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Posts by Changan
Joined: Dec 28, 2009
Last Post: Dec 30, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 10  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 11
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Changan   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "going to enojoy my ups" - UPENN supplimentary. [17]

This my my final copy guys. Please take a look and correct grammer/word misplacings and add in any comment and ideas to improvement. PS. my word choices were very simple maybe any suggestion to placing better/more efficient word?
Changan   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "Life is full of surprises" - Prompt 3 for WashU and Vanderbilt [4]

Life is full of surprises: deaths, births, birthday parties, and the occasional blooper. We consider surprises to be accidents, unexpected happenstances ( sounds a bit weird fit in the sentence )

friend who changed my outlook ( i think the word perspective is better choice )

I joined the debate team with enthusiasm; my avidity was cut short by the knowledge that Sean joined as well. Sean was the class clown, full of endless wit.

( I personally thought it kind of contradicts when you are suppost to talk bad of the guy, instead you seem to talk good things: full of endless wit)

Yet we had to work together, so we did, grudgingly. Strangely enough, through all the "forced" collaboration, I learned not to despise Sean. He soon became not a symbol of my tribulations, but rather, a human being; and this human being, surprisingly enough, became my friend.

( did you despise him at first? maybe you try to talk about: how spending time together built you guys connection/ human connection...become closer---> friend. Maybe you can put how you started to enjoy the arguments/conversation with him...)

Your essay seems fantastic. I love your word choices,I even had to look some up. It shows your high vocabulary skills. Just some grammer mistakes you might want to get checked. PS. dont use words that you dotn exactly know and misplace it.

Can you please also take a look at my essay? Its the last one of the list: The two is same. I put my last revision on the bottom of the Thread
Changan   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "going to enojoy my ups" - UPENN supplimentary. [17]

ROUGH DRAFT of UPENN ESSAY (ACADEMIC AND SOCIAL COMMUNITY

Can someone help me revise and look over and correct? and HELP me write conclusion please

!! Thanks! Its not exactly in paragrpah forms either! T-0-T THANKS again! for all who answers
Changan   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / International Business, AIM - UPenn supplement [6]

I think your essay is to the point but wording is very simplistic. Try to put bigger words if you can and amaze the readers of your high english skills
Changan   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "going to enojoy my ups" - UPENN supplimentary. [17]

Mmm okay... I get you. Ill eliminate the first paragraph and probably i can use it for other essays. ...
for social comm. The UPENN sight told me it was more of an "extracurricular interests" which I would like to list of STWing's competitions and self-projects... and about my interest in working at the hospital helping out pep for comm service...

will that be a good ideA?
Changan   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "going to enojoy my ups" - UPENN supplimentary. [17]

I was thinking that it ties that my life started as downfall....
blah blah blah..~~ just trying to show that I worked my way up from difficulty and that I now want to enjoy the fruit of my accomplishments continuing on at UPENN?
Changan   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Tufts - Self-expression [5]

I think that your poetic writing is good.

It is good thing that you write about yourself but you have to use similar words such as
though or bough or cough or through.

Or, you can use opposite meaning of words to express your figure.

Good luck.
Changan   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "going to enojoy my ups" - UPENN supplimentary. [17]

I am worried about so much repetition... is it okay? Fix my grammar and any suggestion to make it better?

"Life is full of ups and downs. The trick is to enjoy the ups and have courage during the downs."
I was only 10 years-old when my family immigrated to America unexpectedly. The nation was still recovering from the recent 9/11 attacks, but it was also a time of catastrophe for me. In the following years my parents divorced and I continually struggled with school. I locked myself in my bedroom in effort to escape from my reality. I began to think school was meaningless and eventually stopped attending. Life was but a vertical downfall for me it seemed. However, everything changed when my mom remarried. My new family wasn't anything like the evil step-families from fairy tales like Cinderella and ...

-Contribute my life exp
- be someone that can help others of relieving their distress.
Changan   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "going to enojoy my ups" - UPENN supplimentary. [17]

Mmm I was thinking maybe I was talking too much about myself. The question is about :

Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn.

Its not actually in paragrph form and actually 2nd paragraph starts listing of how i got to know PENN and how I have interest in science and tech. ( STWing) Stwing is both academic and social comm. because its school program and it does extra activities.. building stuff competing in competitions and stuff like that. and I was thinking of ending with 4th paragrpah
Changan   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "going to enojoy my ups" - UPENN supplimentary. [17]

I know its very late. But I just couldn't think of anything at all. All the above writings seem so good. I dont think i am eligible. Seems like im going off my topic so much... is this okay? or should I just talk about that one certain community? ( which by the way is STWing)and write some about that and cut out all the side talks that I wrote?

Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.

Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania is most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

I first learned about University of Pennsylvania through my brother who has always been my mentor and a role model. He was an alumnus, a rather good one, graduating in the top of his class. He would often take me downtown and show me the school and its vast campus. He would babble nonstop of how remarkable the school was and what it could do for me.

What first caught my attention weren't any prestigious programs or majors UPENN offered; it was Penn's value on hands-on activities rather than long boring lectures off the book. Holding 165 research centers and institutes, and over 3800 faculty and 5400 assistants, Penn's great dedication towards research facility is what makes UPenn so unique and attractive to science students worldwide just like me. Becoming a doctor was my childhood dream. UPenn is an ideal place for me to continue working towards my dream; Hospitals on campus, eligibility for graduate classes and graduate level research for undergraduates and its exquisite facilities created one of most renowned environments for student's to pursue the science of medicine. I too desire to experience this overwhelming opportunity in pursuing a degree in medicine.

Finding the right school has been hard for me due to my diverse interests. During my years of high school, I grew an affinity towards Engineering and technology through a unique program called SPARC. SPARC stands for Space Research Center. Students in this project come together to build and operate a simulation of the Space Shuttle, requiring different groups in robotics, medical, engineering, computer science, flight planning, publicity and secretarial work. SPARC is a student run project, but supported by even NASA itself. Each group undergoes hands-on training of the field, which is both fun and educational at the same time. When I heard about the Science and Technology Wing at UPENN, I immediately knew it was the program for me (It immediately SPARC'ed my interest, no pun intended). Similarly to SPARC, STWing is a large community based project. Whether it may be building go karts or blimps or just working on computers, its desires to use a given student's knowledge and abilities to accomplish amazing and, more importantly, really entertaining things draws me towards a career at UPENN. Also, through STWing's dinner discussions with prominent researchers and faculty, I would like to share my experiences and knowledge and bring fresh perspective to the STWing community and eventually the Penn community.

UPenn, located in the city of Philadelphia, is a gathering place of the world. Penn's excellent academic and social programs attract people from all over the world, including me. Meeting diverse people sounds very interesting, and it will definitely provide me with a global perspective. Through my brother, I have seen the outcomes of privileged study at UPENN, I hope to follow in his footsteps and become a Upenn graduate. Once accepted, not only will I contribute fresh perspective to the community, and serve the community through diligent innovations, but continue my study in pre-med to become a doctor to help others. So pick me to be your student, and you won't regret your choice.

Not finished yet. ... just wanted to know if the idea is a good choice of writing.
PS, not in paragraph form. and sorry about my childish writings T--T