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Posts by love13love
Joined: Nov 25, 2010
Last Post: Nov 26, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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love13love   
Nov 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "Esmeralda's situation, Mexico" - event, USC ESSAY [4]

I think you wrote this really well. The quote you added in at the end really helped your topic. I actually didn't catch any spelling or grammar mistakes here. It seems like you edited this a lot. :)

Overall, I think you wrote your essay really well. I don't really see anything you have to change... So I think you're set to go. :)

Good luck with your USC applications :)
love13love   
Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate / Shy to Confident (personal quality) [2]

UC Prompt #2 - Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Before entering high school, I remember myself as being painfully shy. I would not speak to anyone unless I was spoken to first. In elementary school, the only people I became friends with were people who approached me first. Even f I did not understand a concept in school, I would not ask the teacher and would just wait for another person to ask the question, which the majority of the time, nobody would. As I graduated junior high school and began to prepare myself for my entry into high school, I vowed to myself that somehow I would overcome this obstacle.

Once I entered high school, I realized how important interacting with others really was. Group projects were recurring, and often, teachers would assign the groups instead of letting us choose for ourselves. Interacting with anyone I was put with a group into turned out to be a vital skill and as high school is acknowledged as being an introduction to the real world, I realized that interacting with anyone was a crucial life skill that I had to obtain. Throughout high school, I was exposed to teachers and peers, who, I believe, were sent to help me through my problem. As I met more and more people, I began to get more comfortable greeting new people and forging new relationships.

When I realized that I had to be more open and confident in myself, I was able to change myself because I willed myself through it. Through this experience, I may have only changed one trait; however, I have learned a great life lesson that I will never forget. Even if I feel that change is hopeless and that it is impossible to change a fault, if I push and encourage myself through the process, there is not any obstacle I cannot overcome. Life is a running track and I'm ready to jump those hurdles in front of me.

Any help would be appreciated. There may be some grammatical errors and spelling errors in here...
love13love   
Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "My family and I experienced discrimination" - issue of importance [3]

Discrimination: unfair treatment of a person or group on the basis of prejudice. This term enormously affects our society. Even though discrimination was heavily seen in the past, it still is present in modern American society. For instance, my family and I have experienced discrimination in our lives. Sometimes it was because our race, color, or the fact that we could not speak English. However, this issue has not stopped me or my family to move forward and succeed in our lives. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is what my family and I learned from our experiences with discrimination.

My family and I started to experience discrimination once we arrived in the United States. As immigrants it was expected. The first time my family was discriminated against was when she was trying to obtain her ID. This event took place in Crockett, TX the town where my family and I live now. The lady who attended my mom and dad was very discourteous and aggressive in the way she attended my parents. She asked countless questions as if she was interrogating them of a crime. " Where do you come from?" " Where are you going to live now?" " When did you become a resident?" I clearly remember her saying to my dad, "Why are you answering my questions? Can't your wife talk?", to which he answered, "She does not speak English." The lady then replied in a degrading manner "That's what I thought." In the end, she said that she was not able to issue my mom an ID card with the excuse that my parents did not provide enough information for her identity.

My own experience of discrimination took place when I enrolled in high school in the same year. I was only seen as one more Mexican boy who did not speak English and that was trying to go to school. I can vividly remember the first days of school; walking timidly into the classrooms looking for a seat near a person of the same ethnicity, trying to hold myself back from running away from a place where I was being made fun of . I remember being called "wetback", "beaner", "illegal", and other offensive terms that I could not understand at that moment. I was discriminated. I couldn't defend myself of all those offenses. I felt like a little ant that was being threatened by human; playing with me as if I was a toy.

However, as discrimination existed around me and my family so did tolerance and fairness. My teachers and counselors were always supporting me and encouraging me to keep working on my education. They never doubted my potential to exceed in school. As for my family, our neighbors were very respectful and kind to us. They offered us their help and support in anything we needed. Despite all of the difficulties we faced, we managed to move forward and overcame our obstacles.

Discrimination can cause many obstacles that may prevent a person from succeeding . It is an issue that has not yet disappeared from our society. But working together as one union I believe that we can abate it significantly in order for our society to progress.

I fixed some of the grammar and spelling in your writing. There may be more that I haven't caught.

The topic was well presented in your writing and your arguments and examples further defined it. I think this essay is well-written, but I would advise just to read it over aloud so you can catch some of the grammatical errors you've got.
love13love   
Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "It began in New Orleans, becoming an artist." - A UC prompt response. [3]

I guess I'll start from the beginning . It began in New Orleans with my parents. I was born in a hub of heritage, culture and rich local flavor which i was fully exposed to. New Orleans is surprisingly liberal when compared to the rest of the deep south and we took advantage of it every chance we got. Wandering through the French Quarter, we'd stop to admire art on all different levels; s treet performers, mimes and galleries. Eventually, we moved to California in search of the land of milk and honey. While New Orleans was an eclectic and engaging place to live, it wasn't the best place to raise children. Most of my memories begin in Sunol. My formative years were spent in this rural, hillside community. Despite being situated in the middle of the bustling East Bay, Sunol only has 1300 residents and one school. Named Sunol Glen, the school offered one class for each grade. With only 200 students and 60 within my age demographic, cliques were far less prevalent than larger schools in the area. R eadymade identity. I was given the freedom to develop interests without influence from excessive peer pressure. Sunol acted as one large family, with community camping trips, there was no room for overwhelming social mores. Everyone was accepted as they were, judgments were held back whenever possible. Those years in Sunol taught me a few things about myself. Living in this safe environment I was able to explore my introspective and precocious nature. Feeling out of place with childhood antics and humor, I gravitated to books as a source of knowledge and entertainment. Reading was incredibly influential for me. Chuck Palahniuk, Irvine Welsh, George Orwell and Kurt Vohengut overflowed from my bookshelf. Constantly being exposed to different ideas through reading taught me virtues. Tales of hardship and oppression showed me empathy, Fight Club showed me enlightenment. Reading provided an outlet to explore, an answer to any question. The world was at my fingertips. We traveled often, so i had plenty of time to feed my voracious appetite for literature. Traveling was a common thing though we never went to disneyland. We ventured into the city and nature. we went camping in national parks, canoeing through white water rapids and flying to distant lands. (too generic need more specifics) We made trips to museums, trekking through them intrigued by Duchamp's and Basquiat's. Admiring freud, bacon and kippenberger. Duchamp showed me change, Basquiat provided insight into my own life. Regularly being exposed to different forms of expression led to an accepting and observing outlook on life; conflicting ideals weren't a call to arms but a call to ears. I discovered art through all of these things. It was an outlet that allowed me to express raging emotions without having to defend or declare them. Through this tolerant environment I was able to see beauty in everything. My early experiences provided stimulation, exposure and growth and I attempt to recreate that now. My parents always encouraged the pursuit of happiness. Even if my passion didn't lead to money, success or material possessions, it was more important to live a life worth living.

Well, I caught some of your grammar and spelling mistakes. I know you're probably going to edit it so I don't think correcting those mistakes would be a large contribution.

Honestly, I think the ending is kind of weak. I think it can be edited to be more engaging. But, overall, your essay is written very nicely. It flows very well and is very descriptive. I think it exemplifies what the colleges want.

Good luck with your applications! :)
love13love   
Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate / My Parents' Love - UC/ Describe the world you come from [NEW]

UC Essay Prompt #1 - Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I don't really know how well I wrote this. Any helpful comments most appreciated :)

As far as I can remember, I have always had two supportive parents who provide everything I need; two younger brothers that do not permit loneliness within my life, and a grandmother who has never let me go a day without food. I have always lived comfortably and never had to worry about trying to find a better life elsewhere. However, for my parents, this was not the case. Both of my parents immigrated to America from South Korea and worked hard to conform into American society, a feat that proved to be rather difficult. Being the oldest of three first generation Americans in my family, I have realized that I should not take my parents' hard work for granted. Although we may not have the most extravagant lifestyle, my parents have always provided for my brothers and I; everything we have ever needed, my parents made sure we received it. This love has given me motivation to help others by showing them love as well.

In the future, I want to help people and make their lives, if not great, just a little brighter. It may come in the form of helping a loved one through an illness or giving them love when their circumstances have left them unable to receive it. I want to be able to say that I made a difference in somebody's life, no matter what country or age or economic status they have.

After I have completed my university experience, I want to travel the world and visit developing countries, and meanwhile try to understand how I can exact change for the world, for those left disadvantaged by their familial and economic circumstances. After I tour the world, I want to return here, to Southern California, and study medicine so I may provide relief to the people and places I visited. I have been given love since my birth, I believe it is time I spread that love to others.
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