Undergraduate / "All I cared about was my mom" - where I come from. Is it clear? [3]

Please give me feedback on my UC prompt #1. question I have is: did I answer the prompt? how can I shorten it? and is it clear?. Whatever feedback you have is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Prompt #1-Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how has your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

As I wake from my lethargy, I hear two people arguing. Suddenly, I hear a loud crash that instantly revitalizes me and gives me the adrenaline to rush out to see what has happened. I came out too late and only saw my mom rushing out the door with tears in her eyes and my dad picking up glass pieces. I couldn't recognize the broken object and frankly I didn't care. All I cared about was my mom and where she was going or when she was coming back. I asked my dad what happened, but all he said was "You're too young to understand."

The world I was born into is easier described by what it lacks than by what it encircles. In my world, I do not have quiet loving dinners, peaceful car rides, or even a simple walk in the park, literally. Each moment I had with my parents always ended up with an explosive dispute. Almost each time the reason for their quarrels is on very insignificant matters such as: where to park the car, where to eat, which route to take, etc.

Their consistent quarrels forced me to grow-up and look after myself at an early age. The first milestone of my maturity was when I pointed out the flaws in their marriage during their bitter commotions at the dinner table. It took a lot of courage from me at the age of ten to speak my mind so loudly and freely toward my parents, but I had no choice. I knew how their clash would end, so I offered my opinion to save whatever was left of their marriage. My stance was exhilarating and the affect was paramount. Finding the courage to stand between my towering parents instantly changed me as a person. I unearthed the power of my voice and that moment was forever embedded in my mind.

I live to revive the feelings when I stood-up against my mom and dad, who I thought were untouchable. I am not trying to imply I lost respect for my parents, I mean I gained respect from them. In my dream I see myself as a pacifier who ends conflicts and problems people have. The dream was molded by my parents' constant feuds where I was able to stop problems before they would escalate. That changed me into a person who wants to resolve differences between other people. My goal is to be an arbitrator of some sort where I can satisfy the inner-child in me who hated those arguments that ended in tears.

Word Count: 429

Undergraduate / "National Student Leadership Conference" My program (prompt #2) [NEW]

Hi, my name is Chris and I was hoping for you guys to give me some insight on my personal statements. Thank you :D.

Prompt #2-Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

In disbelief, I stood-up and everyone was clapping, they were all clapping for me. As I rose I felt the cheers of everyone around me and I was so happy; I felt as if I was dreaming. Over the summer of 2010 I went to NSLC (National Student Leadership Conference). There I was elected as the most valuable team member. I knew I made a lot of friends and connections in the conference, but I never imagined that I would be chosen to represent my team. So when my name was called and everyone was cheering I felt important.

People said that one person is all it takes. Time and time again in my past I always found my contributions to a large group went unnoticed because of their insignificance. So, before going to the conference I had this impression I would just be some nobody and not really get to know anybody in those ten short days.

On the first day of the conference, I went to an auditorium and there was a speaker who enlightened me. He used a series of seriousness and jokes to pass the message that the impression we give to ourselves when we approach activities will determine how satisfying an activity will be. His speech got lodged in my mind and had me reflecting my impressions towards going to the conference and I noticed the impression I had going to NSLC was being meaningless and unworthy to the group. However, his idea of a positive conjecture really dug into my mind and I started to ask myself questions like "How could something be satisfying if I do not let it?" and I noticed the errors in my life so far. I started to see how many things in my past could have been memorable experiences. I knew regret would not get me anywhere, so I decided to follow the speaker's advice and repeat in my head, "This time I want to make a difference and meet a lot of new people."

In the brief ten days, I wanted to make connections and actually be a big part of the team. This really helped me rediscover my outgoing personality and I noticed how a simple positive thought could go a long way. I was already making friends with my roommates and also in my group. Before going to the conference I didn't think I would make a lot of friends, clearly I was wrong. In the program, I accomplished more than just making friends I became a more open person.

On the last day, we went to the auditorium again and had the same speaker talk to us. Before giving us the farewells, he gave us all a minute to sit there and reflect on our days in the program and told us the days were as fulfilling as the effort we put into the conference. I looked back and I felt proud of the contributions I made to the team and the great friendships I made. I was already gleaming from the friends I found in the program, so I was overjoyed for accepting the reward.

I made many friends in the program and I am very proud of myself. This accomplishment helped me prove my errors and rediscover a personality I lost a long time ago. When I was young, I was very outgoing and friendly, so the reward is a reminder of that person who I was and can still be. I am glad I got the award because it also gives me a physical reminder of my triumph over the mistakes I made.

Word Count: 602 (Planning to shorten about ten words)