Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by LolaYu
Joined: Dec 30, 2009
Last Post: Jan 1, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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LolaYu   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins Supplement- Why Biology Essay [5]

No, I'm sorry but neither of those really make sense.

My questions were always either left unanswered or received answers much too vague ...

You can see more clearly why this doesn't make sense if you take out the first part "either left unanswered". Then your sentence will read "My questions were always received answers much too vague." (which obviously doesn't make sense) So you need to make this second part of your sentence make sense with the first part by saying something like this: "My questions were always... answered much too vaguely". Then your sentence will flow completely: "My questions were always either left unanswered or were answered much too vaguely."

You could do that or say this "My questions were always either left unanswered or the answers I did receive were much too vague."

Does this make more sense?
LolaYu   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins Supplement- Why Biology Essay [5]

I love your essay! It flows beautifully and you subtly tied it back in with why Johns Hopkins is for you. There was just one awkward spot but besides that there's nothing wrong with your grammar and structure.

Questions were always either left unanswered or received answers were much too vague, and I found myself frustrated, constantly hunting for answers.

I am also applying to Johns Hopkins and I'll be posting my Johns Hopkins essay soon. Do you think you could take a look at it?
LolaYu   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "I am not legally able to vote yet" - Stanford Essays [28]

Great job! I think the admissions officer would be excited to see a teen so active and enthusiastic about politics. Maybe towards the end of the essay you could bring it back to the college aspect and show how you will be capable of bringing your passion for politics to a new level at Stanford.
LolaYu   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "Chasing A Childhood Dream" - Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay [6]

Beautiful essay! It's great to know someone who shares a similar passion for science. I just think that maybe you could shorten the info about Carnegie Mellon in the last paragraph. The admission officers already know how great their university is.

The Mellon College of Science offers numerous many internships and research opportunities

All in all, great job! And thanks so much for taking the time to review my essay as well! ^_^ Good Luck!
LolaYu   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Tufts Self-Identity Supplement. What voice will you add to the class of 2014? [6]

Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the class of 2014?

One summer day I woke up, and it was like any other morning until an epiphany fell down from the sky and landed in my bowl of cereal - I was a huge geek. I found myself eating breakfast, while playing Sudoku, planted in front of the television watching the National Geographics series, "In the Womb". In another hour, I would be on my way to Biogen Idec's summer program to finish creating my chimeric antibodies. From that angle, I may look like your typical Asian science geek. But trust me, it gets much worse. On my free time, one can find me watching old Alfred Hitchcock or Billy Wilder films, as my parents look at me and shake their heads in disgrace. And to top it all off, I am also a hard rock and metal maniac who has a complete devout adoration for Guns 'n Roses (not quite the typical style for a classical violinist). Besides being a complete nerd, I also see myself as somewhat of a tomboy. Instead of shopping or watching Gilmore Girls, I would much more likely be found engaged in an intense table tennis match with my dad, watching football, or playing Halo with my brothers. Many of my quirky interests foreign to my friends spring from the fact that I simply love discovering and experiencing new things. At Tufts, I will be determined to explore the depths of education and research and emerge from the surface with something new each time.
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