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Posts by xXCandyAngelzXx
Joined: Nov 4, 2010
Last Post: Nov 14, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  


Displayed posts: 5
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xXCandyAngelzXx   
Nov 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "my dream to become a nurse" - Rutger Application Essay; a vibrant community [6]

Thank you for your criticism and advice. I am trying to apply to Rutgers- News Brunswick which i think will be harder to get into. I am gonna change my essay according to your ideas and advice. I will repost it afterwards and u can tell me what you think. Thanks again for the help! :)
xXCandyAngelzXx   
Nov 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "One patient made an impact on me" - UT: Issue of Importance to You [3]

Currently in the United States, about forty-seven million people do not have any health insurance,.It is a staggering number that keeps growing larger.

I think you should say, of all the people instead of, Of the people

who do have insurance, many have to struggle and work hard to pay higher premiums, deductibles, and co-payments. People in the United States have been unfortunately forced to pay for all of their medical bills without the help of health insurance, whichcausingcaused many to descend to poverty in order to maintain their health. Some people have even began to neglect their health because they simply cannot afford the health care that they need.

The things i put in red r things i added ^^
xXCandyAngelzXx   
Nov 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "my dream to become a nurse" - Rutger Application Essay; a vibrant community [6]

As a young member of the modern society, I have dreams and goals that motivate me. It is essential to learn everything that I can in order to achieve my goals one day and be able to serve the society and my country. Throughout the years I was in school, I worked hard towards my goal of becoming a nurse. I learned everything I could in health class, from nutrition, food, drugs and alcohol, to pregnancy and fitness. I want to be someone who would make people healthy and happy. For example, I brought my sister to my neighbors house and after thirty minutes, my sister's eyes began to swollen up, and I got nervous. There were cats in the neighbor's house so I thought maybe she was allergic to cats. I brought her home and put her on her bed and told her to relax. I put a wet towel on her eyes and she fell asleep. When she woke up, she felt much better. Rutgers would certainly help me pursue my dream, by providing me with a quality education. Not only that, but the vibrant community of people will open my eyes to things I never thought about. Also, the Rutgers community, being so diverse and vibrant, would certainly help me broaden my perspectives.

There is a wide variety of people in Rutgers that have many different backgrounds and cultures. Rutgers will be able to benefit me and let me comprehend merits of different cultures. I will be exposed to variant ideas and traditions that people have inherited or have figured out though life experiences. I lived most of my life in a small town called Highland Park. There was only a small amount of students and the diversity was limited. I grew up in a Chinese family and I have learned so much about my culture throughout my life. There is a lot more to the Chinese culture then just the holidays we celebrate, or the type of food that we eat. The Chinese culture also has to do with the lessons and values that we have. It would be exciting to be able to contribute my cultural experience to Rutgers community. As people say, "Communication is the key to success" which is very important. It means not only contributing what I know, but also listening and respecting to others speaking so I can learn from them.

Rutgers is filled with not only people that are from different cultures but people with their own experiences. Everyone have different experiences from their life, and things that they have to go through. I gained some of my experience from volunteering at Huaxia Edison Chinese School. I helped to organize the cafeteria and sold snacks and soda. It improved my people skills, and I learned a lot about what it is like to sell snacks. My other experiences are from Edison High and the things I learn there. I was part of the yearbook club. It was such an amazing experience and I learned a lot about taking really good pictures. It was also fascinating to learn how we put the yearbook together on the computer. Another club that I joined is ceramics club and I learned how to make pots, plates, and paper holders using clay. It gave me experience with using clays and I learned so much about the different things that can be made using clay and how I can be able to make those things. All those experiences that I had to go though make me who I am today. I will be able to contribute my experiences and get people in Rutgers to understand my life and the things I have learned.

Rutgers University will help me reach my dream to become a nurse. Rutgers will be an amazing experience and there are so many nursing programs so I would be able to learn a lot of the knowledge and skills needed to become a successful nurse. Not only that, but I would also be learning and contributing different cultures and experiences to make Rutgers University an even more diverse community. There are so many different people I would love to meet one day and things that I want to learn. The world has a lot to offer, and by taking risks, and doing what my heart tells me, I hope to be able to get to where I need to be. Rutgers is the college where I will obtain a lot of knowledge and experience so I can reach my goals and dreams.
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