Undergraduate / Chinese background mixed with America and a hint of passion for dance [7]

Hi I'm trying to apply for UC schools and I'm doing my college essays. I would love to hear critics/comments/feedbacks about it. The more critique the better :)

Essay Prompth #1:Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

Growing up in an Chinese home where higher education is very highly regarded, I have always struggled meeting my parents expectation. Through out my younger years, my mother had ingrained in me the need to work hard and get good grades. Fun was for after everything was done and that seemed to never happen.

In February 11, 2000 I moved to the US where a new beginning awaited me. It was as if I formed a new chapter in my life, the pages blank and empty, ready to be filled. Everything was different. The air was smog-free, the streets were not littered with garbage and the people were very friendly. I have been blessed with the privilege of going to a public school instead of a private school which gave me the opportunity to express myself without the barriers that school uniforms gave me and experience the diversity of people all the while offers me opportunities to succeed in a friendly environment. The only downside at the time was my beginner-level English. The teacher was talking too fast for me and I could not ask my peers for help because I could not communicate with them. However, I was determined to not let language be a barrier between me and my life. Knowing my mother's struggles to get me to where I am today taught me that by working hard, I can achieve anything. The only factor that was hard for me to accept was the idea of equality. Gender does not seem to matter in this country. I was taught in Indonesia, my native country, that males are the more prevailing gender. Women were expected to listen to their husbands and support the household rather than work. But here, women have the same rights as men. What men could do, women could also do.

The opportunity that I have received by coming to the United States is a blessing. I don't think I would ever be able to live back in Indonesia with the lack of higher education and a different mentality of women in society. Many of the people I know, although they graduated from college, have only become house wives. Not that it's a bad thing but I want a career and be able to provide for my self regardless of my marital status. With that in mind I would never take for granted any opportunity to go to college. I believe with an optimistic outlook toward life coupled with hard work and confidence, I can achieve any goals I put my mind to.

Thinking back, I am able to say that I have progressed over the years and have become a better person. My mom's attitude about education is not mine completely but it has shaped me for the most part.

Essay Prompt #2:Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I have always had artistic abilities - whether it would be culinary, drawing, or dance- since I was a little girl. Back when I was in Indonesia, I participated in art competitions and beauty pageants every couple of weeks. Throughout the years, I accumulated trophies that my grandmother displayed with pride on the shelves. I took art lessons twice per week to the different technique of coloring and sketching and pageant lessons to perfect the techniques of performing pageants. Although my mother did not think of them as significant, I value those lessons. When my friends are out playing, I would be home finishing an art piece that my teacher assigned to me. I continued showing my artistic abilities through my art class and cooking class in middle school in the US.

It was the beginning of freshman year when my passion for hip hop passion emerged. In eighth grade, I remembered a couple of girls from the high school asking around whether any of us would like to try out for drill team. I was somewhat interested and tried out, but I did not make the cut. One day, I saw a poster for DA, a hip hop team, tryout. I went to the first workshop and I fell in love with hip hop right away. The beat of the music, the moves, the people, I loved every single minute of it. I remembered watching the members practicing for a different piece other than the tryout piece and marveled on how strong they look, how confident they go through the moves, and how happy they seemed. I was so ecstatic when I found out that I had made the team.

Every Monday and Wednesday we would practice for two hours with a five minute water break in between. We have extra practices on Fridays and Saturdays if it is competition season. Most of the time, I come to school with an aching body and bruised knees but these are insignificant compared to the happiness I receive from dance. We were expected to memorize a whole routine in one practice session and practice them until our moves were precise and sharp. I remembered learning a two-step and thinking to myself, "this is impossible!" but in the end, after hours of consistent practice and aching legs, I conquered the step with pride. After six months of consistent practice, we participated in competitions in different schools and performed in pep rallies, fall/spring showcase, back to school nights, and even a DA alumni event.

I was forced to quit in the middle of junior year because my parents were worried about my grades slipping. I was so heartbroken. DA team was my life, my family. Hip hop was my passion and every time I dance, it felt as if nothing else matters. It brought me a satisfaction that I could never receive from anything else.

Although I am no longer a member of DA, I continue to appreciate life for the moments of artistic enrichment and continue to practice and dance during my spare time. Dance is a part of who I am and I will use the confidence and determination that it gave me to go through life with the same enthusiasm that I go through with dance.

P.S. I'm 11 words over the word limit which should be a total of 1000 words. If you can somehow help me condese them, that would be aprreciated. Thank you!