Undergraduate / UPenn - (page 217) grammar? [7]

Awesome essay! The grammar/punctuation are great, but if you still have space, maybe you should say something about Benjamin Franklin and how he related to you. Just a suggestion, the essay is great as so.

Undergraduate / "Playing as a goalkeeper" - MIT pleasure essay (100 words) [8]

Still kind of weak- you've conveyed nothing unique about yourself, just that you know how to play soccer. Just be honest. I think you're trying too hard to relate it to life.

Undergraduate / 'Writing that haiku' - Pomona Supplement - Fun activity [6]

I go to the same school as you! Running of the bulls is truly a ridiculous day; its gotten worse every year that I've been at MV.

Undergraduate / Brown- why essay (an awesome place to hang out) [7]

I like the whole "Dear journal" idea, but I think the substance is slightly lacking. Basically, Brown is asking you:

1) Why Brown?
2) What made you want to apply?

I think your journal entry is a bit too superficial, as it shows nothing about you and only about what you hope to major in. It also doesn't apply specifically to Brown- you can replace the name "Brown" with any other university and the essay still works. It needs to be college-specific and focus on YOU.