Undergraduate / 'the university needs to fit you' - [Supp. Essay] - Why Chicago? [7]

Hello =)

I still need to apply for a few universities, and most of them ask "Why did you choose our university?" - so here's my draft for the University of Chicago. Here's what my college couselor said: "sounds too plugged in. Like you found some nice aspects and you matched them up with some points about yourself. Try being more real. Why did you choose Chicago as a place for you to study. Think more about who you are and what you are looking for in an educational experience and how they will provide that you. Remember that the university needs to fit you. You are very much an intellectual." The problem is that I can't seem to clearly see what I should remove/add/edit... I posted it a few times and got a few corrections on grammatical mistakes, but I'd like to improve the essay in itself (content) - Help!

I've been doing a lot of research on universities in the world, and while most of my friends limited their research to Europe, I would broaden my choices to the whole world. The University of Chicago quickly caught my attention.

Academically, the University of Chicago College is known to be a brilliant college; I was amazed to read about the school's numerous majors, the brilliant Core Curriculum and the incredible alumni. My skills in critical thinking and my broad academic and subject interests (such as philosophy, politics, jurisprudence, religions, sociology, economics...) lead me to read and investigate those topics for the pure joy of learning. Reading books by Goffmann and the "Chicago School of Sociology" really made me want to discover more about the prestigious sociology department of the university. The University of Chicago indeed seemed to be the perfect place to be for a knowledge-thirsty person like me; broadening my general knowledge was always a challenge for me, and I thus quickly fell in love with the schools motto "Life of the Mind".

Being a musician myself (I play both the piano and the guitar) and fond of musical culture, I was also thrilled to learn about the Summer Breeze. Another passion of mine is debating and forensics; the Chicago Debate Society would be an excellent occasion to help me consolidate my debating, public speaking and persuasion skills. I'll hopefully participate in the Urban Debate League City Championships one day, and of course keep the university in the top teams at the APDA National Championships.

The location is another reason why I chose the University of Chicago; the famous Michigan Avenue and Navy Pier are of course fascinating, but I know there is much more to Chicago than its tourist attractions. Places such as the Lyric Opera, the Field Museum, and Hyde Park are also very important to me considering my passion for Art in general.

I will also gladly share the traditional "Persian" side of my culture as well as my "European" approach of modern-day issues by joining student societies and participating in university events; something I've done for quite a few years now in three different schools. The University of Chicago College is truly full of brilliant aspects, both socially and academically. An incredible student diversity, lots of campus activities and strong academic demands; what more is there to ask?

Thanks in advance,
Sebastien