Undergraduate / Stanford Essays: Roommate and What Makes Stanford a Good Place [4]

Hi! I'm applying to Stanford, and these are the final two essays from the supplement. Both need to be 1800 characters max. If I can get feedback to make it better, I will try and help you in return if you are also stressing!

Roommate Essay (let them learn more about you)

Aloha! My name is Kalena, pronounced "Ka-leh-na", but you can call me Zim. I am elated to reach the point in life where I break free from the past seventeen years of my life and discover college. We will be spending nine out of twelve months together, so here is a mini-crash course on Kalena Zimmerman.

First, expect a stash of green tea somewhere in the room because green tea is a staple in my life. If you also like green tea, then we can share the stash! I also eat certain foods, such as popcorn, with chopsticks, so feel free to try it out too.

You should also know that I love all genres of music...except for country, but if you are a fan then I will adapt. My taste in music ranges from Handel to The Beatles to The Police to Death Cab for Cutie. I sometimes sing along, so don't be afraid to jump in on the chorus! Besides listening and singing, I can play the cello and ukulele, and I've just started learning the piano from my Music Theory class. I am currently planning a recital open to the public that will take place in May because I have a special place in my heart for music.

Finally, I will bring about some qualities about my personality. I strive to make everyone feel comfortable and included when around me; if it means holding up multiple conversations, then I will start chattering away. I also am quite versatile. Basically, I always have a back up plan; when there is no back up plan, I wing it. However, if anything comes up, I am always prepared. Lastly, I am a very dependable person. If you need a shoulder to lean on, I will always be there.

Now that you have completed the quick crash course about me, I just want to say that I cannot wait to meet you and that we'll definitely have a great four years ahead of us at Stanford University!

(1766/1800)

What makes Stanford a good place?

Twenty-five thousand feet in the air, I leaned back in my seat and looked out through the window at a splash of red and white. I was a sophomore in high school on my way to visit family when I had that bird's eye view of Stanford University. That was the closest I got to Stanford, and I did the rest of my research online. What I learned caught my full attention.

What I absolutely love about Stanford is that it really is the best of both worlds. Having a community within the college itself gives the atmosphere a small town feel, and students have an opportunity to go out into the world to learn things outside of the classroom. Stanford lets their students be educated in interdisciplinary studies rather than a concentration in one restricted area, which is something I definitely value when I choose a college.

My favorite thing about Stanford is the dynamic and diverse college community there. At Stanford, not only do students receive a top-notch education, but they also are able to have the freedom to express their other passions. At Stanford, I can be studying economics with professors like John B. Taylor before heading off to a service project for Habitat for Humanity. I see myself sitting in Muwekma-tah-ruk as an active member in the American Indian, Alaska Native, and Native Hawaiian Program, and also cheering as a proud Cardinal for the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band during The Big Game.

Stanford University is the type of place where I can find my niche as a college student in the community for the next four years. I would have the time of my life while progressing with my studies in one of the most prestigious schools in the nation. As I discover my intellectual and creative worth as a student at Stanford University, let the wind of freedom blow!

(1796/1800)

Undergraduate / "The Prelude": Yale Supplement Essay, along with a few others [3]

Hi! I have major issues with conclusions, and this essay is due tonight, so if anyone could help me out or give me tips, it would be really great! Thanks!

The prompt is basically tell something about yourself.
500 word limit, but this is 402

I have been haunted and taunted for almost a year. Sixteenth notes have appeared in nightmares while my twelve year old self was sleeping. The musical work that has caused me strife was the Prelude of Johann Sebastian Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 in G major.

As a cellist, I have only played for two years before I have decided to attempt to learn the Cello Suite. One sharp, an endless amount of sixteenth notes, and two and a half minutes of moving between strings with my bow have never seemed so intimidating. Although my instructor told me it would be best to just put that piece on the side until I was more experienced, I started to work for it.

It was definitely a giant leap, but I spent nonstop learning the piece. I analyzed every accidental, fermata, and tie throughout the piece to the point that when I closed my eyes I could only see sheet music. During classes, the pencil in my hand would hit my desk like a metronome while I hummed the Prelude in my head. While doing homework, my pen turned into a cello bow as I practiced the movement in my right arm before pulling out my cello.

Ten months later, after two of those being spent during my summer break, I was able to perfect the piece. Once my bow hit the string, I played with all my heart while the sweet music filled the air. The cello became a part of me as the song progressed. When the piece neared the end, I finished with a flourish, and took a deep breath of relief.

The piece consumed all my free time, and it soon consumed me. It became the first colossal commitment for me. From then on, I have always put as much time and effort as possible in everything I do. I took a lot of pride in being able to work hard and consistently toward a flawless performance, especially a difficult piece like this one. Although I had spent many sleepless nights thinking about the Prelude, I still was able to execute the piece with confidence, which had demonstrated my worth. It was from that passionate commitment that I have spent time and effort in all I do. Even if it takes ten months to perform a work less than three minutes long, it is worth it if it is perfect.

Also, I have the Common App activity (150 words or less):
To save room on the forum, I'll post my common app activity here (150 words or less)

Musicians are in the pit running scales, actors are backstage memorizing their lines at the last minute, and stagehands are moving around the New York skyline for my high school's production of "42nd Street". Me? I'm a chorus member, but I'm also a stagehand, program designer, and assistant. In other words, I am the person that makes sure the production runs smoothly from rehearsals to Showtime. From setting up the orchestra in the pit, to finding actors before their cues; from distributing programs, to moving sets around, the performances are something I take a big part in. The last two years have been spent as a member of my school's Concert Glee and Performing Arts Club, and it has never been more enjoyable and enriching. The hustle and bustle of the stage life at every production makes me feel alive, as if all the world's a stage.

(150/150)

Undergraduate / "Childhood Disappoinment": Stanford Supplement Essay on Intellectual Vitality [3]

Hello! I'm applying to Stanford, and this was one of the essays for the supplement. The prompt is:
Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

(max. 1800 characters)

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny; we believed in all of them as children, but they disappear when we grow older. It breaks our hearts when we find out that these people were lies. If children are destined to be met with such heartbreak, then why keep the lies alive from generation to generation?

I have found the idea of childhood beliefs to be intellectually engaging, especially because these beliefs children cling to become nonexistent a few years down the road. Are these beliefs here because parents want to give their children something to believe in? Do they want children to look forward to something in life?

There is an ulterior motive to having children believe that Santa Claus comes to town once a year, the Tooth Fairy leaves coins under pillows, and the Easter Bunny carries around colored eggs in a basket. When children hear that these people are really their parents instead, they feel devastated. But what if that was the point?

What if people are faced with immense disappointment when they are younger so when they are older disappointment does not hurt so much? Eventually, everyone gets used to disappointment so they are not so crestfallen later in life when sadness comes their way; it gets to the point where people start becoming optimistic instead.

I've wanted to know why my parents told me about these people while being aware that I would learn the truth in the end, but maybe it was for the better. When my parents told me they were getting a divorce, I honestly felt numb instead of devastated, but looked to the brighter side and realized both mom and dad would be happier. Learning the truth about these fictional people may have disappointed me, but encourages me to look to the brighter side of things, even though it's only slightly brighter.

(1794 char.)

Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "The Timeless Time Machines" [6]

Hi everyone! I know it's crunch time, but I would really like some feedback on my common app essay. It's 549 words, so I am a bit worried about whether or not it seems about the right word count. Also, I'm afraid it is a bit generic.

The essay prompt is:
Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

The Timeless Time Machines
Last summer, I murdered a pawnbroker and her sister with an axe...or at least that is what I felt I had done. A few months ago, I spent weeks reading Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. I would read at night when my house was so silent you could faintly hear the neighbor's television airing the latest episode of David Letterman. With a lone lamp lighting up a corner of my room, I would sprawl out on my bed and read. My eyes ran over each word, slowly but surely comprehending what message Dostoevsky was trying to convey.

Hundreds of thin pages bound by a slightly thicker cover suddenly morphed into a time machine. Each time I opened the book, I was no longer in 21st-century Hawaii, but 19th-century Russia. I could inhale the warm, musty air of St. Petersburg; I was living in an inadequately-sized garret. As Raskolnikov killed in cold blood, chills went down my spine and I couldn't take my eyes away.

Soon enough, I finished all 542 pages, and it was a bittersweet feeling to set the book on my shelf. It was then, however, that I realized my outlook on the world had changed. Here I was, reading Russian literature for the first time in my life, and I had no idea how the world was so diverse. I myself am multicultural, but where I live, home is a melting pot of all these different cultures fused into one colossal culture. Living on an island in the middle of the Pacific has provided a sort of isolation from the rest of the world for me, and I started to thirst for knowledge.

What else was out there in the world that I could learn about? Reading was my best bet, as it is through this that one is able to gain a perspective different from the tourism sites. Each book turned into a time machine, and each one threw me into a different setting. I visited Paris at the turn of the 20th century in Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera. Conrad's Heart of Darkness took me to the Congo in the 1900s. I was a witness of the Trojan War in Homer's The Iliad. I especially loved the New York lifestyle in F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby.

Traveling to all these various places through these clusters of words printed on paper has never been so exhilarating! And all of these priceless adventures have been inspired from a six dollar book I read over the summer. If it wasn't for Crime and Punishment, then I would still be slightly ignorant about what is happening with the other six billion people in the other 200 or so nations in the world. Dostoevsky's novel has inspired me in ways I cannot explain, and it has also influenced me to read more books to feel more inspiration.

I may not be an axe murderer or an "angel of music". I haven't ventured up the Congo River or past the walls of Troy. I do not even live the life of a New York socialite. However, I am always able to live the experiences through literature because not only does it bring these places to life, but it also makes me feel awake and alive as well.

Comments are appreciated and I can help you with your essays if you need help as well.

Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - essays and a limerick [5]

Hello everyone! I'm applying to NYU, and they have a fewSupplement Essays. All have a 500 character limit, so I'm trying to keep in the limits. Any type of constructive criticism would be very appreciated!

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be?

Lucy McGillicuddy-Ricardo, famous for playing Lucy on one of my favorite TV shows "I Love Lucy", would be the one person I would absolutely LOVE to spend a day in New York City with. Meeting someone who is just as clumsy as I am, I would be her accomplice in all of her antics. From singing obnoxiously loud and off-key, to packaging candy, to dancing the tango, New York City will be in trouble. We will, however, stay away from bottles of Vitameatavegamin.

(458/500)

Write a haiku, limerick, or short poem that best represents you:

The moon shines in the night sky
Along with the stars twinkling high
They bring to her life a new light
That opens her eyes, giving her new sight
Perfection is not her friend yet,
Although in time it will not be a threat
She seeks a place in this world of wonder

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be?

Say It Ain't So, but one day in New York City with Rivers Cuomo, the mastermind behind my favorite band Weezer would prove to be special. We would try to learn the mandolin and sitar to add to our lists of instruments. With these newly mastered instruments, we would become performers on street corners. The loose change we earned in the hat on the ground would go towards the fund for a cup of tea to talk over. And with a walk on the town, we would compare our thoughts on music to end the day.

(496/500)

In the year 2050, a movie is being made about your life. Please tell us the name of the movie and briefly summarize the story line.

In the Long Run...
It was not the best of times; another depression had hit. People were going hungry and poor, and inflation went rampant. One woman will rise up to the challenge as the first female head of the Fed to target the villains known as debt and inflation. Follow her on her quest to create jobs and bring down the inflation rate to find the equilibrium of the economy and save the nation.

(399/500)

Please tell us what led to your anticipated major and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Economics was not a career I planned on pursuing a few years ago; I was always destined to be some doctor or lawyer. However, two years of learning about supply, demand, and John Maynard Keynes piqued my interest in Economics. Economists strive to find the perfect balance to keep things running smoothly and take risks for it. Studying Economics in New York City, the capital of world trade, would not only provide me with a great education, but experiences I would not have anywhere else.

(490/500)

I am sorry for this lengthy post and being such a great procrastinator, but any comments would be taken with appreciation!