Writing Feedback / My disappointment of art class essay. Wanting something and not getting it can be very frustrating [NEW]

Hi again,

Please give me your feedback. Thank you so much for your help.

------------------------ Essay Question -------------------------------
Wanting something and not getting it can be very disappointing, but wanting something and then getting it can be disappointing too. Have you ever wanted something, gotten it, and then were disappointed? Describe these disappointment.

------------------- My Essay --------------------------------------------

Throughout my childhood I always wanted to take drawing classes. I thought it would have been fun if I could learn how to draw. To fulfill my long awaited wish, I took a drawing class during my freshman year in college. However, the experience of taking drawing class turned out to be a disappointment shortly after the class started because I found that the class was not fun, that it required hard work, and that it gave me stress.

I found the class disappointing because I did not have a fun experience. The class started with homework right away. Every student was assigned to draw ten objects every week. The instructor did not give any basic drawing lessons. Right away, I felt overwhelmed with the numbers of drawings that I had to do, and I did not know how to start. I tried very hard, but I could not produce ten drawings each week. As a result, I did not enjoy the class.

Each drawing took me a lot more time than I had expected. It took me a day or two be able to draw one object. Consequently, the drawing class consumed much more of my time than all of my other classes. On top of that, the objects that I drew looked nothing like their appearances. I regretted that I took the class because it was full of hard work.

After a month into the semester, I was totally stressed out because the drawing assignments that I was supposed to turn in every week were in a big backlog. Since I was only able to produce five or less drawings each week, the number of drawings that I had to catch up to was quickly multiplied. I knew that there was no way I would be able to finish all the drawing assignments, so I ended up dropping the class because I did not want to stress myself out anymore. In addition, I did not want the bad performance in my drawing class to affect my overall GPA. Having nothing to do with that drawing class lifted up my spirit.

In short, my burning desire of being able to take a drawing class was fulfill during my first year in college; however, I found the class disappointing because my experience in the class was not fun, full of hard work and stressful. From then on, I stopped fantasizing about drawing activities. I decided that I would wait until when I am retired before taking another drawing class again.

Writing Feedback / U.S. is becoming a nation of spectators; people prefer to sit back and observe rather than do things [NEW]

Good evening,

Please give me your feedback on this controversial essay. Thank you very much for help as always.

" The U.S. Is becoming a nation of spectators - people who prefer to sit back and observe rather than a nation of doers. " Explain why you agree or disagree with the quotation above. Support your position with examples from your readings, observations, or experiences.

Recently I have come across numerous articles mentioning statements similar to the quotation "The U.S. Is becoming a nation of spectators - people who prefer to sit back and observe rather than a nation of doers." This quotation stirs up many controversial discussions among people. Some people agree that the U.S. is becoming a nation of spectators and that people spend a lot of time watching TVs, or playing video games and much less time involving in building and strengthening families, communities and the country. Others disagree with the quotation, and they feel that the U.S. is a nation of participants and that people involve more in community work and politics than people in other nations. At first I did not believe what I read from those articles, but after careful thought I actually agree with the quotation that we are becoming a nation of spectators especially when it come to the education of our children, our communities, and our politics. Most of us would rather spend time watching reality TV than get involved.

In education, very few of us participate in helping out in schools. It is easy for us to talk about deterioration of our children education. Many of us would rather talk on the phones or read our emails than help out with our children homework. For most of us, our daily planners only schedule going to work, paying our bills, meeting our obligations, and nothing about volunteering in our children classrooms or joining school PTAs. We claim that we don't have time to attend parent-teacher conferences, yet we spend hours watching TVs. We expect the school and the teachers to take care of our children education. It is easier for us to blame teachers, our children, curriculum, or the administration of schools for the education misadventure of our children than to blame our civic lethargy and social disengagement.

In community, we would rather watch a firestorm burning down houses in the news from our comfortable living rooms than volunteer to help out fire victims. We spend time reading our neighborhood crime stories in local newspapers and expressing our concern about community safety, but we don't join our neighborhood crime watches to help patrol the streets. We complain about the lack of maintenance on our public parks, but we don't help repair them. Too many of us lack confidence in our capacity to make basic civic judgments to join our neighbors to do work of community, to make a difference.

In politics, our favorite pass time is watching Jay Leno or David Letterman making fun of our current president or future presidential candidates instead of working on a campaign or running for office. we relegate our politics to experts and political insiders, and we become consumers of public life rather than productive, engaged citizens. This trend is especially troubling for young people. Research has found that young people in the ages group between 15 to 24 lack politically interest, trust and knowledge about American politics, politicians, and public life. Over the past decade, many of us have become passive and disengaged in our politics.

In short, I agree with the quotation that we are becoming the nation of spectators rather than doers when it come to issues dealing with our children education, our community, and our politics. We spend more time watching news and entertainment media and much less time getting involved in improving our children schools, building our communities and engaging in our politics.

Writing Feedback / 'more sad memories than happy ones' - My childhood experience and its effects. [3]

-----------------------Topic Question ------------------------------------------

Many childhood experiences leave lifelong impressions on people. Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.

----------------------- My Essay ------------------------------------------

I went through my childhood with more sad memories than happy ones. I sometime wish that I could feel the other way around. Unfortunately, the dramatic and sad experiences stand out more in my memory bank. Among my childhood , I remember the experience of my father helping me on my math problem when I was nine years old the most. That experience has affected my relationship with my parents negatively and teaches me to be a better parent.

When I was nine years old, I had trouble in math. I could not do multi-digit division; thus, my math performance in school suffered. My mother made me kneel for about fifteen minutes then spanked me afterward if I got an average grade or below in school. She could not help me because she had no education. To overcome the math problem, I asked my father for help one night. The experience that I went through while getting help from him was the worse one in my childhood.

My father and I spent next three hours together that night, and that was the longest three hours I had ever experience in life. He helped me by having me doing many multi-digit division problems and if I made any mistake he would whip the back of my hands with a wooden ruler. I of course got countless number of whips especially at the beginning because I didn't know how to solve them. I can still recall his out control temperament. He yelled at me and told me how stupid I was continuously. I remember crying nonstop and begging him to stop hitting me. At the end of that three hours I was no longer having any more math problem or any other problems.

After that night, I always made sure that my parents would never know any of my problems. I stopped asking my parents for help. That experience has affected the way I feel about my parents. I was not closed to my parents before, and that experience deteriorated our relationship further. That experience also affects the way I raise my children today. I learn to be more tolerable and helpful to children, and not to repeat the same nightmare that I went through with my father.

In summary, the three hours that I spent with my father while he was helping me with my math problems is my most memorable childhood experience. It has a negative effect on my relationship with my parents, yet it has a positive effect on the way I raise my family today; I learn to be a better parent out of that experience.

Writing Feedback / Changing College Experience; turn back the clock to work more on English [NEW]

--------------------------------- Essay Question ------------------------------------------------
Imagine that you could have made one change in your college experience. Explain what change you would have made and what difference it would have made.

----------------------------------- My Essay ----------------------------------------------

If I could turn back the clock to make one change in my college experience, I would have worked more on my English skill prior to taking classes for my engineering degree. With strong English skills, I would have been able to have a greater learning experience, to perform better in my all classes, and to have more career choices.

I would have enjoyed my learning and participated more in many of my classes if I had put more emphasis on improving my English at the start of my college years. I started college after just one year of learning English. Couple with that, I had to support myself while attending college. As much as I wanted to understand more of the contents of the subjects that I studied, I could not afford financially to take more English classes. The pressure of paying off my debts dictated when and what classes I had to take. As a result, I was not able to enjoy many classes such as sociology, biology, and history, just to name a few. I did not participated in these classes as much as I would have liked. Although many of the classes I mentioned were not related to my major, understanding the contents of these subjects would have enhanced my overall college experience.

Next, if I had started out my education with many more English classes, I would have performed better in college. Although I excelled in many of my math and science classes, my performances in classes that required an advanced reading comprehension skill were average. Looking back at my college years, if I had taken more English classes before working on my engineering degree, I would have been a straight A student.

Lastly, I would have had more options in career in choices if I had begun my college education with strong English skills. I chose an engineering major because many classes in the engineering field required less English and more math. I am thankful that I am good in math because it was the skill that allowed me to successfully complete my college education. I might have chosen a different career other than engineering if I had worked on my English skill more at the start of my college years

In conclusion, I would have been able to enjoy learning more, improve my academic performance, and have more career choices if I had taken more English classes at the beginning of my college education.

Writing Feedback / The impact of technology in modern life. Is it a force that has escaped from human control? [NEW]

Good morning everyone,

Please give me your feedback on this essay. Thank you.

--------------------------------- Essay Question ------------------------

Technology is very much a part of modern life. Many people see technology as force that has escaped from human control. Others feel that technology has improved the quality of life. Do you think that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive or negative? State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples.

------------------------------- Essay response -----------------------------------

The issue of technology being a part of modern life is a controversial one. Some feel that the contribution of technology has made a positive impact in modern life and that technology helps improve the quality of life. Others see that contribution of technology has negatively impacted modern life and that technology is a force that has escaped from human control. I believe that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive; technology helps improve productivity in manufacturing, quality of life, and education.

Technology helps improve productivity at work by allowing manufactures to produce more in less time using less manpower. Many simple tasks that workers used to do are now done by robots. For example, the robotic arm seeing on a modern garbage truck enables the trash collection process to be done by one man on otherwise a two-men job.

Next, technology helps improve the quality of life by doing many of our mundane tasks so that we can spend more time on things that matter to us. Home appliances take care some of the

daily chores such washing dishes, doing laundry, and making coffee automatically, just to name a few.
Refrigerator keeps food to stay fresh longer therefore it minimizes the number of trips to the store. Microwave enables food to be warmed up in just a matter of minutes.

Lastly, technology helps improve school. Computers are used by schools across the country to help improve student learning ability. Computer simulation is used in flight school to allow students learning to fly without risks of accidence. Schools use computers in testing environment to allow students taking self-assessment test and getting instant feedback. Many students use the internet for research or getting online help.

In conclusion, the contribution of technology benefits modern life in so many ways. At work, technology enables manufacturings to produce more in less time using less manpower. At home, technology helps doing some of daily chores so that time can be spent on more important things. In school, technology is used as tools to improve student learning ability. Therefore, I believe the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive.

Writing Feedback / Experience difficulty in school essay. Mechanical Engineering class [NEW]

Hi again,

Could you please tell me if my essay succeed answering the questions and please point out all other mechanical errors that you come across. Thank you so much.

------------------------ Essay Question --------------------------------
Most students have had some type of difficulty in one course or another. Difficulties stem from various source, such as teacher-student conflicts or lack of interest in the subject field. In an essay to be read by an audience of educated adults, identify one class in which you faced a difficulty either as a student or as a teacher, describe the difficulty, and explain how you handled the situation.

-------------------------- My Essay ----------------------------------

Nearly every student experiences difficulty while he or she in school. Some students succeed at dealing with their difficulties while others fail to so. I had my own share of difficulty in some of my classes especially in college classes. Most of my difficulty stemmed from lack of English. Having little English made learning most of my classes challenging. However, the difficulty I faced in my Mechanical Engineering class was more than just lack of English.

In my Mechanical Engineering class, I found the subject difficult to understand for two reasons: the complexity of the subject and my unfamiliarity of Mechanical Engineering terms. I found the subject hard to digest. In addition, the subject of Mechanical Engineering had its own set of vocabularies beside common daily used English. Unlike math problems, Mechanical Engineering problems were word problems that required interpretation. At the time, I did not have enough vocabularies in order for me to be able interpret the word problems. After the first two weeks of the class, I gradually felt lost, and my grade suffered. I realized that I had to either drop the class or do something really fast to address the difficulties. So, I decided to tackle the difficulties.

To handle the difficulties, I first analyzed all the sources of the problem. After careful thought, I knew that I needed to learn all the new Mechanical Engineering terms and that I needed tutoring on the subject. So, the following two weeks, I tried to learn all the new vocabularies, and I got help from my university tutoring service. My tutor who was a Mechanical Engineering graduate student was very good at explaining the subject using simple examples that I could relate to. I worked very hard in this class, and the result paid off; I successfully passed the class.

The difficulties that I experienced from mechanical engineering taught me a valuable problem-solving skill. Today, I use this skill to address most of my problems; I first analyze its sources then apply the best solution to solve the problem.

In summary, I faced difficulty in My Mechanical Engineering class due to its subject complexity and my lack of English. The experience of handling the situation taught me the problem solving skill by analyzing the source of the problem and finding the effective solution.

Writing Feedback / Increase physical education requirement in high school [2]

Hi again,

Could you please give some feedback on the essay below. Thanks.

------------- Topic Question -------------------------------------

The school board at High School X is considering raising the number of years of required physical education classes. The board will be voting on a proposal to raise the number of years students need to take physical education from one year to three years. Do you think the school board should increase the physical education requirement to three years? Support your opinion with specific examples.

---------------------- My essay ------------------------------------

The issue of raising the number of years of required physical education classes is a controversial one. Some believe that physical education plays a very important part of high school overall experience where students learn valuable skills such as strategy, problem solving, and teamwork. Others believe that increasing physical education would take away more necessary time from academic learning and that physical education activities are extracurricular activities; thus, they should be done after the school day. After careful thought, I believe that the board should increase the physical education requirement to three years in order to benefit students health, teach students life skills, and help promote students psychological and mental benefits.

Physical education benefits students overall health. Students build strength and endurance through physical education activities. Stretch done part of the exercise helps prevent unnecessary injuries. Regular exercise helps students build strong immune system; therefore, it helps reduce number of student absences due to sickness. Furthermore, the physical education also influences students long term health; it helps reduce chances of obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes.

Next, physical education teaches students many valuable life skills such as strategy, problem solving, and cooperation. Many variety sport games offering through physical education classes teach students to work together toward a common goal. Furthermore, sport games teach students the basics of sportsmanships and that there is much more to sport games and activities than just winning and loosing. Sport requires training and mental and physical preparation, and it helps build self-confidence.

Lastly, physical education helps promote psychological and mental benefits. Exercise has shown to help reduce anxiety and depression. Exercise helps increase the blood flow to all parts of the body including the brain; thus, it helps improve memory and mental alertness.

In conclusion, physical education classes benefits students in many different ways. It helps improve student health, and through sport games, students learn the necessary life skills such problem solving, strategy, and working together. And last but not least, exercise also has shown to improve memory and reduce anxiety. As a result, I believe that the board should increase the physical education requirement to three years.

Writing Feedback / A Beautiful Sunday Morning -- my descriptive writing. [2]

Hello again,

This is my descriptive writing. Please give me your feedback. Thank you very much for your help. Here it goes...

A Beautiful Sunday Morning

As we left our front door and marched toward the street, we looked up at the deep blue sky with occasional patches of white clouds spreading across. I took a hold of my five-years-old daughter's left wrist and held tight. We turned our heads as our eyes checked for traffic on both sides, then we hurried across the street. The street was empty and quiet on mid Sunday morning; it showed no sign of car or people. Many cars still parked in the drive way. I heard our own foot steps as our shoes hit the pavement. The bright sun warmed my bared shoulders as we trod along the sidewalk.

We passed by many front yards with drought-tolerance and zero-maintenance landscapes consisted of beds of blue-gray river rocks, dry juniper bushes, and rows of white and blue agapanthus. Occasionally, we came across a few high maintenance yards dressed up with thick green lawns and annual flower beds of colorful impatient. The some sections of the sidewalk was still wet from the morning lawn watering. When we passed by a row of blue agapanthus, my daughter stuck her right hand out to the side with a slide raised angle to catch its flower heads. My eyes scanned ahead for objects standing in our path or for a rare sight of dog poops as we had encountered them in the past.

My daughter hooked her finger into mine, and we walked side by side. Our hands swung back and forth in leisure in the same rhythm with our foot steps like two solders marched down the street. My daughter's eyes were busy looking every objects at the front yards. Sometimes, our head tilted back and our eyes looked up to followed the sound of birds chirping overhead. We saw no sign of birds but a ceiling of dense oak leaves. Along the street, a very long canopy of oak branches draped over the street gave an illusion of us walking in the tunnel. The playful oak leaves hit one another caused by the occasional gentle breeze. Some leaves danced side to side as they flew down from high above. Others spun out of control before hitting the ground.

The air carried the scent of citrus flew over our noses, as we approached the small lemon tree standing at the sidewalk. Many riped bright yellow lemons hung low from the branches. My daughter turned her body toward me and waves both of hands in front of my face. At the same time, her legs carried her body up and down, as she tried to jump up to get my attention. I stood still in front of her. Her head tilted back, and our faces met. Her eyes lit up with excitement and said, " Mom, can we have some lemonade after our walk?" The thought of fresh lemonade made my mouth watering. I replied with a smile, " Sure!" the lemon tree was followed by a long row of tall, red and white oleanders planted along the side walk in a bed of dirt raised about two and half feet high above the ground.

From a half of a block ahead, we saw a glimpse of a gray squirrel eating his acorn under the nearby oak tree. We tried not to make any noise by tiptoeing forward to take a closer look at the squirrel. As our eyes focused on the squirrel and paid no attention to what in front of us, my left shoe hit one of the rock sitting on the sidewalk by accident and sent it flying toward the oak tree. It then bounced against another rock and caused the loud noise which startled the squirrel. He turned his head toward the rock then toward our direction. In no time, we heard the sound of dried leaves rubbed against the pavement as he darted across the surface and raced up the oak tree. We could hear the sound of the leaves hitting one another as he disappeared between the leaves and branches high above. We raced up the to tree. Our head tilted back and our eyes searched for his sight up in the tree, but all we could see was a blanket of thick green and black leaves covering the sky.

After a minute of standing still, we resumed our walk forward. Our finger hooked together once again as we walked side by side continuing down the path in silence. I realized we were doing more than just having a walk on this Sunday morning; we were building a bond. An experience that I have hoped we continue to have in our many more Sundays together.

Writing Feedback / Sticker-shocked food prices ; Corn Ethanol- Renewable Energy gone bad [3]

Hi, could you please give me your feedback on this essay. Thank in advance for your help.

Essay Title: "Corn Ethanol: Renewable Energy Gone Bad"

Lately everyone has heard that corn ethanol is the key to our renewable energy and independence from foreign oil. Given the current energy crisis, we can't help it but be hopeful. However, our hope is short lived after we experience the sticker-shocked food prices at the grocery stores. And that is just one of the many negative impacts that corn ethanol causes that many of us not fully aware of. Beside corn ethanol causes a swift increase in food prices , it is very uneconomical to produce, and it impacted the environment negatively.

Firstly, The demand of corn to use in producing ethanol drives up the over all food prices significantly. the high food prices cause by the fact that most of our corn are now used in producing ethanol. According to Wikipedia, the price of corn per bushel has gone up to $7.36 in June 2008 from the recent norm of around $2. Many farmers see more opportunities in growing corn; therefore, more land are used to grow corn and less for grains and vegetables. That causes supply and demand imbalance; thus, the prices of grains and vegetables also went up. Beside using corn in producing ethanol, corn is also used in feeding livestocks. Meat producers have experienced high costs of animal feeds, and consumers see higher meat prices at their grocery stores as meat producers try to pass on their costs. Similarly, the prices of corn-based products also go up. Last month, as I pushed the shopping cart down the isles at my grocery local stores, I noticed nearly every items on the shells went up at least 30 to 50 more than they used to. For example, the price of a pasta package that I used to buy for $.69 now costs me $.99. Or the price of a French bread went up from $1.59 to $1.99. As a result, consumers now pay from 30 to 50 percent more for food than they used to.

Next, it is very uneconomical to produce ethanol from corn. Producing corn is very energy intensive. According to Wikipedia, the complete production costs of farming, seed, fertilizer, pesticides, fuel ethanol distillation, etc., are taken into consideration, ethanol utilizes 30% more energy to produce than it creates. It uses fossil fuels in virtually every steps of the crop cycle: planting seeds, operating farm equipment, making and applying fertilizer; and transporting the corn to the market and of course fuel to run the refineries that convert corn to ethanol. It is currently uneconomical to use corn in producing ethanol since it costs more energy to produce corn ethanol than it creates.

Finally, corn based ethanol affects our environment negatively. Although the growing crop absorbs carbon dioxide from the atmosphere, so burning corn ethanol does not directly create any additional carbon dioxide. This analysis is not correct for the production of corn-based ethanol because fossil fuels are used in growing of corn and the production of ethanol, and these contribute to global warming gases. Nitrogen used in fertilizer also tends to produce nitrous oxide which is 300 as potent a global warming gas as carbon dioxide. Moreover, government-sponsored efforts to cull forest lands for "biomass" fuel stocks could threaten the continued existence of countless animal and plant species and would increase the amount of climate-change carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.

In conclusion, corn used in ethanol production causes soaring food prices, is very uneconomical to produce, and impacts the environment negatively. As much as we like to reduce global warming and be independent from foreign oil, it is too soon to call corn ethanol the key to solve our energy crisis. Unless technology helps improve efficiency of corn-based ethanol in that it uses less resources to produce energy, or else we can't help but wonder have we lost our ability to think. Or perhaps doing something is better than doing nothing in a moment of madness to calm our frustration in facing our energy crisis.

Writing Feedback / My grandfather is my hero; 'he was kind to his neighbors and homeless people' [3]

Some people idolize their heroes as someone either famous or extraordinary. These heroes' names can be found in many books and literatures for future generations to admire and learn from. Unlike some people, my hero is a very simple man and is unknown to most people. My grandfather is my hero. I learned three wonderful qualities from just spending time with him; he taught me kindness, fairness, and caring.

Firstly, he was kind to his neighbors and homeless people. My grandfather struggled to make ends meet all his life, but he never hesitated to give meals to homeless people who knocked on his door. He often said, "Giving a meal to a homeless person does not make you poorer or richer, but it makes you feel good." He tried to help his neighbors as much as he could. He often either let them borrow his tools or gave them a hand.

Secondly, he taught me fairness. I was about seven years old when he came to visit for the first time. After learning that all house chores belong to the girls and not the boys, he told my mom that she should treat all kids equally. He suggested that everyone should pitch in to help out regardless. Although my parents ignored his suggestion, I admired him for speaking up for my older sister and me.

Lastly, he cared about his grandkids a great deal. My grandfather spent all his time with his grandkids during his visit. He often brought homemade cookies to share with all of us. With seven kids, my mom only had time for my two youngest siblings. My dad spent most of his time traveling for his job. As a result, I felt like I spent more quality time with my grandfather than with my parents. My grandfather took the time to answer many of my questions and comforted me when I was scared. He made me feel good for just being me.

In short, my grandfather is my hero. Through his way of living, he taught me to be kind to others, to stand up for fairness, and to care for love ones. Although he passed away many years ago, he has always been in my heart.

Writing Feedback / Pain at the pump. An electric vehicle should be your next car [4]

Lately everyone has experienced the pain at the pump. The sky-high gas prices force people to think of alternative vehicles to reduce the cost of driving. An electric vehicle has crossed my mind many times in the past year. After looking into the cost for maintenance, the cost of recharging, and the performance of electric vehicles, I am convinced that my next car will be an electric car.

Firstly , electric vehicles require much less time and money for maintenance than traditional vehicles. They require no regular tune-ups, and oil changes like traditional vehicles. Furthermore, they have no timing-belts, no water pumps, no radiators, no fuel injectors, and no tail-pipes to replace; therefore, they require very little maintenance.

Next, they cost much less to recharge compared to the cost to refuel traditional vehicles. For instant, my current car required premium gas, and the premium gas costs on average about five dollars per gallon. Consequently, my car costs me approximately seventy dollars for every two weeks to refuel, and I am not a typical driver. I only drive about three to four thousand miles per year. On the other hand, electric vehicles only cost around a dollar per day to recharge according to California Air Resource Board's recent survey.

Lastly, their performances are as superior or better than traditional vehicles. Performance Testing done by California Air Resource Board has demonstrated that Electric Vehicles' acceleration, speed, and handling equal to or exceed that of traditional vehicles. Electric vehicles are very energy efficient; they are about seventy five percent energy efficient compared with twenty percent fuel efficiency in the tradition vehicles. They produce less noise because the engines do not run if the vehicles are not moving.

In conclusion, Electric vehicles require less time and money to maintain and recharge, yet they has the same or better performance than traditional vehicles. I am convinced that owning an electric car in the near future is the smart decision. In 2009, there will be quite a few number of electric cars coming onto the market; Think, Subaru, and Mitsubishi are just to name a few. If you are trying to cut down the cost driving, you should test drive electric vehicles at your next trip to the car dealers.