Is this the type of response the admission officers want for this prompt? If so, do any changes need to be made to make it flow? Any critique is welcome. Thank you in advance.
P.S.- I am a bad writer (seriously).
What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering, identify your sources of information, including any conversations you've had with Rochester faculty, staff, students, or alumni. (less than 125 words)
I was first introduced to the University of Rochester in my sophomore year of high school. My father received an email with information about the biomedical program at the university. I became interested in attending because of the vast amount of research to be done during undergraduate and graduate years. Rochester allows its students to participate in research without restrictions. The GEAR program also was appealing to me because I could show my intellect amongst other students who have a passion for engineering. For these reasons, I believe I would be a good fit to the university because I want to be in an environment with other engineers who truly share the same passion of engineering excellence.
Can someone please critique this? That would be appreciated.
I think instead of saying "research to be done," it would be better to show that you look forward to the many research opportunities...make it sound less like it's necessary work and more of your personal interest.
Also, don't say you want to show your intellect to others, because that makes you sound snobby and prideful.
Sorry if I was too straight forward.
Hope this helps and good luck! :)
Rochester allows its students to participate in research without restrictions.
Instead of saying this, you can give an example of research you would like to do that would be better at this school, rather than at a school that would impose restrictions. What are the restrictions you are talking about?
The GEAR program also was appealing to me , because I could
show my intellect amongst other students who have a passion for engineering. ---- you should replace "show my intellect" with a phrase that refers to your specific interests and aspirations, something specific.