Posts by AnnaSophie

AnnaSophie

Nov 28, 2009

Undergraduate / Culture Essay - U of M [3]

Thank You!!

I thought of the second half of the prompt as being implied in my essay, like the lesson I learned is what I will bring with me. I'm not a big fan of straight forward essays - "What I will contribute to the university is..." I guess it just seemed that way to me...I'll keep thinking about it! Thanks =)

AnnaSophie

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / Culture Essay - U of M [3]

"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

Does my essay correctly address the prompt? Any and all help is greatly appreciated!

A hint of sweet cinnamon lingered in the air as I sat at the kitchen table playing Scrabble with my aunt Christine. My Oma was baking - like always. Sneakily, the neighbor's cat had found its way into the kitchen where it wound around the legs of the table. Outside, the sounds of bike bells rang all through the town - school was out. Later, Opa and I would go to the apple orchard to pick apples so Oma could make her scrumptious apple marmalade, and I would drive Opa's tractor while he brought the cows in for the night. This was my home in Germany and the place where I had grown up.

Nine years later, I found a new home, practically on the other side of the world-Georgia, US. Here, we did not ride bikes to school, tend to cows, or drive tractors. Entertainment was found in going to the see the latest flick at the movies or laser-tagging. We conversed about the latest celebrity gossip and the hottest news about "who-likes-who." When I went to the local park, I heard sounds and honks from cars whizzing along on the nearby freeway. Anywhere one went, an orchestra of various sounds was never far away.

While the lifestyles and cultures of these two places differ, together they have taught me a valuable lesson: Never fear venturing out to explore new places and learn about different cultures. One never knows what treasures might be unearthed.

AnnaSophie

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / Uc Prompt - Jimi Hendrix Poster [8]

Good Opening.

Include a colon before a list. don't start a new sentence.
I've led a nomadic lifestyle, following my father wherever his work required him to be: Korea, America, Japan, Singapore. O ne day our family would be opening cardboard boxes and arranging our furniture, and another day we'd be wrapping everything up, a new house and community awaiting us in the next town. Everything in my life is temporary and disposable.Rented houses and apartments, cheap furniture that wouldn't cause much distress if ruined on the plane, and of course, school, after school, after school. this by itself is not a sentence. there is no definite subject and verb. To rename something (i.e. a disposable item), use an em dash. so it'd be something like "...temporary and disposable - rented houses and apartments, cheap furniture..."

New classmates were like different versions of my old classmates. And just as I finally got to know a place well, my family would be on the road again, and I would sit in the back seat looking out the window at the clouds, which seemedto so (?) comfortable and smug in the sky, where they would always stay.

How I longed for that cliché yard, (not necessary)with a white picket fence and a mailbox with my last name on it. I wanted to have friends I've known since kindergarten, or to watch my neighbor's dog grow up. Instead, I have friends who I've fallen out of touch with, my neighbor who greets me with a stare, and our apartment? I put my Jimi Hendrix poster up with tape so that it wouldn't damage the walls. (your verb tenses don't agree)

Because I have very few things that I've had all my life, I have come to place immense value on them. For example, my favorite doll "Bobo," or my copy of "The Catcher in the Rye," has stayed with me over the years, despite their(indicates more than one, even though your verb indicates a singular subject.) deteriorating conditions.

Not bad. Be sure to watch your verb tenses. They don't always agree! make sure you only use one tense per paragraph. Also, try to avoid contractions such as "I've".

Hope this helps!!

AnnaSophie

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / 'professors do their job' - Why Ohio State University? [5]

Avoid contractions:
First of all, after visiting the campus, with some people who'd actually signed up for the tour...

I was afraid I'd get lost in the crowd and not like the idea of even living somewhere so different ~~than~~ (from) my hometown. Oddly enough, I felt more at home at OSU than I had at any other university I've visited, and I just had a sense of belonging there.

All of the activities OSU has to offer their students is another big reason I want to attend college there. - make sure your subjects and verbs agree. Activities is plural, so your verb should be are. The sentence should sound like "The activities OSU has to offer their students are also reasons..."

There are so many things to choose from, giving me the opportunity to try tons of new things.

Avoid using because. Try. "The helpfulness of the staff is was very inviting.
Another reason is because the staff was so helpful when I visited...

Your essay just seems like a list of reasons. Aside from hearing how great it is, the university also wants to know why you have you have chosen it in regardof your major. Add something about how you feel that OSU will provide you with the skills necessary to pursue your career.

I hope this helped!!! Go Buckeyes!

AnnaSophie

Nov 25, 2009

Undergraduate / UMich - School of Music, Theatre & Dance [2]

Comments and Criticism Welcome!

School of Music, Theatre & Dance: As you prepare to pursue a career in music, theatre or dance, what are your thoughts on the relationship between the arts and today's society? How relevant has your art been to your community and to you?

As I sit here pondering my response to this essay, I find it increasingly difficult to come up with a definition for "The Arts". I type out single words - Love, Ambition, Jealousy, Revenge, Passion, Treachery - unable to piece them into a coherent sentence. And then I think, "What if that's what it's all about? What if this abstract concept lacks classification?" The Arts have a different meaning to everyone, but that's what makes them so wonderful! Without the Arts, society would lose something that keeps it pushing through every day.

Art, particularly theatre, offers entertainment, enjoyment, and most importantly: an escape - not only to the artist, but also to the audience. When I am on stage, it is as if the outside world is a dark blur on the other side of the lights. It does not exist. I am able to leave behind all the worldly concerns and focus on something beautiful. I look out at the audience and see people, who seemed as though they had not a single pleasant thought as they entered, sitting there, smiling and laughing as I recite a Shakespearean monologue, probably completely clueless as to what I'm saying, but simply enjoying the show. Every now and then, we need a break from reality. How dull would the world be if we were not able to escape it sometimes?

Since the beginning of time, art has been used to enhance life, struggles, stories, traditions, etc. Art imitates life. Art is aesthetic and a great way for one to look at things, perhaps everyday ordinary, and appreciate them. This appreciations makes the Arts a vital part of today's society.

- Anna-Sophie