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Posts by Punpunpun
Joined: Jan 3, 2010
Last Post: Jan 21, 2010
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Posts: 6  


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Punpunpun   
Jan 21, 2010
Undergraduate / Mythology: I'm curious, is this a good essay for a HS senior? [3]

This is a "what's the purpose of myth" essay of mine. I'm curious what people outside of my school think. This is an unedited first draft btw, and if I was turning it in soon, it would be better.

Mythology, in its purist form, seeks to explain the unexplainable. Sometimes this explanation comes from arcane metaphor and symbolism, but most often it is told from the lens of a relatable and idolized protagonist. It is these ideal heroes, who exist on the verge of humanity, that are the most captivating element of mythology as the average person aspires to be one by transcending their current state of existence.

Among factors that motivate people to idolize a hero, estrangement from god and/or the numinous, a supernatural existence, is particularly prominent. This issue of estrangement is pervasive throughout most of mythology. As Bierlein puts it, "many myths tell of a 'time before time' wherein God (or the gods) and humans lived in a companionable fellowship that was broken through sin or perhaps an action on the part of the Creator" (1999). Amidst these myths, the story of the fall from Eden serves as a wonderful allegory.

In the fall, the once innocent Adam and Eve eat from the forbidden tree of knowledge, causing them to know of good and evil. Seeing their nakedness, they cloth themselves and hide from God. Upon realizing what they have done, God casts them out of the garden. In their venture to become more like God, Adam and Eve ironically become unable to be one of his creatures. When Adam and Eve learned the way a god may think, they ceased to be divine. Their existence, akin to Heracles, was a dichotomy of infinite and finitude.

Poignantly summarized, "limited by his nature, infinite in his desires, man is a fallen god who remembers the heavens" (Alphonse de Lamartine, 1790-1869). Although it may seem that there are exceptions to man's desire to transcend, for of course there are atheists, nihilists, and general nonbelievers, estrangement from god is an entirely secular concept. The terminology used is just outdated.

As a part of nature, man is subject to physical laws. On the other hand, man is limitless in desire and imagination. By being set apart from other animals, yet having to share the same limitations, humans are given an existential crisis. Transcendence to divinity, awareness, or a "technological singularity," is what encourages people to achieve their perceived potential.

Mythology provides hope with the archetype of the hero. As observed by Campbell, the story of a hero often follows a common pattern in which "a hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man" (1945). This monomyth, or hero's journey, gives meaning to man's existential crisis. Spiderman, a modern mythological hero, perfectly illustrates this arc.

At the beginning of his journey, Peter Parker is just a mundane and slightly nerdy teenager. This importantly sets the stage for the reader to relate with Peter, and allows the reader to imagine themselves in Peter's position. One day, Peter is bitten by a radioactive spider. He then starts to exhibit special powers and begins his journey as a hero.

Now endowed with great ability, Peter is left at a crossroads. Instead of altruistically using his powers, he decides to use them to make money. In the process, he ignores a robber who ends up killing his uncle. A grief stricken Peter then reflects on this incident and remembers his uncle's words: "with great power comes great responsibility," thus completing his transition to the role of Spiderman.

This larger tribulation again allows the readers to relate to Peter. While it may not directly speak to the loss of a family for some, it serves as an allegory to avoid Peter's former selfishness. The ability to relate and connect with a character also makes the message more meaningful.

Then, as Spiderman, Peter encounters "fabulous forces" and a "decisive victory is won." Spiderman's numerous battles with super-villains and equally important conflicts of identity shape Peter and he comes out of each experience as a stronger person. Finally, when the arc ends, Peter is left with a sense of the responsibility. As Spiderman, Peter makes the world a better place.

While monomyths may offer different perspectives of how to live one's life, in this case through altruism, they most importantly set models for transcendence. Ultimately, people seek to become better, regardless of the path they take. Mythology is the embodiment of this universal sentiment.
Punpunpun   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Common App essay: How A Computer Changed My Life [2]

Fellow web guy here. As a silly nitpick, websites can be dynamic, not dynamical.

Overall you tell too much, but show very little. Pick a specific moment of you programming and use it to illuminate why you like CS.
Punpunpun   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Caltech essay. Unusual fun essay! [8]

Besides this being poor writing (understandable if you're a math person and English is probably your second language), you don't really answer the prompt.

How are you quirky and unique?
Punpunpun   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay- How do you express your interest in math, science or engineering? [3]

When I was growing up, I always bugged my parents with questions about the world around me. When I turn on the television, I asked, " how does a motion picture [bad word choice, would you have said this when you were a kid?] appear?" When my parents were driving me around in a car, how were we able to move? When I type on the computer, how do numbers and letters show up on the computer screen? When I continually asked these questions, I realized that, while they all had their own specific answer, there was a common answer for all: engineering. Engineering is why we can go from Georgia to California in four hours. Engineering is how we have been able to fight the Measles, smallpox, and diphtheria. Engineering is why I can submit a college application online.

I get what you're saying. However, your grammar and mechanics are bad. Adjust the "how does it work" sentences to work like the first, but with variations of "asked." The Georgia to Cal example is vague, specify a plane. The disease bit isn't really engineering as much as it is medicine. The college example isn't a great example of engineering either.

Red stuff in the following paragraph is awkward/grammatically incorrect.

My curiosity about how the world works shaped my interest in engineering. I want to be that guy who puts the questions in the minds of aspiring engineers in the future. As I grew older, walking around every day, I still asked questions.But I also answer them myself. And I try to make something out of it. In middle school, I was riding up an elevator when it hit me. How does an elevator work? That's when I learned about the world of mechanical engineering with pulleys, levers and wheels and axles. I put together a system of my own using wood and string. [You happened to have wood and string in the elevator? And you happened to construct a model elevator in the elevator?]A pulley carried up a rubber ball as an elevator wood; it turned over on a wheel and axle, landed one side of a lever and blasted a smaller ball on the other side into a cup. Side projects like these were fun, but I wanted to explore my interest more. I wanted to see engineering as it's used in the world.

Sorry, I give up. Fix your grammar. It's really bad.

My rough writing is usually iffy too. To fix it, I read through my piece out loud and it becomes easy to find my errors.

Punpunpun   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Famous New Yorker, Haiku, Movie, Program, NYU [8]

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.) (489 characters/500 characters)

With my love and passion for musical theater, I would love to spend a day in New York City with Idina Menzel. We would first watch "Wicked" together, and with her connections, go backstage to meet the cast members, directors, see the costumes and makeup, and learn [implies you both would learn. she probably wouldn't] about the production of the show. Afterward , we would head to a nearby coffee shop, where we would talk about our favorite musicals, our favorite musical songs, and what B roadway shows we each wished we could have seen.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.
All these hopes and dreams
All of these aspirations
One day will come true
Trite and generic. This tells me nothing about you that's different from the 32434 other driven kids applying to NYU.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line. (553 characters/500 characters; NEED TO CUT DOWN THE FAT :])

Defying Gravity, Regina is the middle child in a large immigrant family. She is overshadowed by her older sisters accomplishments, & her parents finances have been exhausted due to health & spending on the rest of her siblings. Nothing is expected from her, but she has large dreams. She works hard to prove herself to her family, gets into a nationally acclaimed university, raises money to attend school, goes on to medical school, and finally becomes a doctor. She ultimately gives back to her family, and helps her younger siblings attend college.

Seems pointed to "NYU is critical in my life plan," but otherwise fine.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline. (448 characters/500)

My interest in the medical field has stemmed from my dad's recent bout of heart failure. Having witnessed first hand the pain and suffering caused by medical problems, I have been enlightened on what I really want to do- relieve peoples suffering, and be instrument of healing. If given the chance to attend NYU, I would take advantage by learning from the New York community, and pursue my interests not only intellectually, but also creatively.

Great job here.
Punpunpun   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Caltech Humor Prompt [4]

I'm a nerd and I didn't get the hat day reference.

Also this seems artificial and disingenuous. Write about something you think is funny and don't worry about impressing Caltech with your love of technology.
Punpunpun   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Phone Call that Changed my Life" -Common App Personal Essay [2]

The way that this essay is presented conveys that Andrew's Angels changed your outlook, not Andrew's death directly.

If that's the case, you should emphasize the ministry more. The lady in the cart would be a great topic to focus on.
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