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Posts by jellyroll1987
Joined: Aug 19, 2010
Last Post: Sep 22, 2010
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jellyroll1987   
Sep 22, 2010
Undergraduate / Biomechanical engineering, Uni of Texas Austin transfer/Statement of Purpose [4]

I have been really swamped with work and the application process in general, thank you so much for your earlier posts, sorry I could not reply sooner.

I have revamped my statement of purpose to focus more on the direction I plan to take in mechanical engineering. I appreciate any advice, the deadline is really soon :(
jellyroll1987   
Sep 13, 2010
Undergraduate / Special circumstances: socio-economic standing; educational goals - UT Optional essay [2]

Prompt: Students submitting Essay C do so in order to submit additional information to the university about special circumstances, such as socio-economic standing; educational goals; cultural background; employment, internships, etc.; race or ethnicity; personal experiences and hardships; personal responsibilities; and any additional information submitted by the applicant.

This is my first draft, I need to submit this essay within the next couple days, any helps is greatly appreciated :)

I remember my first day at the community college in downtown San Antonio. My alarm sounded at five that morning. It was pitch black outside and there was humidity in the air. I had slept for only a few hours the night before; the anxiety of beginning college two and a half years after high school and not having a vehicle had really affected me. I gathered all my things before leaving that morning, double-checking that I had everything I would need for the day. As I walked to the bus stop, my nerves continued to escalate.

The two-hour ride to school was torturous. Having nothing to do but think, I had an opportunity to reflect on the decisions I had made in the past. I felt regret about not having started college right after high school, I worried that I had forgotten how to be a successful student, and I began to feel envious of those who had an easier time through college. I was so preoccupied feeling sorry for myself that I almost did not notice the woman on the other side of the bus.

She was a Hispanic woman in her late twenties with long black hair and of small stature. In her left arm she held an infant and to her right two small children were fighting with each other. She took notice of people on the bus begin to get aggravated with the level of noise her children were producing and attempted to settle the toddlers down. Her attempts were matched with an even louder clamor, which of course woke up the sleeping infant. I watched her try to maintain her composure and quiet the children. After a few more minutes, she buckled the infant in her stroller and told the children to settle down one more time before placing her head in her hands and breaking down into tears.

The sound of the bus doors opening in front of campus snapped me out of my trance with the woman's situation and I made my way off the bus. The doors closed and the bus continued on to its next destination, but the image of that woman would not leave my mind. As I walked to my first class I realized immediately that my life could be much harder. Although I had to work full time and depended on the bus for transportation, I still had a future and a chance to improve my life.

Supporting myself while attending to college has been quite the task for me. For the past two years I have kept a full time job and have spent my time off at school. With the exception of one semester, I have paid for my tuition and books from the earnings I receive by working. This past summer I finally had enough money to get a vehicle. Due to this change in lifestyle I was able to take summer classes in the morning and work nights to pay for summer school. Being that this semester will be my last at San Antonio College and I now have the means to drive myself, I plan to be much more involved in the community as a demonstration of the gratitude I have for the opportunities the community college has given me.

There have been many times that I felt I would not be able to make ends meet, but I have managed to get by. Some may consider working while going to school to be a disadvantage, yet I feel that because of this hardship I have grown to be a very strong young woman. I realize that I still have a long road ahead of me, but I find comfort in the fact that hard work pays off. In the words of Larry Bird, "I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all the time, somehow things will workout in the end."
jellyroll1987   
Sep 13, 2010
Undergraduate / "many great things" - What special qualities will you bring to the UCF? [3]

Good job on getting a draft out, the application process is quite daunting. I did notice a few way in which I believe you can improve your essay, hope this helps :)

The University of Central Florida offers me and all those who apply to it a rare opportunity to study in a place that is both a large metropolitan area and a tight knit campus. At othermany universities, the campus is either tight knit and far from any city or spread over a city's area;. Either way, the campus provides an inconvenience to the students. At UCF,however, the students live near all the campus activities and have many ways to access the city of Orlando; Yy ou get the best of both worlds. UCF gives the students the tools to have a very close group of friends on campus and job opportunities in a growing area of Orlando. The education you get from the school is supplemented by the job experience in Orlando at places like Disney World and Universal studios. This unmatched balance between a tight campus life, city opportunities and a great education gave me all the reasons I needed to apply to UCF.

AsWhile UCF offers me many great thingsopportunities , I will add many great things back to the university. As many students applying to UCF, my academic and school-related achievements speak for themselves ; I've earned my grades through hard work and worked hard in my extra-curricular activities. The different quality that I feel I bring to the school is not measured in hours or grades. I believe my ability to just sit down and let the world go by me makes me unique and special. In today's world, people are moving so fast that they rarely have time to stop and think about the world. People never get a chance to realize the true beauty the world holds or even just figure out their own true beauty. Everyday, I try to take think about my life and my effect on everyone around me. I believe it makes me a better, more relaxed person and someone who is truly in touch with myself. I feel my relaxed lifestyle makes me a better student as I never stress about anything and never feel overwhelmed by school work. While I feel my time in thought makes me better, I'm in no way perfect or close to it. I still have flaws and faults like everyone in this world. The time I take out of everyday simply allows me to see these flaws and possibly fix them--which does not always work. The unique way I live my life hopefully projects out to other people and shows them a different way of looking at things
jellyroll1987   
Sep 13, 2010
Writing Feedback / "the doctor announced that I was pregnant" - Courageous action [5]

I think this is written very clearly and to the point, good job :) I am fairly new at revising, so I don't know that I am right in the corrections I have made, but I hope this helps

I was shocked when the doctor announced that I was pregnant. I didn't expect a pregnancy at this time, when my relationship had ended a month ago.Being that my relationship had ended a month earlier, I was not expecting a pregnancy.My boyfriend didn't know that I was pregnant because we hadn't planned it. For the first time in my life, I had to face a difficult situation that required a courageous action. I was a college student whose school expenses depended on financial aid and family support. I was afraidMy main concern was that I wouldn't be able to take care of my baby.

I come from an immigrant family and was the only child who could attend college. I was always told that finishing college was my first priority. Strongly believing in educationBeing that my parents are strong believers in education, , my parents they sacrificed a great deal to see that I was provided with a quality education. However, if I told them what was happening to meof my pregnancy , I was afraid that they would be disappointed and wouldn't be able forgive me. ThoughRegardless , I decided to keep my baby and confidedconfide into my parents.

Although I don't remember exactly how our conversation went on that day, I was aware that it was an extremely uneasy moment for me. It was hard for my parents to accept the truth. They were astounded and frustrated. They suggested that I should have an abortion and continuedcontinue my education; otherwise, they wouldn't support me with my finances .

I knew that being a single mother was not an easy task, especially, I hadconsidering the fact that I would have to deal with my own finances . Eventually, I had to search for a full-time job.I looked everywhere, from anthe Internet to athe newspaper. Luckily, I had found a full-time job and obtained heathhealth insurance which covered for my baby and myselfme . But most importantly, I was actually interested in the job I was doing. I worked as a maternity care assistant at the OB doctor's office, and I decided to continue my education in the medical field.

I was surprised to discover that I had so much energy, which allowed me to work at the daytimeduring the day and go to school during nighttimeat night . Maybe it was because ofI believe it was the anticipation of becoming a mother that made me so much strongerstrong . I have come to realize that life doesn't go as smoothly as we expect sometimes. Yet, at low point in our lives, and under difficult circumstances, we need to respond with courageous action
jellyroll1987   
Aug 19, 2010
Undergraduate / Biomechanical engineering, Uni of Texas Austin transfer/Statement of Purpose [4]

Statement of Purpose

This is what I have so far, any help is greatly appreciated.

When I was eighteen my father tried to convince me that I did not have a future as an artist. He argued that it was not because of a lack of talent or ambition, but rather because I would not be able to support myself as an artist no matter how talented I was. I thought of my father as a pessimist and decided to pursue my dreams regardless. After supporting myself as an artist for two and a half years I reluctantly took my father's advice on attending college, attaining a degree, and beginning a career. When I began my courses at the local community college in San Antonio I did so with the intention of completing a liberal arts degree so that I may improve my standard of living and get back to my passion for art later in life. I did not realize it at the time, but by attending classes at San Antonio College I was going to discover a field of study that encompasses my artistic abilities, sparks my curiosity for knowledge, and fulfills my desire to help others.

It had been years since I had taken a science or mathematics class and when I began the required biology course for my degree plan I assumed that it would be mundane and painful. Much to my surprise, I found myself spending more time studying for biology than I did for any other class. I began researching topics on my own, listening to talks online, and reading anything having to do with science. My curiosity spilled over to other disciplines such as technology, physics, and mathematics. I was pulled so strongly by my desire to acquire more knowledge that by the end of that semester I decided to pursue a degree in the applied sciences, particularly in mechanical engineering.

Over the course of my studies, my curiosity for mathematics and science has continued to grow. In fact, the more courses I take towards my degree the more I realize that four years of formal study in mathematics, physics, and engineering won't be enough to satisfy my inquisitive nature. Therefore, I have decided to extend my education to graduate school. Even though there are many possible paths of study for graduate school, I have settled on biomechanical engineering. I won't be able to begin my study of biomechanical engineering until I complete my bachelor's in mechanical engineering, but I can't help but look forward to my graduate studies. Biomechanical engineering has every aspect of a career that I find valuable: it requires creativity, curiosity, knowledge, and helps improve the quality of life of others. I look forward to understanding how medical devices and instruments of today function so that I may generate those of tomorrow.

Clearly there are several universities that provide for a bachelor's in mechanical engineering, yet the University of Texas in Austin has appealed to me the most. The qualities of the University of Texas in Austin that I find most valuable are the resources available to the students, the challenging curriculum, and of course the experienced professors. My ultimate goal is to continue my undergraduate studies at the University of Texas in Austin so that I may establish a solid foundation on which to continue my studies in graduate school. Although I have learned a great deal from the instructors at San Antonio College, I look forward to continuing my bachelor's degree at a university that has the resources to match my curiosity.
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