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Posts by Playerquadratic
Joined: Dec 28, 2009
Last Post: Dec 28, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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Playerquadratic   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / the biomedical program, What makes the University of Rochester good fit for you? [4]

Is this the type of response the admission officers want for this prompt? If so, do any changes need to be made to make it flow? Any critique is welcome. Thank you in advance.

P.S.- I am a bad writer (seriously).

What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering, identify your sources of information, including any conversations you've had with Rochester faculty, staff, students, or alumni. (less than 125 words)

I was first introduced to the University of Rochester in my sophomore year of high school. My father received an email with information about the biomedical program at the university. I became interested in attending because of the vast amount of research to be done during undergraduate and graduate years. Rochester allows its students to participate in research without restrictions. The GEAR program also was appealing to me because I could show my intellect amongst other students who have a passion for engineering. For these reasons, I believe I would be a good fit to the university because I want to be in an environment with other engineers who truly share the same passion of engineering excellence.
Playerquadratic   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice Supplement- Why School of Humanities? [5]

I think this is good. I am not a writing expert, but here are some things I noticed:
Change lucky to fortunate
Remove but from the beginning of the 5th sentence and put to apply between me and was in the same sentence
Remove the first comma in the last sentence
I don't think that the last sentence is very conclusive. Maybe end with some expectation you have of Rice University or something to that sort. Hope that helps.
Playerquadratic   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / A. The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System [2]

I need help pulling this essay together. The intor and conclusion are not strong and need input on how to make them better. I think then that the rest of essay would come together if the intor and the conclusion were fixed. Any criticism is welcome. Thank you in advance for your comments.

P.S.- I am a bad writer

Colleges showcase the different perspectives that students bring from around the world. Ever since I could remember, I have always wanted to become an engineer because I enjoyed building objects that ranged from Legos to small desks with my father. My perspective of engineering had always been limited only building things and not think about who or for or perhaps if the construction of the object was necessary. Because of my interest in math and science, I have geared towards biomedical engineering as a possible career path. My perspective of the job of engineering has been formed from my background, school environment, and volunteer work at an assisting living facility and at and orthotic and prosthetic fabrication company.

My background has been very influential on the perspective I have on my future career. My parents are of Nigerian descent. I have learned from my culture the value of respect towards elders. In the Nigerian culture, the parents are not the only figures that take care of the child or give instruction to the child, but also those elders in the community have influence in the child's upbringing. My background has prepared me for the help and constructive instruction I will receive from college professors.

My high school, Rivermont Collegiate has also contributed to my perspective. I have gone to school with students of diverse race and culture. The culture has been evident with events like International Food Fest at my school. Different cultures come together and bring food and dances and makes this time a very enjoyable time. My time at Rivermont Collegiate has prepared me for college learning because of the diverse students that I have worked with in the classroom.

My volunteer experience at a local assisting living facility, CASI (Center for Active Seniors), exposed me to patients who needed attention from outsiders. The things I have done during my hours at the facility included preparing flyers for events, assisting patients at the computers, square dancing with the patients. My first feeling when I learned I had to square-dance for the patients was dislike. During the time I square danced, I realized that I was making them happy because I was doing something they enjoyed. I was now content that I was helping someone who needed my services. One of the lady patients thanked me for coming to participate in square dancing. I realized that relating with people and assuring happiness for patients were keys in whatever field one decides to pursue.

At Eastern Iowa Orthotics and Prosthetics, a local orthotics and prostheics firm, my time was spent helping in the fabrication of devices and materials for patients who had foot or leg problems. I also spent time cutting materials and forming cast molds for the technicians who needed to use them. Constructing materials and devices was vital during my time there because patients depended on the accuracy of these materials and devices. I watched as there were many challenges that the technicians were facing in constructing the material or device that the patient would need to ease pain and bring comfort to the patients ailing body or limbs.

Combining these lessons learned, my perspective on the field of engineering changed. My background, my school environment, and volunteer experience have contributed to my perspective on my future career. With these three aspects, I can actively contribute to my field of study while at the university. I now view engineering not only a profession in constructing materials or machinery, but a profession where the individual is out to better the lives of other individuals or society. I hope that when I complete my undergraduate and graduate work, I will be able to assist those who need the services rendered by biomedical engineers.

Victor Mbakwe
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