Writing Feedback / ''The critical analysis of being an international manager'' - compare cultures [4]

Hello,

Where is your University located? Is it in the United States or England? If so you should really get a proofreader to help you with grammar usage and the overall flow of your essay. Your points are conveyed, however, because it seems that your English is somewhat limited, it might take a reader a second time to understand what you are trying to say. This is normal and will improve with constant feedback and practice. We will be able to help you with this essay and any others you may have.

Graduate / "Ph.D. study in machine learning area" - SOP for Computer Science Ph.D. [3]

Hello,

While reading your essay, I could only find two glaring errors. The first occurred in your first sentence where you stated "Because my long-term goal of my education life..." I'm not sure if you mean education life or your career. You should change this as it is your opening sentence and might be confusing to readers. Secondly, you state that your Undergraduate University was a top three University in Iran. I am a former admissions counselor and whenever students asserted something, I always tried to do a fact check. I fact checked your statement and in none of the 10 Iranian rankings that I checked was your University ranked in the top 3. You are better off by just simply saying a "top university" or "prestigious university." Aside for this your essay is fine. Luckily for you, in these highly technical fields, grammar is not a deciding factor, so your grammar and sentence structure in this essay will not take away from your admissions chances. Please let me know if you need more assistance with this essay.

Regards,
Essays done quickly

Undergraduate / "a secure medical environment" - Albany College of Pharmacy Essay [5]

Hello,

In your short essay you talk about volunteering in a hospital and a medical aid camp. You should explain why these experiences prompted you to seek a career as a pharmacist rather than as a Doctor. Pharm.D programs are notoriously difficult and have relatively high attrition rates. Admissions officers for these programs want to make sure that this is something that you really want to do. Talk about experiences you have had specifically withing the realm of pharmacology. We can help you with this.

Undergraduate / "to receive a doctorate in The Classics" - A person who has had an influence on you [3]

Hello,

I didn't get much from this essay. Basically all you talk about is all the people in your family who went to college. You should try to be more direct as to why he was such a great influence on you. Talk about how his exploration of romance languages evoked a passion in your somehow. This will appeal more to admissions officers and will strengthen your cause for wanting to study a particular subject.

Undergraduate / "problems in our interdependent world" - Wellesley Supplement [6]

Hello,

The general theme of your essay is ok. I feel as though you really did not establish why Wellesley. Are there specific clubs or opportunities that make Wellesley unique for intentional relations? Also, your usage of the word propelled is not the best choice of words. Propelled is moreso a word for objects and not so much non-physical acts. If you need more help with this essay please contact us.

Undergraduate / "A Little Something" -A commonapp essay [3]

Hello,

What exactly is the prompt for this essay? I feel this essay uses overly aggressive words. It reads as though you are attempting too hard to use "big" SAT words. Again, the correct place to display your vast knowledge of the English Language is on the Verbal sections of the standardized exams. Your statement of " I felt like the ground split between my feet and I could no longer remain ambivalent, and if I hesitated even a minute longer I would plummet helplessly into the fathomless abyss below, " is a very strong statement. Do you really feel that the decision your faced was really that dire? Furthermore, you opted to pay the instructor. In this day and age with the large amount of corporate corruption scandals, Universities want to stray away from students who will display any trait of unethical actions. If you want to continue with this version of your essay, I suggest that you make it more simplified and also add a section where you will explicitly talk about why you will never accept such a bribe again in your life. Please visit us if you need help revising this essay.

Undergraduate / NUS 400-word essay on a personal teamwork experience [4]

Good essay, but nowhere do you actually talk about how you overcame the problems. You simply just said we had problems and that was it. I am guessing that your major will be Business. As such you need to really talk about a specific obstacle you had and how you overcame it to work together. Adding this will make this essay more complete. Hope we can help.

Undergraduate / "How will I succeed and survive in such harsh society?" - Rutgers environment [4]

This essay is has potential. The major problem that you have with this essay is that you attack the essay from the wrong prospective. Instead of making it seem like you are a failure, you need to make Rutgers say..."yeah, he may not have the highest GPA, but we need him." Your overall gpa of 82 is not extremely low and is certainly within the range for Rutgers. Rewrite your essay and focus more on your difficulties and the actual struggles you had to overcome to get to this stage. You went through several very strong cultural shock. Structure your essays so that it seems that you have taken full advantage of opportunities you had under such pressures. We can help you with this.

Undergraduate / "the greatest things that I have gained from my new family" [3]

Great story but you need to tell the admissions team what you will bring to the college community, furthermore how this "addition" was shaped by your cultural background. Please contact us and we can help you shape this essay correctly.