Undergraduate / "my dream of modeling" - college admission writting--special talents, interests [5]

let me know if you think I should change or add anything. thank you!

We invite you to submit an optional personal statement if you feel that you have special talents, interests, or abilities not otherwise reflected on your application; and/or if you feel that your high school or college academic performance was adversely affected by special circumstances. Additionally, please take this opportunity to explain why you will be academically successful at Ohio State. Importantly, if your academic record includes interruptions in your education, please describe work experiences or other activities in which you may have participated while not enrolled in school.

I have many goals. Half of them I have already achieved and the other half, well that's where Ohio State comes in.

I took the year 2009 off from college to pursue my dream of modeling. I lived and worked in New York City, Chicago, and Milan, Italy. In my spare time, that year, I reviewed my calculus, chemistry, and biology notes. I accomplished my goals in modeling and wanted to go back to school so, I re-enrolled at the community college I attended initially.

My next goal is to get a bachelors and masters degree in biochemistry. I will be academically successful at Ohio State because I am very goal-oriented and passionate about the field I am going to be studying. Also, I already have work experience for my future career in biochemistry.

Ohio State is my ideal college to study biochemistry. The training I will get from the classes, The Biochemistry club and the College of Biological Sciences honorary student organization will help me to attain my degrees and prepare me for a promising career.

Undergraduate / My work experience application essay - I feel my conclusion is weak. [4]

This is a prompt and my response for a college application. I feel my conclusion is weak. Any thoughts/ideas? Also, if you see anything else that is worth changing let me know. Thank you!

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer)

I've worked for many companies. My favorite company, one that I hope to work for again in the future, is Lubrizol. Initially I worked in the shipping department; cleaning, labeling, and organizing barrels of product and conveying samples of product to the laboratory. Since my focus in school is chemistry and biology I would frequent the laboratory to pick the brains of the chemists and learn about the latest laboratory technology.

I worked in the shipping department for a couple months until a job as a Laboratory Assistant opened. I jumped at the opportunity and was soon working in the laboratory! Being employed at Lubrizol helped me to further formulate my future school and career goals. It also gave me the knowledge and experience I will need to accomplish those goals.