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Posts by vcmk
Joined: Dec 16, 2010
Last Post: Dec 18, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Venezuela

Displayed posts: 5
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vcmk   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / Chemistry, math, playing the piano - common app [5]

I like the essay, but i believe that you should try and make it a little longer. I have been told that a common app essay should be over 500 words.

At the end of the 4th paragraph I think you can incorporate the last sentence a little more subtlety.
vcmk   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / First day at new school/country: what makes you unique and colorful..william and mary [9]

I think it is great. The only thing I would comment on is the paragraph where you say you are a cricket player and then talk about badminton and tennis. I believe you should consider starting the paragraph saying you are a Tennis player because you had to adapt into a new sport that combined 2 sports you used to play and excelled in. Something along those lines.
vcmk   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "my little sister, Nayori" - a person who has had influence on you [4]

The country I live in has made me a socially conscious person, for it has deprived me from things that I would normally have access to in other parts of the world. The lack of resources Venezuela provides its people with, has taught me to help those who are less privileged than me. As a result from this benevolence, I decided to spend a summer collaborating with people in a country that is known to be underdeveloped. Five weeks in Africa doing community service, and living with a local family in a rural village enriched this attitude I already had, and further increased my awareness about the problems our world now faces. Since the day I arrived, I found myself attached to a girl who I would soon embrace as my little sister, Nayori. Meeting her has been one of the most fulfilling experiences life has given me. It changed my perspective of life, and it highly influenced my personality, making me grow as a person and as a citizen of this world.

Nayori is the happiest person I have ever met; regardless of the fact that she is HIV positive. She was only eight years old when her parents died of AIDS, only eight years old when she became an orphan. Nobody in the village wanted to take her in, and despite her age, she was aware of that. Nevertheless, she soon found a home with my host mother, who took her in as if she were her own child. Two years later, I walked into her life, letting her know that she wasn't alone, even though it was hard for me to imagine being in a position similar to hers. She was so young and so innocent, and despite the fact that she had gone through so much she was still very cheerful. She knew she had AIDS, but this didn't stop her from living her life to the fullest. Most people would not bother living their life in the condition Nayori was in, but this girl was brave enough to do so. The fact that we spoke different languages did not impede the creation of a very powerful connection between us, which later on had a massive effect on me.

Words cannot explain how Nayori has inspired me to be a more positive person, and to look at the world in a different way. Even though she is younger than me, I can say that I look up to her in many aspects. This little girl proved to be HIV positive since the day she was born, and still, having to experience such unfortunate events, at such a young age, didn't encumber her from keeping an optimistic attitude nor from being grateful for the life she had. Never did I imagine that doing what I did this summer would cause such an impact on my life; however, I am happy that this event reached out to me in the way it did. Many may think that experiencing something new for such a short period of time wouldn't make a difference, but I stand assured and allow myself to say that living in such a primitive environment taught me values I wouldn't have been able to get hold off in my society. Meeting Nayori influenced me in many ways, and so I shall always be grateful to her, for she has left a mark on me... a mark that will never fade away.
vcmk   
Dec 16, 2010
Undergraduate / Tufts "let your life speak" essay; "raised in a bubble" [3]

I don't know if this is quite ready so if someone could read it and give me some tips i'd really appreciate it.

There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.

I was raised in a bubble. Not the type you make with soap or gum, but the type in which people live in a parallel world. A world where nothing can go wrong, a world where there are no problems. My world is not part of the reality that most of the people in my country live every day of their lives in. I am part of a society that is very diverse, and this has offered me the opportunity to become a socially conscious person. Living in Venezuela has opened my eyes to a reality I never could have imagined existed when I lived in the US. Moving back to my home country was difficult for me because I couldn't understand what I saw on the streets. It seemed to me like the whole city could fall apart in a matter of seconds. As I grew a little older started to picture the life I could have had if I would have been born into a different family. Luckily, I have had the possibility to travel, but returning home gets more depressing every time. Despite the fact that many years have gone by most things remain the same or are getting worse. It is sad to see that people are living on the streets and hardly anybody does something about it. The amount of people working for the well being of the country is small, and it is reducing every day. My family has always encouraged me to fight for what I believe in, and that is what I am determined to do. In a matter of time, my country's situation will be my generation's responsibility, and I want to be a part of fixing what I consider to be wrong and very unfair.
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