Posts by MGZolyn

MGZolyn

Jun 15, 2010

Essays / descriptive piece about a scary place [4]

350 words is not a lot, so make sure everything said will actually help the description.

I definitely like the idea of starting outside of the house and moving throughout the rooms. Make sure to include not only descriptive words, but also metaphors and similes. Metaphors and similes create a much better picture in someone's head.

After you've written your essay, have someone else read aloud to you. Then you can decide if what you have heard matches your intended idea of the house.

Best of luck!

MGZolyn

Dec 7, 2009

Undergraduate / BU essay - Artistic, receptive, and inspired [5]

whew! thank you so much for the criticism :) i took in what you suggested and re-typed most of it. my biggest problem is the fourth paragraph... any help?

please tell me what you think of my edited essay:

READ ABOVE

MGZolyn

Dec 5, 2009

Undergraduate / BU essay - Artistic, receptive, and inspired [5]

Hello :)
This is my essay for Boston University. Does my response fit the prompt? Any suggestions or mistakes? Different wording ideas? Please let me know!
Thanks a bunch :)

In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

A history of performances I have been in and songs I have written can display my three main characteristics. Each play I am in contains the artistic distinctions I value, and each song I write is inspired by either another piece of music or something I have learned if life. I intend to continue these aspects through college at Boston University. There I can express my personality and absorb all it has to offer. To Boston University I will bring my artistic, receptive, and inspired qualities.

Ever since I can remember, art has interested me. To create an image teeming with emotion simply by a pencil and paper is incredible. Whether I am painting a picture or assembling earrings, I spend much of my time constructing new works of art. My artistic personality will be used to its fullest through the College of Fine Arts. Performing is my favorite art form because of the confidence it takes. I love perfecting every detail in my performance so I can be ready for the opening show. Boston University will allow me to express my artistic abilities in their various musicals, plays, and professional productions.

Because of my enthusiasm for new ideas and insights, I would describe myself as receptive. I am excited to work with fellow students in either the School of Theatre or the Department of Film & Television and gain new ways of performing or editing. To be with others who have the same passions as I do will be beneficial while at Boston University. With a large student body, there are many opportunities for me to learn from classmates and discover interpretations I would have never considered. New ideas and creations will assist the Boston University theatre and video programs.

My life is driven with inspiration. For example, I learned to juggle after being inspired by a juggler on television. Works of art or pieces of music also have impelled me to create my own art and songs. I use inspiration for my projects in high school, and I will continue to do at Boston University. Whatever I decide to pursue in college will be artful, whether it is producing videos or performing on stage. Boston University will provide the inspiration needed for me to achieve my highly set goals.

Artistic, receptive, and inspired are three words I have found to describe myself. In some circumstances I am all three words at once. Juggling and its artistic style emphasized my desire to learn, and the way I perform on stage is inspired by different inspirations. At Boston University I can apply these qualities. I will accumulate knowledge and skills from my receptive personality. The artistic feature will be demonstrated through theatre and various projects. My work and creations will all develop through inspiration. Overall, I feel my characteristics will execute well at Boston University.

MGZolyn

Dec 5, 2009

Undergraduate / Temple essay - who will I be in 10 years?; education administrator [3]

Ten years ago if you asked me where I was headed << different wording?, I would fumble to come up with what I thought sounded impressive. I honestly did not know where I was heading or who I was as an individual. I was constantly trying to find my niche in society. Not only was I uncertain of what I wanted to major in, but I simply felt like I had no exceptional talents in one specific area. Could I be a future doctor? No, too clumsy. How about a a lawyer? Not objective enough. Fortunately, attending Temple University has unleashed my insecurities while molding me into a confident and well-rounded professional. I have pursued my love for teaching, interacting with young people, and assuming a leadership position as an education administrator.

Before becoming an administrator, I worked as a secondary school teacher for eight years and received the teacher of the year in all of New York State, an honor that I am delighted to have. I went on to get my M. Ed, and I am a principal. I love being able to organize school activities, set academic requirements, and most importantly watch students embrace education as their own foundation for success. Under my new program: Success in the hands of me, << wording?, d rop out rates have decreased, teen pregnancy rates have dwindled, and drug abuse has been replaced with students desires to take control of lives.

When I applied to Temple University, I knew I was signing a contract with my future-one << I don't know if you should use a dash... maybe a comma?, that I did not perceive to be as rewarding as it today.

MGZolyn

Dec 5, 2009

Undergraduate / Common App short answer "Heroes and Cool Kids" [8]

the high school students are trained.

After the training, I visited the sixth graders once a month...
-you don't need a comma if the opening phrase is fewer than four words

MGZolyn

Dec 5, 2009

Undergraduate / "a passionate juggler" - Common App Short Answer [5]

Thank you for the reply :)

Do you have a suggestion as to how I could improve them?
Should I replace the sentences with something talking about how often I juggle or why I juggle?

MGZolyn

Dec 5, 2009

Undergraduate / "a passionate juggler" - Common App Short Answer [5]

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I am a passionate juggler. Much of my time is spent tossing balls and clubs into the air only to have them fall down and hit my hands again. The feeling of successfully catching all objects after a difficult trick is ineffable. Usually, I fail. More often than not, the balls will pound the floor after brushing the side of my hand. Sometimes I get angry with the balls, but then I realize I can only be angry with myself. When I juggle, I am in control; I love that feeling. Juggling has also brought me to new places. The first time I visited Kentucky was for the 2008 International Jugglers' Association Festival held in Lexington. I have traveled to Madison, Wisconsin, and Winston-Salem, North Carolina, for other festivals. In the summer of 2010, I will fly to Sparks, Nevada. There is no limit to where juggling can take me.

Does my answer fit the prompt?