reeseinskool
Jun 6, 2010
Writing Feedback / Do-Gooders need to let us decide (the three risky behaviors), rough draft [2]
Part 1
Tile and author: I had to read a story called "Do-Gooders Need to Let Us Decide for ourselves what is Harmful" by Ed Fulginiti. Now that is a long title for a story.
Brief Summary: the story had a lot of confessions and rants about making your own decisions. The author himself tells about how he was a child and made very bad decisions but was lucky enough to not be hurt in anyway. He talks about how kids will be kids and not thinks about the reckless dangers they put themselves in through everyday life. How people need to just make the own choice and take whatever karma gives them, some are lucky and don't receive bad luck.
Bridge Sentence: I agree with Ed Fulginiti, people will always make their own choice by the time they are born to the time they will die of old age.
Thesis Statement: I'm going to write about the three risky behaviors that I had done and hope my child doesn't do the same.
Part 2
First transition: to begin with the story I was a very wild teen, I'm not so proud of it. While Ed fulginiti hopped off of moving trains I was smoking at the age of thirteen. You think I'm talking about cigarettes but not I'm talking about marijuana. I knew the dangers of smoking pot, but I didn't care because that was the cool thing to do back in middle school before kissing ever come into my mind. I remember my first experience was with a girl name Miranda and her older sister. When I started I felt like I couldn't stop, till I got caught in high school my senior year. Thank god the teacher was a close friend to my family and didn't report me to the school. You can say I was one of the lucky one who didn't have no consequences to my actions.
Part 3
Second Transition: another wild thing I did was sex; I wish to this day I had waited. When I enter in high school as a freshman I hated it because all the upper classmen would torture us. Well I smoke weed all the time especially before I went to class so I can deal with the bullshit. One day I met a boy name Don I thought he was one of the coolest people in that high school. Well he was a junior and hang out with me. Well I shouldn't had fall for his sweet talk because when he got what he wanted from me, he left and kept being cool don. Then I became Reese cup because he would joke about how sweet I was this was horrible for me and one of the consequences I had to take for one action that I thought was worth it. Kind of remind me of Ed Fulginiti when he ate too much candy and drink too much soda, just not a good combination.
Part 4
Thrid Transition: Most importantly the worst decision I had ever made was alcohol. I started drinking my Junior year in high school. I moved to another state and Reese Cup wasn't use as a sex joke and pretty happy I was getting a new clean slate. I was in choir and orchestra doing my best even though I was still smoking pot it kind of cut down.... (didn't finsish this or the conlusion) please help! and thanks
Part 1
Tile and author: I had to read a story called "Do-Gooders Need to Let Us Decide for ourselves what is Harmful" by Ed Fulginiti. Now that is a long title for a story.
Brief Summary: the story had a lot of confessions and rants about making your own decisions. The author himself tells about how he was a child and made very bad decisions but was lucky enough to not be hurt in anyway. He talks about how kids will be kids and not thinks about the reckless dangers they put themselves in through everyday life. How people need to just make the own choice and take whatever karma gives them, some are lucky and don't receive bad luck.
Bridge Sentence: I agree with Ed Fulginiti, people will always make their own choice by the time they are born to the time they will die of old age.
Thesis Statement: I'm going to write about the three risky behaviors that I had done and hope my child doesn't do the same.
Part 2
First transition: to begin with the story I was a very wild teen, I'm not so proud of it. While Ed fulginiti hopped off of moving trains I was smoking at the age of thirteen. You think I'm talking about cigarettes but not I'm talking about marijuana. I knew the dangers of smoking pot, but I didn't care because that was the cool thing to do back in middle school before kissing ever come into my mind. I remember my first experience was with a girl name Miranda and her older sister. When I started I felt like I couldn't stop, till I got caught in high school my senior year. Thank god the teacher was a close friend to my family and didn't report me to the school. You can say I was one of the lucky one who didn't have no consequences to my actions.
Part 3
Second Transition: another wild thing I did was sex; I wish to this day I had waited. When I enter in high school as a freshman I hated it because all the upper classmen would torture us. Well I smoke weed all the time especially before I went to class so I can deal with the bullshit. One day I met a boy name Don I thought he was one of the coolest people in that high school. Well he was a junior and hang out with me. Well I shouldn't had fall for his sweet talk because when he got what he wanted from me, he left and kept being cool don. Then I became Reese cup because he would joke about how sweet I was this was horrible for me and one of the consequences I had to take for one action that I thought was worth it. Kind of remind me of Ed Fulginiti when he ate too much candy and drink too much soda, just not a good combination.
Part 4
Thrid Transition: Most importantly the worst decision I had ever made was alcohol. I started drinking my Junior year in high school. I moved to another state and Reese Cup wasn't use as a sex joke and pretty happy I was getting a new clean slate. I was in choir and orchestra doing my best even though I was still smoking pot it kind of cut down.... (didn't finsish this or the conlusion) please help! and thanks
