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"She pulls the knife out..." - Short Story Help [4]
Hi, I need help on my short story on grammar and other stuff if you can correct it please.As Liam walked down a red brick patio out from a tiresome workday, he went to the convenience store on Toluca Lake. He needed to grab some milk and eggs for breakfast. He heads into the building. He jerks the black door handle, and smelt of pine sole as it filled his nostrils. He walks calmly to the back of the store, and picked up a gallon of milk and carton of eggs. Waltzing towards the back, he glanced at the refrigerator and noticed there was a sale on RC, and proceeded to grabs one. He headed to the front of the store and is greeted by a young blonde woman who was wearing a tight white shirt and blue jeans. He placed the items on the granite counter to be ringed in. She ringed all the items and Liam asked for a mega million lottery ticket. He grabs his wallet and hands the cashier $6.19. He then left the store and headed to the corner of the street to the bus stop. He patiently waits half an hour for the bus greeted the bus driver and placed his bus card into the machine. Liam arrives at his apartment a one bedroom in the poorest neighborhood in Los Angeles. He jerks opens the door and is greeted by the smell of burnt toast. He flips the switch and only some light immersed in his empty living room beside an old sofa and TV. He throws the groceries on the kitchen countertop and sprinted to the bathroom to change. After a moment, Liam immerged in blue pajamas, takes the groceries out the bag, pours himself a glass of RC, and puts the milk and egg in the refrigerator next to a lone jar of peanut butter. He puts his lottery ticket on the lament countertop, making sure not to forget it when he leaves in the morning. He grabbed the glass of soda, sat on his green couch, and turned on the TV. Liam switched the channel to watch the George Lopez show. The George Lopez show was almost over and notices it is 9:00 pm: time to watch local news. The headlines were somebody was shot, and as foreclosures still looms over many homeowners. Liam went outside and gets the mail. There are more envelopes than yesterday: noticed there were all bills for gas, electricity, and water.
Liam went in to the same convenience store to buy chips and soda since he got his paycheck today. First, he walks to the register it is the same woman in the white shirt but today she is wearing a black shirt that matches her blonde hair. He hands her the lottery ticket that he bought yesterday. She scans his lottery ticket and then with a smile as big as joker she tells Liam he has won last night's mega million. Liam starts jumping up and down happy, and asks the woman to check again she says yes with enthusiasm. He takes his lottery ticket back, runs to the back of the store to grab chips, soda what he originally wanted to buy but also takes a bottle of fine whiskey, wine, beer, hot dogs, and chocolate. He heads to the register to get it all ringed up. The total comes to $75 he hands the women $100 bill and tells her "keep the change". As he is grabbing his groceries in a rush the women at register says she is single and gives him a look like Megan Fox.
On the way home, Liam stops at Best Buy to buy a 42' TV, computer, some new furniture, and cell phone. He has everything delivered to him except the cell phone. He goes home looks in the pile of papers in the corner and finds what seems to be a paper covered with coffee mug stains. He opens the new cell phone and dials the number on the paper he just found. He dials the number with hesitation. He puts the phone against his ear as the tone goes there is sweat coming and his heart beat raises. On the other side of the phone there is voice of a lady in her 20s, Liam says "Hi, Miley" she responds by saying "I told you not to call me" Liam says "I need to meet with you" Miley says "I told you we are over" he responds and says "please... listen to me I have something special" she answers as mother would say yes to a child asking for candy "fine meet you at McDonald's at 5:00 o'clock sharp" with that she slams the phone.
Liam has all his lottery money transferred to his newly acquired bank account. He goes to the nearest real estate office, and buys a 6-bedroom house right by the California bay. He also buys himself a black Bentley Continental GT. He heads to the Gucci store and buys himself a brand new suit, a purse for the woman he will meet at McDonald's, and heads to the barbershop to get a haircut and shave which he has not had for years. He takes his Bentley and goes to McDonalds to meet with the woman it is 4:50 he is 10 minutes early. He goes to register and orders two Big Macs meal and vanilla milkshake for Miley who he knows really like them. He takes a seat with the food and he is waiting it is 5:17 and finally he sees Miley. She has changed since he saw her two years ago. She does not have the bags under her eyes he saw her with also; she looks much more "fresher". He gets up and greets her with a kiss on her cheek. He grabs a black chair and opens it for her to sit, and opens another chair for him. She is over whelmed to see Liam, as a child playing with new toy would.
She says "Wow Liam you look great, what happened?"
Liam with enthusiasm says "what do you mean what happened...I told you I was going to change"
"Well I didn't know you were going to change that fast...but seriously what did you do to change so fast"
"I hit it big... I won the mega million"
"You must be joking you playing the lottery you barley had money for bread"
"Well... I just taught of giving it a try... and I won, come on eat the food before it gets cold"
"That was good... but I am still hungry for Pomegranate Sorbet"
"Let's go and get some"
Both of them headed out of McDonalds in a rush. He got to his black Bentley jerk opened the door for as she sat down.
Liam and Miley were heading to Liam's new mansion. Both of them arrived at Liam's new house.
After month of living together at Liam's house like is perfect.
One day Miley came home from a day of shopping. She went to the expensive stores in Los Angles; Gucci, Nordstrom, Armani Exchange, Louis Vuitton, and Juicy Couture. She came home to a "fresh" house.
Liam and Miley are sleeping together in their master suite. Miley gets up from the warm soft bed with her silk robe on to get a glass of water. She heads down the carpeted stair to their massive kitchen with gold faucet. She opens to stainless steel fridge and takes out a bottle of Armand de Brignac. She pours herself a glass of it and drinks it. She grabs the drawer handle and takes a sharp 12' knife. She heads to the bedroom where Liam is snoring. She pulls the knife out...
