Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY : CONSUMER SOCIETIES [5]

hello everyone, I wrote an essay about consumer and economics topic, could u help me correct this essay and mark it. thanks~:-)

Topic : many people say that we now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Undoubtedly, money and wealth are two indispensable compositions of our modern society. Many people believe individuals and societies both emphasize money and possessions too much, which leads to egotism in our societies. While some claim that the improvement of our living conditions depends on the consumer societies to some extent. In my opinion, consumerism is an inevitable trend but its drawbacks cannot be ignored.

First of all, consumption contributes a lot to each country's economic growth. If we were still attaining goods via bartering like our ancestors did thousands years ago, our standard of living would never be improved, and our demand would never be satisfied. Furthermore, money and wealth can certainly be the incentives of working. An individual, for instance, would only be willing to finish overtime work at higher wages. When he or she earns more money, some commodities will be purchased, such as cars and furniture. As a result, this person's quality of life will be improved through this earning-and-purchasing cycle.

However, the drawbacks of consumer societies are self-evident. Throw-away culture has gradually developed in this kind of society, leading to lavishness. In particular, those who have high income tend to have extravagant lifestyle. In addition, considering too much about profits makes people greedy and selfish. That is why we sometimes feel somewhat indifference between people in our societies.

In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against consumer societies. It can be seen that consumerism is one of the inevitable steps of the development of human beings' society, whereas there are not only benefits we can get, but some issues waiting to be tackled.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: GUN CONTRAL [5]

hello, this is an ielts essay i wrote yesterday, can u guys help me mark it. thanks a lot!!

Topic : why should the ownership of guns be limited

Gun is definitely not a kind of normal good in our society, which is strictly controlled in most countries. However, gun control in some countries is relatively loose than others. Therefore, this is still a controversial topic around the world. From my point of view, it is sensible to enforce the gun control.

The first factor considered is the risk of accidents with guns. The accidents cannot be completely avoided although only those who have gun licenses can purchase guns. For example, we hear some news from time to time that someone was hurt by accident during the hunting. So the fewer guns possessed, the fewer accidents would happened, our surroundings would be safer with lower accident rates.

Secondly, most violent crimes are related to the abuse of guns, especially in some countries where guns are available for people. Eventually, guns will create a violent society if the trend continues. Take an example, in American, young adults and even juveniles can get access to guns, which leads to the tragedies of school gun shooting. What is worse, some terrorists are able to possess more advanced weapons than the police, which makes citizens always live in danger.

Thirdly, the possession of guns can also raise the rates of suicide. In the US, firearms remain the most common method of suicide, accounting for about 50 per cent. Unfortunately, there is an increasing trend of adolescent suicides and suicides among those age 75 and over.

In conclusion, considering the rise in accident rates, violent crime rates and suicide rates, I support that the guns should be strictly limited and the government should enforce a series of laws to prevent our societies from violence.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: salaries of sportspeople [2]

hello guys, could u help me evaluate this essay I wrote yesterday, and give the estimated score if it was in ielts. thank you very much!!

topic:Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sports people are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, sportsman has become an attractive occupation especially, for these teenagers who have a dream to be a millionaire. Some people argue that some sports players do not deserve to be paid such an enormous salary. However, from my point of view, it is still relatively equitable as the public is willing to pay and these athletes do not succeed without any efforts

The main point of those who are against is that some sports professionals earn too much money compared with some critical professionals, like surgeon, teachers and nurses. It is true that these people make huge contribution to our society and should be respected and paid more. But the accomplishments of most sportspeople are not one-night success as well, which also require hours of tough practice and a variety of pain other people do not know. Moreover, some sports stars are keen to hold and participate in various social activities. Take Yaoming as an example, who is a billionaire in NBA, he donated millions of money to support those people in the Wenchuang earthquake. Thus, the unfairness is not the issue.

In my view, it is justified that some top sportspeople can have a striking salary. It should be noted that the top players in the specific sports items are few. Only can several top professionals have extravagant lifestyle. And a factor which some people do not take account in is that the lifespan of sports person's career is rather short. Normally, they have to end up their career in their early 30s. Therefore it is reasonable to receive much money in a short period as a preparation for their future life.

In conclusion, our society had better place more value on the essential professions, while the amount of money the sports professionals make is rational when considering the efforts they made and the lifespan of their career.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Effects of mobile phones [3]

Hi guys, I am preparing the ielts exam, here is an essay I wrote.
can you give me some advice and estimated scores? thanks for your help!!

Topic: there are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What form do these problems take? Do problems of using mobile phones outweigh the benefits?

Nowadays, the popularity of mobile phones has brought about a lot of convenience but at the meanwhile a variety of problems as well, such as social, medical and technical problems. However, I do not think these disadvantages will outweigh the advantages brought by cell phones. In this essay, I would like to analyse these three issues in order to support my viewpoint.

First of all, almost everything that changed our lifestyle a lot will also cause some social problems. Mobile phones are not out of expectation. Speaking loudly on the phone in public areas, such as schools, libraries and hospitals appears to be very impolite and offensive. What is worse , some students utilize their cell phones as an effective cheating tools in examinations in which they can send and receive answers by texting each other. Nevertheless, it is not impossible to solve these problems, as long as some regulations and rules can be effectively implemented.

It is also worth mentioning that some harmful effects on our health are lethal. It has been proved that overusing of the electronic devices including mobile phones could lead to higher possibility of suffering hearing loss and even cancers, although the further investigation are needed.

Another debatable problem is about techniques. There is panic among people that their conversation can be intercepted by the third party. This possibility exists all the time. But a more efficient and reliable system can also be invented to guarantee the private information of users.

Moreover, the mobile phone has become a dispensable multifunctional tools in people's daily life. Not only used for communication, but it also functions as an Internet browser, a music player , a personal organiser and so forth.

In conclusion, nothing can be overused without side effects. The contribution of the mobile phone to our modern society is prominent and people's dependence on it is irreversible, although it has a number of problems that should be well handled.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Internet and communication [3]

hello everyone, I am an ielts learner. I need your help, can you correct my essay and give estimated score? thank you!!

Topic: do you agree or disagree with the following statement the internet has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

My essay:
In modern society, the internet has been perhaps the most outstanding innovation in the field of communication. Some claim that the popularity of the internet will lead to damage to their communication skills. However, in my opinion, the internet is just a different way to communicate. I would like to state the benefits of the internet in communication and the difference between the internet and other communicating methods.

First of all, the internet has bought so much convenience to our communication. Compared with the postal service which was used widely decades ago, there are a wide range of services in offering in the internet, such as email, online chatting and messenger services. Moreover most of them are normally free for their users. Therefore, it can be seen that we can communicate in a fraction of second with a friend, who is sitting in the other part of the world.

However, there are definitely some differences between the internet and traditional communication manners, which can contribute to the estrangement between the adolescents and their family. Since people at different ages have different favoured communication manners, it uneasy for those who get accustomed to writing letters to type an email just like a young person does. But this drawback is not the one that could not be deal with. Actually, among the increasing number of internet users in china, there is certain proportion of elderly people.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that the application of the internet will be more and more prevalent, especially in the area of communication. It can be expected that in the visible years, the internet will be the main platform of communication, although it has not been accepted by every person yet.