Undergraduate / Bowdoin Supplement - "School comes first, hockey second" [2]

Bowdoin is a liberal arts college that thrives on intellectual discourse in and out of the classroom. Students, faculty, and staff all participate in the exchange of ideas in an atmosphere characterized by high achievement and a sense of balance. The Admissions Committee is eager to learn more about you and your school community. Reflecting on your own educational experiences, how have you prepared yourself to enter an academic environment like Bowdoin's? (Suggested length: 250-500 words.)

Im hoping someone can please proof read/ help me shorten my essay. I have 725 words. But the suggested length is 250-500. Is that still ok? Anyways, please help. I will return the favor.

"School comes first, hockey second." This was the one key value my mom always preached to me growing up. As an adolescent, this never posed much of a problem. In my minor hockey years, my teams typically practiced twice a week and never played more than a couple of games on top of that. However, as I grew older and climbed to higher levels in the hockey world, keeping my priorities straight became increasingly difficult. It was never uncommon for me to have to miss a few days of school every month for hockey. Therefore, I always had to keep a constant line of communication going between my teachers and me, to ensure that I was planning ahead for every class. Throughout high school this method never failed. I was always able to stay ahead of the curve and maintain grades at an honors standard. Things changed though in my senior year, when I unexpectedly made the Oakville Blades Jr. "A" hockey club. Consequently, I had a choice to make. I could stay at home and finish high school with my friends. Or I could move 3 hours away from home and face the challenge of a new school and high level Jr. "A" hockey. Being the competitive person I am I chose the latter.

I have always been the type of person that is eager to face a challenge. I've never been afraid of adversity and I've always taken pride in my ability to persevere. Thus, at 17 years old I was excited at the prospect of moving away from home to go play junior hockey in Oakville, Ontario. However, little did I know that I would be walking into the most daunting challenge of my life at the time. Looking back, I'm not sure which part was more difficult. Adapting to a new school for senior year or playing for a hockey coach who ran the team like a drill sergeant. For the first few months of the season, each day was both a physical and mental grind. Every morning at school I'd be adjusting to the realities of not knowing anyone in my classes and the different methods of new teachers. Furthermore, in the afternoon at hockey practice my coach would run my team through what my team mates and I referred to as "an hour and a half of hell". During those first couple of months in Oakville I quickly became miserable and depressed. Everything was taking its toll on me to the point where I was contemplating quitting.

Thus, I began to do some soul searching. I'll never forget the turning point when on one off day I was standing in the shower thinking about my situation. I was clearing my mind, when I came to the conclusion that quitting would be the easy way out. I had to confront my problems and attack them head on. I decided to be proactive. Instead of sitting and sulking in class I began to contribute to class discussions and sought out the teachers for extra help. I also started to socialize with the other kids in my classes and did my best to make new friends. I was finally starting to have fun again at school and my improved attitude carried over to the hockey rink. As a result, I was able to handle the intense practices better. Instead of complaining, I just bit my tongue and put in the work. Soon enough the practices became easier as I became well adjusted them. By persevering through the hard times and attacking my situation with a positive attitude, my life became whole again. By seasons end I was able to go back home a success in both the classroom and on the ice.

Due to the fact that I was able to persevere through my senior year, I know I will be well prepared for the academic environment at Bowdoin. Since, I plan on playing on the Men's Ice Hockey team at Bowdoin, I'd be naïve to think that it won't be tough balancing both hockey and a college work load. However, because of my previous experience I know how to handle any forthcoming situations. I feel confident that going into Bowdoin with a positive attitude and a proactive approach I will be able to tackle any forms of adversity thrown my way.

Undergraduate / How A Book Influenced You -- The Game -- Brown Supplement [5]

My thread yesterday was deleted. Im not sure why? Anyways, I ended up re-writing my essay today, and would greatly appreciate some proof reading/ simple edits if possible. The favor will be returned if asked. :) I would also like to note that I exceeded the 500 word limit (640 words), but I cant figure out any other way to shorten my essay. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that has influenced or inspired you.

I consider myself a very well rounded person. I am a natural athlete that loves to play all kinds of sports. I am very creative and have always done well in school. I enjoy playing thinking games like chess and expressive instruments like the drums. I have always had a diverse group of friends. However, the one aspect of my life where I was always deficient was my relationships with girls. Growing up I had very few female friends and did not have a single girlfriend throughout high school.

I never knew how to connect with women on any level and I didn't know anybody who could teach me how too. It was the only area of my life in which I felt like a complete failure. Two years ago I finally decided I wasn't content in not having a love life. Therefore I decided to seek out answers and I eventually found what I was looking for when I read The Game by Neil Strauss. Not only did this book teach me proper social skills with the opposite sex, but it allowed me to discover something I had never experienced before, love. In spite of my new found knowledge I wasn't an overnight success and the learning process consisted of trial and error. Nevertheless, I'll never forget my first major breakthrough in my quest for love.

It was another long Saturday afternoon being spent in the musty confines of the Vancouver Public Library. Despite the fact that it was long overdue for a renovation, the library was the perfect place for me to log quality studying time for my SAT. I had isolated myself to the back of the building where it was quiet and free of distraction. Nothing was going to come between me and my practice tests that day.

That was until I noticed that an adorable looking girl with black glasses had set up camp at a nearby table. I tried to keep my focus on the task at hand, however; I couldn't help myself from drifting my eyes towards her. She had short black hair that danced across her shoulders, and a beautiful complexion that lit up the room. On top of that she looked like the type of girl who I could converse with on multiple levels. An intellectual who I could discuss a wide range of topics with, from the score of the Red Sox game to Obama's foreign policy.

At that moment I thought of a quote from The Game, "Don't even think about it and just do it. If you don't, you'll be regretting it the rest of your life". Thus, I took a deep breath, got up from my seat and began my approach. As I walked towards her, I began to lose feeling in my legs. My hands began to shake, and my heart was racing like a thoroughbred. Despite my anxiety I tried to display as much confidence as I could. As I floated towards her, she looked up at me. My mind began to go blank, all the openers and routines I had memorized were flying out the window. Then she smiled at me and said, "Hi, I'm Rebecca. What's your name?"

Little did I know then, that today I would still be calling that cute girl from the library, Rebecca McClane, my girlfriend. I thank God every single day for allowing me to come across The Game because my old self would have never been able to muster up the courage to approach Rebecca. I can honestly say my life is better because of my relationship with her. I can converse with her about anything and everything, and I know she will be there for me through good times and bad. Most importantly, I can proudly say that I now know how it feels to love.