fresh.

While growing up from childhood my parents taught me how to be religious, courageous, determined, and knowledgeable. From a small age, our mother would also teach us religious prayers and we would pray two times a day. She knew that God played a crucial role in our lives, plus I was continuously told that our actions and thoughts always reflected how we are portrayed. These were the vital elements that carried me on till now and has encouraged me to develop into a sensual petal of a carnation. Additionally, the way to become a better person is to perform good deeds, pay attention on our education, and to be religious. I came from a strict and a very affectionate family who believes that achieving goals and performing the best in school is tremendously important. I was taught all these moral and educational ideologies that would help me achieve internal satisfaction in any circumstances. My parents constantly encouraged me to do my highest potential (try my best?)in school by receiving acceptable grades and they advised me that they would do anything to help me achieve educational success. All these ideas were taught so I could be the one in charge of my future and I would be able to live life to the fullest.

Likewise, I am aware that many things in life can be challenging but I assure myself that everything will pay off after college with that ever lasting motivation. My family's encouragement helps me envision that I am capable of reaching any dream or passion that I have a positive attitude towards. Like my parents, I have constantly heeded education and moral values as worthy portions of my life. Furthermore, I have that confidence in myself that will let me attain my goals and to strive harder for everything in life.
mrdtt18   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "My Volunteering Experience with Kids" -- UC Prompt #2 [4]

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I believe that we all have a destiny, but we are not predestined. Like the pieces one is dealt in a chess game, it is not so much about acquiring the right pieces but in playing the ones you hold well. The pieces you are given are something you cannot control, but the way you play is up to you. Some people use the opportunities they have to move themselves into a better situation while others throw away their chances and end up doing poorly. In the short distance I have traveled in life, I have learned from my parents that where I end up in life is not as important as the person I become through the journey. I have also picked up that growing up involves giving back to society and the people around it. Continually putting myself out to help people has helped me to keep a fresh mind when I encounter certain situations in life.

Back when I was volunteering at Tian Ann Temple, I helped out with religious services, temple maintenance, and various other tasks if called upon to execute them. Yet, the task I was most committed to was taking care of the kids while their parents were attending temple worship. At first, the idea of watching little "children" seemed like a mundane activity to me. The children would start fighting, and crying, over and over again. Yet, as time went on, the kids noticed that, there was a much older person in the room, a person that could guide them and help them. At my coaxing, some of the kids began calming down and listening to me. Some even tried to make conversation with me. As they began to look for me more often, I decided to instigate some activities that the kids and I could participate in together. One weekend, the kids and I ventured out onto the temple playground and started a simple game of handball. I must admit, the game itself was pretty humdrum. A ball being thrown back and forth, I would not want to be playing this activity every single day. Yet, on this weekend, "handball" was a bonding activity. I split the kids up into teams and had them start their own matches. Some kids played like they were experts and some like they were new at the game. One child in particular did not know how to play and started crying. I went up to this child and comforted him, giving him a quick side lesson. After that, he started playing again. Besides a few glitches here and there, he played like the Kobe Bryant of handball. At the end of the day, this child went up to his parents and told them that I taught him how to play handball. I could not have felt more honored than to help a child recognize that learning something is possible. Volunteering at the temple was an experience indeed.

In answering the question of what I will bring to the University of California, I believe that my fervor and infatuation for volunteering are personal qualities that will allow me to be successful as a university student. My willingness to persist will fit in with the University of California's philosophy of producing high quality graduates. These qualities will undoubtedly contribute to the vivacity of the university, and further up the reputation of this fine university system.

Thank You very much for takinh your time to look at my essay!
mrdtt18   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "Being a 'quad-lingual'" - UC Prompt #2 [8]

I agree with what natsuken had to say. Write more about your experience, stick as close to the prompt as possible. Writing about your ability to speak more that one language is cliche.
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