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Posts by smiley001
Joined: Nov 13, 2010
Last Post: Nov 21, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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smiley001   
Nov 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "the choices that the people could have taken to avoid the disaster" - issues [5]

Confusing.
Elaborate more on the idea of how this issue (which after one read I did not identify) affects "yourself, your family, your community, or your generation."

Back on time, I could easily see in the history books the choices that the people could have taken to avoid the disaster that happened to them at that specific time, like the great depression. Related to what we kind of living, it may happens again if we do not take the right choices. Consider order of words.

after second read, I think you refer to the choices that gov't officials make and their impact society, is that correct?
smiley001   
Nov 13, 2010
Writing Feedback / Leaders that had effect on the world [5]

jordan dinar currency rate increasing continously in 1980s, thus, the poor percentage has been decreased in the jordanian community. CONF. ReWord.
[the University of Jordan]

[have]graduated

essay needs more elaboration.

Check Spelling. Proper capitalization. Needs coherence (transition words, subordinate and coordinating conjunctions will help you with that)

Good luck.
smiley001   
Nov 13, 2010
Undergraduate / "My curiosity and ideas" - Columbia University NY. What attracts you to engineering? [7]

Engineering is all about turning ideas into reality to effectively make the lives of people better.
Hmm I think engineering is about developing solutions (not always mechanical) to problems, and improve people's quality of life.

My wise saying is that, "Curiosity brings knowledge and understanding." RW Consider making it a statement/belief. Don't think it is a saying, you might say it a lot but that does not mean it is a saying...

Previously they suggested you add experience, consider addition about a time when you "[broke something apart]."

"all to make lives such as that of the cart pusher a whole lot better attracts me to engineering like a bee is attracted to colorful flowers." Cliche?

Does need more coherence, more transition statement and the like.
smiley001   
Nov 13, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Greatest Influence in My Life" - my essay about my dad [3]

Hope I help:

It is not difficult to figure out that the modern image of a father is evolving and pointing (I don't think pointing is the right word) to a more compassionate figure.

Suggest: evolving into a compassionate figure.

What was it before being compassionate? aren't our parents supposed to be compassionate, don't agree w/ statement.

Achieve what he is today

You dad is not a symbol, omit "symbolizes" replace w/ "is"

He has become an emotion or energy that I can feel inside of me always. Reword Previous, Possibly, "He is an inspiration"

scold sounds harsh. "get after me"

Some parts are redundant, add more personal experiences. Connect the traits you mention paragraph two with three and four. Paragraph two seems to be about your dads traits, like a list and three and four are the experience.

Liked the conclusion:)
smiley001   
Nov 13, 2010
Undergraduate / My experience with art and architecture. -UTAustin Admission [3]

I am applying to the architecture school at UT Austin. The following is the prompt and essay.
How is the organisation? Is it coherent?

I had to do some research on sentence variety. I read about transition, subordinate and coordinating conjunctions. They made a huge difference to the logical organisation.

Thanks for help:)

Prompt:Personal interaction with objects, images and spaces can be so powerful as to change the way one thinks about particular issues or topics. For your intended area of study (architecture), describe an experience where instruction in that area or your personal interaction with an object, image or space effected this type of change in your thinking. What did you do to act upon your new thinking and what have you done to prepare yourself for further study in this area?

DRAFT
Whenever I have the opportunity to draw, paint, or be creative; I always take initiative and like to oversight the project. Seeing my works in display or being admired partly give me a feeling of success. Architecture demands creativity and technicality. Furthermore architecture synthesized various studies, including art and science.

Whenever I have the opportunity to draw, paint, or be creative, I always take initiative and have oversight such project. Seeing my works in display or being admired give me a feeling of success. When I investigated possible career option I was searching for a career that had the creative aspect yet still had a hard technical side to it. Architecture demands creativity and technicality. Furthermore architecture synthesized various studies, including art and science. Architecture is the career I am going to pursue.

The art courses I have taken have convinced me that I will pursue a career in architecture.

I took my first art class in seventh grade. I learned about basic terminology, elements, and principles. The class was my favorite because there weren't any rules or theories; art was very personal. The creative side of me was sparked that year and it continues to burn bright today.

In my sophomore year I investigated career opportunities. My intellectual interest is wide and varied, from astronomy to biology and almost everything in between, consequentially deciding on a career to pursue was difficult. After doing some research about the major and its characteristics I discovered architecture was the choice for me. It was very dynamic and incorporated may personal interests. For instance the architect interacts and communicates with other people particularly contractors, real estate agents and lawyers. In addition, designing the building demands application of art's elements and principles. The job is very project oriented, which I like. Architecture also requires the study of different topics like the chemical composition of materials and physical properties of water runoff, to mentions a few, encompassing many areas of study.

Because I knew I wanted to study architecture, I knew I was on the right track, and I continued to take art, math, and physics courses.

During my art course, sophomore year, I developed my artistic skills even more and learned to see the world more in detail. One of my favorite parts about art class was learning about art periods. I personally liked the cubism, abstract and pop art periods. I liked the idea of experimentation that these periods characterized. My favorite work was by Salvador Dali, The Persistence of Memory, seeing the clocks melted was very unusual and radical. This period and it signature works have provided a inspiration for the work I want to create.

Art 2 AP was a whole new game; the quality of the works that needed to be produced was excellent. It definitely required a lot more work. It was a year of experimentation. I gained more confidence in my works and my skills as I developed my own art pieces.

Because I knew I wanted to pursue a career in architecture. I took the architecture course offered as part of the science-engineering program offered at my school. The most realistic hands on experience were the design challenges we had each quarter. The instructor set parameters and gave site characteristics; the students developed architectural solutions to the different situations. For part of the course we went over some important American architects like I.M. Pei, Frank Gehry, and Frank Lloyd Wright. Seeing their work marveled and inspired me. Having the opportunity to work in AutoCAD and Revit was enlightening made the experience even more realistic. I definitely had a good scope of what architecture was and I enjoyed it.

Since then I go online and access architecture websites, blogs, and news sites. The internet has provided a lot of stimulation and information. It also provides access to the architecture worlds so I can keep update on the latest new and trends.

*Currently Reading:
Analyzing Architecture- Simon Unwin
101 Things I learned in Architecture School-Mathew Frederick