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Posts by niricabiri
Joined: Dec 5, 2010
Last Post: Dec 11, 2010
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Posts: 7  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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niricabiri   
Dec 11, 2010
Undergraduate / "This freedom to choose whatever I want" Why Brown Supplement [4]

Hey,
Just a few things:
One question I have always found hard to answer is "What subjects do you find interesting?" because apparently "everything" is not an acceptable response.

It's very good. The first line isn't too bad, but I see what you mean, it reads a bit awkwardly.
Here are some suggestions:
-I've never been able to answer the question "What are you interested in?" because apparently the answer, "everything" is not an acceptable response.

I don't know if that makes it sound better or not...
-As I scroll down the "interests" menu on my application I am conflicted between A B and C. It's had to chose only three subjects when I'm interested in everything!

Play around with it a little bit until you find something you really like.

I hope this helped!
niricabiri   
Dec 11, 2010
Undergraduate / "To major in something that fits me perfectly" - Why does Brown appeal to you? [3]

On the first day of school, Teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. We answered: ballerina, fireman, vet, astronaut. In high school, Teacher asked us again: doctor, architect, lawyer, analyst. As I apply to college , I find myself faced with the same question again, and although many of my peers already know, the truth is, I never really knew how to answer. As a young girl, I answered Scientist and as a teenager, Journalist. Now that I find myself at liberty to choose, I find that it is a choice I do not want to make. I view the entry to adult life as the start of a process of narrowing; every choice I make will see a thousand other options vanish,the paths I may walk will dwindle into one small road. The next time they will ask me The Question, I will ask them something instead: Why must I choose? Why can't I study what I'm interested in? Why can't I major in something that fits me perfectly, rather than fitting myself into the options that are given to me? This is the reason that I want to study at Brown. I want the freedom not to have to choose until I am ready.

Hey this is really good. But, I agree with the GiantHead, maybe talk about Brown a little bit more. But, I like that it shows that your are ambitious, and you are curious, and you want to explore. Good luck :]
niricabiri   
Dec 7, 2010
Undergraduate / I couldn't believe that someone could actually live in- event that shaped who you are [2]

I entered the old house, empty handed, with nothing except my courage. I climbed up the white tiled stairs and felt the rusted stair well beneath my hands. I couldn't believe that someone could actually live in these conditions ; no air conditioner, no television, no source of entertainment. I was offered a seat on an aged couch and began to listen as she spoke. She never looked at us while she talked, but she kept her eyes on the floor most of the time, almost as if she was ashamed of herself. But it was me who was the one that should have had my face down and eyes staring at the floor. I was the one who should have felt ashamed.

This story started when who is we? visited unfortunate people as a community service project. I just wanted to get this project over with so I could get a couple of community service hours. I visited a couple of houses, yet the story of this women and her daughter was the one that engraved my heart forever. "Our situation just does not allow it", she said to us when we questioned her intentions on allowing her daughter to continue studying. That same sentence ran through my head a thousand times until I finally remembered from where I heard it before. This same sentence was said by my parents a few months ago. I couldn't understand it, why would they be so heartless to not allow me to finish studying abroad. I remembered begging them to let me go; crying my heart out, but they kept saying that same sentence. I never fully understood it until I met this woman. I never got to meet her daughter but I know that each person in the room could feel the pain in her eyes as she spoke. The daughter recently went through spinal surgery and was ordered to take a few weeks off school. But she wouldn't do it, she wouldn't miss her final exams, and despite all she went through, she opened the book and started to study. She eventually passed high school, but it was that sentence that prevented her from continuing her studies. At that moment my eyes sunk to the floor and my head suddenly felt heavier that I had no choice but to lower it. I felt so ashamed and so shallow. But after I left the house, the girl made me raise my head back to the sky and ready to face it all. She was my inspiration and she showed me one of the most important lessons I could learn, that despite all the hardships one can face, one can find his dream and follow it, and any obstacle is temporary, that anyone, even someone with a spinal injury can jump way up high over these obstacles and reach their final destination. I entered the house empty handed, but left with more than just memories.
niricabiri   
Dec 7, 2010
Writing Feedback / Living in a big city has various advantages for people [4]

Living in a big city has various advantages for people of every generation.
An advantage for teenagers who live in a larger city is that they (take out for instance)have several possibilities to entertain themselves either alone, or with their friends during the week.

For example if a teenager lives in a populated city and wants to go out at night,
the next bar or club is mostly less than than 30 minutes away.

(Take out "But") living in a big city does not only have advantages for teenagers, there are also several benefits for elderly people.

Because a lot of senior citizens do not attempt to drive anymore, they have issues grocery shopping if there is no grocery store close to their homes . In a big city there is at least one store close to every home which has all the supplies you need for a living.

Senior citizens can either take a bus, drive with a street car or otherwise take a cab which will be at one's
home in less than 10 minutes.

First of all, the cultural opportunities are enourmous. For example, the world' s famous
musicians are always touring to the most populated cities in the world which leaves their
citizens to enjoy their favourite artists in a live concert.

Another cultural benefit is all the different restaurants which offer food from all over the world.
People can enjoy food from a country that they never have been too and do not even
need to leave the house because manyrestaurants serve their food to the people's home.

In conclusion, living in a city has several adavantages for people of every generation.
It makes life (take out "more") easier for the senior population and gives teenagers plenty of options to amuse themselves.
niricabiri   
Dec 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "A Safari to Last a Life Time" - Evaluate a significant experience [4]

I like it! Just a few things:

"When I reflect on this journey, it reveals to me what really matters in life: ..."
Maybe change it to: "As I reflect on this journey, I realize what really matters in life:..."
Or: "As I reflected on my journey, I realized what really mattered life..."

"Everyone held his breath..."
Change to: "Everyone held their breath"

I really like how you connected your experience in the safari with life and how you will take on college, I think that's very good.
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