Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Please do give some feedbacks no matter they are good or bad. Thanks B-)
I enjoy a joyous life. Having a carefree childhood, without economic burden, attending a school with strong reputation...I know my family has always provided the best for me. Although I have those advantages, I was aware of the world beyond myself.
Some stereotypes of Chinese parents suggest that they are rigorous, making their children repress their own wills and emotions. However, my parents never pressured me and let me make my own decisions. They believe that I am mature enough for the consequences. At home, we always debate about social issues like politics and scandals. It is the most exciting family time for me, because the debate stimulates my critical thinking and a sense of awareness of global and social matters. From an early age, my parents encouraged me to think deeply. When I was 8, I read The Mystery of Sun, which described the formation of planets. I was obsessed with the amazing universe after reading. Since then, I have continued to strengthen my understanding, not only by reading and watching BBC shows, but also by involving myself in civic activities.
Every year since I was 12, I have participated in Hong Kong Youth workers' Summit. We usually discussed local issues so as to arouse teenagers' awareness of the society. One year we discussed environmental policy and global warming. We shared different approaches to solving to the same dilemma as other countries encounter. I learned that the issue of environmental problem is worldwide. The summit has strengthened my awareness to the world. I did not realize at the time that the summit was leading me to my passion: conserving and protecting the environment.
As my interest in environment protection increased, my attention was drawn to my immediate surroundings. Hong Kong is an extremely polluted area with a humid and warm climate. The pollutants, being released by vehicles, factories and air conditioners, are trapped in this small city. In certain situations, people can observe the dust particles floating in the air. Water pollution is a serious problem too. Although there is a law prohibiting trash dumping into the harbor, practically no one follows it. On the academic side, the universities do not categorize environmental science as an individual major; they limit the interest and opportunities for students. Disappointed in the failure of the environmental education program in Hong Kong; I moved to the U.S. I believe U.S. is better focused on environmental science and allocates more resources to this course.
Leaving my hometown and starting a new life was not easy. I used to have a hard time overcoming homesickness. Nonetheless, I appreciate the people who support and encourage me to move on. Being on environmental protector is no longer idealist; now I am one step closer to my dream.
I am not sure what the ... means. I think leaving those out would be better.
"It is the most exciting family time for me"
it is my favorite family pasttime.
"When I was 8, I read The Mystery of Sun, which described the formation of planets. I was obsessed with the amazing universe after reading"
When I was eight years old, I read The Mystery of Sun, which describes the the formation of plantet. From then on, I became obsessed with the wonders of the universe.
"Disappointed in the failure of the environmental education program in Hong Kong; I moved to the U.S. I believe U.S. is better focused on environmental science and allocates more resources to this course.
I think you can make this into one sentence. Something like "Disappointed in the failure of the environmental education program in Hong Kong; I moved to the U.S. in the belief that environmental science is focused more upon its studies and provide more resources its courses."
"Being on environmental protector is no longer idealist; now I am one step closer to my dream."
I think you meant an instead of on? and instead of saying idealist, I think it would sound better with no longer an idealistic dream.
I think this is great :D It shows the fact that you care about the environment and want to make a change. It answers the prompt pretty well. Good luck!! I hope you can read mine too and give me feedbacks!
It feels like a sentence is missing from the end of the first paragraph. It seems incomplete. Can you sum up the message of the whole essay in a single sentence that put it at the end of that first paragraph?
The last paragraph should be longer, too. I see that the essay mentions a few different topics, but it has one overarching theme. Lengthen that conclusion so that it discusses the theme. That theme should also be the subject of the thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph.
Being an environmental protector is no longer just an id eal; now I am one step closer to my dream.
