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Posts by Brittanicoleeee
Joined: Nov 8, 2010
Last Post: Nov 24, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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Brittanicoleeee   
Nov 24, 2010
Undergraduate / Wind Chimes and Dancing - UC Prompts [4]

Thank you so very much for your advice! I really appreciate it. I will definitely correct the things you've mentioned.
Brittanicoleeee   
Nov 24, 2010
Undergraduate / Wind Chimes and Dancing - UC Prompts [4]

Hello there! It would be very much appreciated if you could give me any advice (and especially correct my grammar) on my UC prompt essays! Thank you so much in advance

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

When asked about the world I come from, I think about three things - a loving family, a competitive community, and wind chimes. As a child, the trips to my grandfather's house seemed monotonous. He lived alone in a single-story, house in South El Monte with a rundown swing set and hundreds of wind chimes that nearly encompassed the entire deck area of his backyard. I assume he loved the sound as he would pause and listen to them whenever they would chime. To me, however, they were nothing but a nuisance. Their cacophonous rhythm entirely annoyed me whenever the wind blew. This is why when my father decided to put up a few of his own wind chimes in our backyard I asked him, "Why the wind chimes?" with a short, aggravated tone. My father's response was straight to the point, "I like them."

I began to comprehend the intention of these wind chimes shortly after my grandfather died. Once he passed, his house was cleared out of all memorabilia including his chimes. My father, of course, took most of the assortment as they now reside on the perimeter of our backyard gazebo and perform the loud-sounding ring that fills our house with the typical offbeat routine. I soon realized that the wind chimes reminded my father of his hardships he encountered as a first-generation American from Mexico and of the special bond he shared with his father.

I haven't encountered as many hardships as my father has. This is fact. But in a way, the wind chimes have become a symbol for me in their own way. I have seen the way my father aches to once again bond with my grandfather and I, too, hope to someday create such bonds with not only my family, but others as well. I have realized that my aspiration of becoming a nurse is perfect for creating connections with others. Also, every time the wind chimes ring, they remind me to stay focused in school in order to prepare for my future profession. My school is particularly competitive by nature and thus requires me to keep up with these prevailing standards. The wind chimes ring and I remember to appreciate this fact. Without seeing how important a strong education is to my peers, I would not have been so influenced to push hard to achieve my goals.

I collect my own wind chimes now. Often, I am questioned about the intent of these chimes. I simply say, "Well, I like them."

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

It was the summer of 2009. I was just about ready to enter my junior year at high school and I had been practicing dance for more than five years at that time. I looked around at my dance peers, most were younger than me but our skill level in ballet dancing was about the same. The fact that most were younger than me yet we all had about the same skill level was not at all self-degrading. I realized this as I watched them go across the floor, demonstrating the current dance move that my teacher shouted out: these girls have been practicing dance since they were toddlers and I've only been in dance for five years, hey, that's pretty good! That was when my teacher called out the next move: fouetté. A fouetté is a ballet turn, performed in series, during which the dancer raises one leg and makes fast outward and inward thrusts for each revolution. It is a highly advanced move and every dancer knows - the better the fouetté, the better the dancer. Anyway, I could not do it. Every time I tried, my leg would turn out in some overly awkward way and my arms, which could have been used to propel my turn, only served one purpose - to catch my fall.

I tried and I tried, but every time my teacher called out that move and I failed miserably at it, my hope to someday turn gracefully amongst my dancer peers was crushed. One day, when my teacher called out a fouetté, my usual pessimistic response was said, "I can't do it." Then, my dance friend, suddenly aware of my personal dilemma, said one thing in particular that I will never forget, "You can't do it because you say you can't do it." Ever since then, this is a maxim that I live by. It opened up my eyes to the realization that "trying" to do something and "wanting" to do something were two entirely different sayings. If I had really wanted to perform a fouetté, I would have done so.

Determined, I spent my days practicing my fouetté turns. I fouetté'd at school in the USB room, at home in my garage, and in dance class. It became an obsession as I felt like I breathed, ate, and slept with fouettés in my mind. This determination paid off. I still remember the date in which I performed my first perfect fouetté. January 12th, 2010 became a noteworthy day in my mind where my teacher noted the excellence. "Perfect, Brittanie!" she said.

For something that might seem so trivial to others, it was one of the most significant moments in my life. I had excelled at something that I had failed at so miserably before. I applied this accomplishment to my life. It made me realize that I could control my future if I really applied myself to everything that I did. Schoolwork, SATs, tests; almost everything became reasonably easier as I realized this insight. I know that this motto that persuaded me to practice fouettés will carry me far into life - past high school and past college. As it had proved to influence me so much and provided me with confirmed excellence, I hope to share this realization with others who feel dismayed from something that they cannot do.

I am proud to say that I still attend my local dance studio and even now, I still perform my favorite ballet move, the fouetté.
Brittanicoleeee   
Nov 24, 2010
Undergraduate / "a descendant of Cyrus the Great" #1- the world you have come from [6]

Nice job! The essay takes an interesting standpoint and continues on to explain how it has influenced you. It is just a bit choppy, just add a few transition words to make the paragraphs flow from one to another.
Brittanicoleeee   
Nov 8, 2010
Undergraduate / "Interested in nursing since my nephew was born" - UCI Nursing Supplemental Essay [4]

Prompt
Please provide information regarding your goals and plans for the future as it relates to the Program in Nursing Science and the Nursing profession. Please limit statement to 200-225 words.

Nursing has always been a particular interest of mine ever since my nephew, Ashton, was born six years ago. As he was born with spina bifida and suffers heavily from epilepsy, his frequent trips to the hospital seem regular. Most often, I assist my sister in these trips to the hospital. I found my interest in nursing while on these trips because the work that entails with nursing fascinated me. The fact that the work of a nurse is different everyday due to the changing human factor of patients is what I find to be the most appealing feature about the occupation of nursing. The treatment of patients, starting IV's, and everything about nursing is exactly what I am looking for in a profession. In the future, I hope to become a registered nurse through the Irvine nursing program and work in close relations with the specialty of pediatrics or the NICU. I would love to work with children especially because through my past relations with children and by helping my nephew, I have learned great patience and motherly characteristics. I am aware that it takes a strong heart to deal with children and it is a trait of mine that is most apparent in my personality. Nursing is my passion, it is my future career, and it is what I was born to do.

This is a VERY rough version of my statement. It is exactly 225 words so hopefully I don't need to add anything. I would appreciate any help and/or criticism because I want this to be perfect!

Thank you so much in advance (:
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