swu02
Aug 31, 2010
Graduate / Quick Fix: Opening Paragraph, School of Medicine interest [13]
Ok I am telling myself here that revision is the only way to better essay!
Please please take a look, i have tried to cut out bad sentences and in doing so have basically written a new essay.
Discuss your interest in X School of Medicine (500 words)
"I don't know where I would rather be, here or back in my parents' noodle house to marry a girl they had set up for me." I listened to Khamili during our interview session at Daytop drug rehabilitation center in Yunnan, China. In summer of 2008, I carried on a Yale Howland Fellow-initiated program to document heroin relapse among the Daytop Yunnan residents. In addition to drug rehabilitation treatment, I was also exposed to substance abuse-themed community education and HIV/AIDS awareness programs at Daytop that gave rise to my interest in global health - a field that became a focus of my career pursuit in medicine. My strong desire to become a physician, who is well versed in global health and art of medicine in an international context, has led me to XSM. With its flexible curriculum, abundant research opportunity, and supportive faculty, XSM promises to advance my education pursuit with great enthusiasm and guidance from its community. I fervently hope to become a student of XSM and believe it is where I can grow to be a competent and compassionate physician I have envisioned myself becoming.
Following the research experience in Daytop Yunnan, my partnership with Water Safety System in Indonesia had been an inspiring introduction to global health program, where I assisted the local implementation of an international initiative that is coordinated by large US education institution and NGOs. At XSM, I intend to participate in its vibrant global health programs and contribute towards the common goal of improving the wellbeing of population in need. The collaborations of XSM and other X institutions also offer many interdisciplinary opportunities to meet student's interests; I hope to take advantage of X's International studies programs whether it is seeking X-China Medical English Fellowship through the historical X-China association, continuing Indonesian language studies at Council of Southeast Asian studies, or pursue other programs at different regions.
XSM does not only offer a distinguished research environment for its global health-minded students, but it also provides unique education options of international clinical elective and clerkship. As a XSM student, I will have the privilege to learn from both US and oversea health care systems and medical procedures in my formative year of medical education. Having had lived in several countries, I have witnessed a spectrum of healthcare service shaped by cultural norms, certain disease prevalence, and other regional-specific factors. I believe the international learning experience is immediately beneficial to my personal growth as a physician in the face of increasingly diverse patients and consequent illnesses in our globalized society. More importantly, the XSM student-visit is also invaluable to the long-term advancement of medicine as we open the doors for knowledge exchange and collaborative work around different parts of the world.
Practicing medicine is a lifelong commitment, and I feel strongly about obtaining an education that will fuel a lasting passion in learning and serving the underprivileged population in need. As a candidate, I couldn't be more excited to join the stimulating people and program at XSM, which will empower me to build a rewarding career in international health.
Ok I am telling myself here that revision is the only way to better essay!
Please please take a look, i have tried to cut out bad sentences and in doing so have basically written a new essay.
Discuss your interest in X School of Medicine (500 words)
"I don't know where I would rather be, here or back in my parents' noodle house to marry a girl they had set up for me." I listened to Khamili during our interview session at Daytop drug rehabilitation center in Yunnan, China. In summer of 2008, I carried on a Yale Howland Fellow-initiated program to document heroin relapse among the Daytop Yunnan residents. In addition to drug rehabilitation treatment, I was also exposed to substance abuse-themed community education and HIV/AIDS awareness programs at Daytop that gave rise to my interest in global health - a field that became a focus of my career pursuit in medicine. My strong desire to become a physician, who is well versed in global health and art of medicine in an international context, has led me to XSM. With its flexible curriculum, abundant research opportunity, and supportive faculty, XSM promises to advance my education pursuit with great enthusiasm and guidance from its community. I fervently hope to become a student of XSM and believe it is where I can grow to be a competent and compassionate physician I have envisioned myself becoming.
Following the research experience in Daytop Yunnan, my partnership with Water Safety System in Indonesia had been an inspiring introduction to global health program, where I assisted the local implementation of an international initiative that is coordinated by large US education institution and NGOs. At XSM, I intend to participate in its vibrant global health programs and contribute towards the common goal of improving the wellbeing of population in need. The collaborations of XSM and other X institutions also offer many interdisciplinary opportunities to meet student's interests; I hope to take advantage of X's International studies programs whether it is seeking X-China Medical English Fellowship through the historical X-China association, continuing Indonesian language studies at Council of Southeast Asian studies, or pursue other programs at different regions.
XSM does not only offer a distinguished research environment for its global health-minded students, but it also provides unique education options of international clinical elective and clerkship. As a XSM student, I will have the privilege to learn from both US and oversea health care systems and medical procedures in my formative year of medical education. Having had lived in several countries, I have witnessed a spectrum of healthcare service shaped by cultural norms, certain disease prevalence, and other regional-specific factors. I believe the international learning experience is immediately beneficial to my personal growth as a physician in the face of increasingly diverse patients and consequent illnesses in our globalized society. More importantly, the XSM student-visit is also invaluable to the long-term advancement of medicine as we open the doors for knowledge exchange and collaborative work around different parts of the world.
Practicing medicine is a lifelong commitment, and I feel strongly about obtaining an education that will fuel a lasting passion in learning and serving the underprivileged population in need. As a candidate, I couldn't be more excited to join the stimulating people and program at XSM, which will empower me to build a rewarding career in international health.
