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Posts by ryanclare
Joined: Dec 16, 2009
Last Post: Dec 23, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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ryanclare   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Honors UW essay. a curiosity worth satiating. [2]

What do you wonder about, ponder, or wish you knew more about that isn't within your intended field of study?
Would you ever be willing to put everything else on hold to satisfy your curiosity?

300 words

A bead of sweat dripping down my face, my heart beating fast as glossy pages and neon colors surround me. A crazed look appears in my eyes as I take scissors in hand and begin collaging. Yes, it may seem like a high-risk hobby, but its one that allows me to express myself when nothing else can. I come from a family of artists and have always found joy in creating visual expressions of my intangible feelings.

Whether I have the time to hone my mechanical artistic skills or not I find that art is a part of my life. Each time my mom completes a painting she brings me into her studio to analyze the color, composition, and overall impression of the piece. Although I often sacrificed my desire to pursue more academic classes, my exposure to art allowed me to see the beauty of the world around me.

My Grandpa, however, never lost hope. Each birthday present always had a set of pastels or brushes so I could continue my practice of art. My Grandpa was fond of sketching me and my brothers and though he is gone, his images remain, preserving behind glass frames the meticulous effort and endless love he had for art. His simple brushstrokes could mean a lash of anger or a gentle admiration. Now adventures to museums seem more personal as I question what the painter or sculptor was feeling while working on a piece.

I have always had a dream to study art history, although my intended field of study is international relations. Each piece of art tells a story and it is an art historian's job to find it. To be immersed in a world of ambiguity in art would be a curiosity worth satiating.
ryanclare   
Dec 17, 2009
Undergraduate / UNC Essay - Which terms suit best to describe me as a person and my whole life? [4]

I don't think that the format is stupid, but the execution is not quite there. I like your ideas, but I think it would benefit you to focus on one or two and really talk about those. Right now you mention personality traits without being specific to your life; there are no stories. When was a time when your faith in God helped you? Why do you wish to gain wisdom? And then, when you end with your twelve words the insight from your letter does not give this laundry list of words a deeper meaning to who you are. It's a good draft. Stick with it. Best of luck with UNC.
ryanclare   
Dec 17, 2009
Undergraduate / "I am not legally able to vote yet" - Stanford Essays [28]

yeah i agree. it is too wordy, gets kinda crazy in the middle. the beginning is pretty good though. also towards the end, make sure it is clear that you are applying for judicial review in the program, not in real life.
ryanclare   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Tennis, MATCH POINT - Common app essay of your choice [5]

as a tennis player, I understand the terminology that you are using in your first paragraph, but to anyone else it may be confusing. on the whole, the essay is very cluttered and hard to get through. i like the idea of connecting your internship with the UN to your tennis game, but so far it is very confusing. try reading it out loud.
ryanclare   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / I dwell in the beauty and power of words. UW undergrad essay. [6]

I used this essay for another application and i am wondering what you think and if it answers this new prompt...thanks! enjoy.

Prompt: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

"Needles and pins, needles and pins, sew me a sail to catch me the wind . . ." The words spilled out shaky and unsure as I recited this Shel Silverstein poen at the opening of the school's library. I was only in first grade, yet this great task had been set upon me: dedicate something to the library. I knew that a library was a sacred place because of all the times my father had preached the value of reading. I would reply, "I know Daddy, I know." To which he would respond, "No, you don't." So, the preparation for my poem recitation was intense; i wanted to get it perfect. On judgment day I stood miniscule compared to the teachers and parents, fighting back nerves while remaining composed. That is a lot for a seven year old to handle. But, I did it.

Looking back, I had no reason for picking that particular poem, but as I reminisce today, I am reminded of my journey through literature. I would come home from school and find books or articles on my desk expecting to be read. My Dad and I would venture to the library to scour through the shelves. And, as I got older I was forced to submit to lengthy recitation of poetry or speeches. As much as I felt suffocated by my father's insistence, I now see the power he was trying to instill in me. Just like the freedom I had been given to choose a poem to recite, my education was my own.

As my infatuation with words developed, I found myself immersed in a new world. Often times I found my inquisitive hand reach into the chilled night air. I would open the drawer and endless books of crossword puzzles would spill out. I flipped through the dog-eared, worn pages to find a fresh puzzle. 23 Down. Praise. I searched through all the words spinning through my brain, on a quest for that one that would fit in the five little boxes. Like a fly, I grabbed the word out of the air. Laude. It was a quiet winter night and everyone else was asleep, yet I remained under my covers in the company of a puzzle.

A nerd at heart, I dwell in the beauty of words. The endless possibilities I found with only twenty six letters became overwhelming, yet I found the simplest joy in discovering an alternate world; I knew that my love of words always comfort me.

Last night, my dad and I spent hours reading poetry to each other, just relishing the purity of the moment. The verses flowed over us, like the calm after a storm. How perfect to forget all worries and find solace in the warm embrace of language.

Today, I see the power that language has given me. Literature has allowed me to recognize how influential religion and culture are in the world. Through reading, I have experienced hardships, but I have found the strength to overcome adversity. I wish to be the voice of the people, that for so long have only been characters in novels. With the experience that ten years has given me, I see the appropriateness of Silverstein's words. "Captain and crew, captain and crew, take me, oh take me to anywhere new." Language has given me the confidence to face all issues head on; I have the power to do whatever it is I set out to do.
ryanclare   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / "Stay. I love you, but if it hurts to live, then go.", New to college essays [10]

This is a really amazing story and I don't want to seem harsh, but this essay shows little about yourself. This is about the most influential person you know, but how has your brother influenced you and how does this make you you/inspire who you want to be? Did going through this make you want to be a medical researcher, doctor, or therapist? Or even on a more personal level (not job related) how have you been changed because of this?
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