'When choosing a college, you are choosing an intellectual community and a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. To this end, the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.' This response sohuld be limited to two paragraphs.
This is my Wellesley Supplement. I feel like it is really bad and fraught with grammatical errors. I would really appreciate it if people can help me and look over it! Thank you so much!
When I was seven years old, I learned that my mother studied International Relations when she was young. At that time, I didn't care much for what she studied. Little did I know that years later, I would travel thousands of miles away from home, and study at an international school. Living in Beijing, China for two years opened a door for me. I entered a room of cultural diversity that emanated from the mélange of students. The enhancement of my learning experience propelled me to look for what I was passionate about. To me, things break, get lost, stolen, become old and boring, but I will never lose the memories of exploring the beauty of diverse cultures.
The complexity and diversity of Wellesley is what propelled me to apply. I aspire and dream to study International Relations from both perspectives of social sciences and humanities. After unveiling my passion for international development, I realized that Wellesley is a school that will enable me to look deeper into the new, posing problems in our interdependent world. I am driven to see international development and hope to have more opportunities to recognize myself in others. Wellesley College will help me develop the critical and analytical skills requisite to interpret the world. Next year, I know I will be able to immerse myself in a diverse and inclusive community, thus commencing my dreams and aspirations. I am eager to look out of my local community and find our universal potential.
Hello,
The general theme of your essay is ok. I feel as though you really did not establish why Wellesley. Are there specific clubs or opportunities that make Wellesley unique for intentional relations? Also, your usage of the word propelled is not the best choice of words. Propelled is moreso a word for objects and not so much non-physical acts. If you need more help with this essay please contact us.
Thank you for the insightful advice!
The seed was sown when I found out that my mother majored in International Relations. A few years later, I traveled thousands of miles away from home, and studied at an International School. Living in Beijing, China for two years opened a door of cultural diversity. The mélange of students showed me that each country has its own character, language, food, and religion. To me, things are lost, stolen, broken, and become old, but I will never lose the memories of exploring the beauty of diverse cultures. As the seed started to germinate, I yearn to study new, posing problems in our interdependent world.
After unveiling my passion for international development, I realized that Wellesley is a school that will enable me to look deeper into the new, posing problems in our interdependent world. I aspire and dream to study International Relations from both perspectives of social sciences and humanities. Visiting the school, I learned more of the student-run organizations like Amnesty International and Campus Wise Diversity Initiative. I aspire to join these organizations because they emphasize the idea that we must engage in communities all over the world to succeed in improving life. Of all of the great cultures in our world, I hope to achieve a greater culture, rich in contrasting aspects. To me, Wellesley's organizations are merely just affiliations; they are great treasures. Both Wellesley and the organizations will grant me the precious opportunity to recognize myself in others. The complexity and diversity of Wellesley will allow me to develop the critical and analytical skills requisite to interpret the world. As I immerse myself in a diverse and inclusive community next year, I will strive to find our universal potential. The seed will continue to grow, as I allow it to be a part of my being.
is there any grammatical errors? I think i have a problem with tense.
please, is there anyone that can help me look over grammar errors? i really appreciate people being critical about my essay. thank you so much!!!
Nice job!
I suggest adding a noun here to make it a cool metaphor:
The seed of my ________ was sown when I found out that my mother majored in International Relations.
... realized that Wellesley is a school that will would enable me to look deeper into...
The complexity and diversity of Wellesley will allow enable me to develop the critical and analytical skills ...
:-)
