Chemistry, math, playing the piano - common app

I enjoy deciphering patterns, neatly packing things into their own formula. Chemistry, full of its mysterious symbols and chemical formulas suddenly makes sense when I discovered hydrogen oxide, water is H2O. Facing a Latin translation appears daunting, yet thankfully every word has a meaning and can nearly be translated word for word. Math too comes as naturally, with its certain rules for every function. Then even English, typically devoid of any formulas, can even come with its own strict five-paragraph essay format.

When I started playing the piano, I followed the same approach formulaic approach. I mistakenly thought that if followed the notes on the sheet exactly, then my playing should, logically, sound excellent. Determinedly, I learned all the notes to Beethoven's Fur Elise. My fingers hit the right notes, at the right time, and I thought I had surely reached perfection.

That is, until I heard my piano teacher playing. Where her fingers gracefully danced over the keys, pulling each one to life, my fingers had mechanically pressed the keys. I had read the music like a computer program, forgetting the actual dynamics behind the piece. I had treated each key identically, forgetting to lighten my touch on some of them. There is no formula to create the melodies. It takes practice and experimentation to imagine how the music should be interpreted.

I struggled to accept that even tilting my wrist a certain way gave the notes a slightly more lilting jolt or that emphasizing certain notes really makes a difference. Finding the perfect sound behind a musical piece becomes a journey into the unknown. Beethoven gave me the sheet music to play the music, but he did not give me the emotions behind each of the notes. Playing the piano reminded me to not depend completely on a formula and to make my own discoveries. Now when I play I don't just read, I imagine. Sometimes I see a heartbroken man, weeping over an unrequited love.

It felt freeing the first time I tossed the music aside and let my fingers play from memory. The notes floated hauntingly in the air, as though that heartbroken man sat beside me on the piano bench, wailing his life's story. I know I wasn't playing the song perfectly, but I loved every moment of it. That's life for you- drop the written page and you will create something new, even if it doesn't exactly work out. Perfection is unreasonable and so are patterns. I like patterns, but life isn't about patterns. It's about sewing new patterns into an old quilt.

I like the essay, but i believe that you should try and make it a little longer. I have been told that a common app essay should be over 500 words.

At the end of the 4th paragraph I think you can incorporate the last sentence a little more subtlety.

I enjoy deciphering patterns, neatly packing things into their own formula. "Chemistry full of its mysterious symbols and chemical formulas, suddenly makes sense when I discovered (did you discover hydrogen oxide) hydrogen oxide, water is H2O. Facing a Latin translation appears daunting, (how) yet thankfully every word has a meaning and can nearly be translated word for word; math too comes as naturally with its certain rules for every function; English typically devoid of any formulas (I think English has formula. What about Sub + Verb+ complement. Or the rule adjectives come before nouns.) , but it still comes with its own strict five-paragraph essay format."(I will rewrite or at least revise this entire section)

When I started learning the piano, I applied the same approach, the formulaic(I don't like the word "formulaic" see if you can replace it with another word) . I mistakenly (or naively) thought that if I followed the notes on the sheet (unnecessary words where else the notes can be), then my playing should sound excellent. Determinedly , I was so determined with my approach and learned all the notes to Beethoven's Fur Elise; my fingers hit the right notes at the right time and I thought I had surely mastered the piano. It wasn't until I heard my piano teacher's playing (add the feeling you felt when she played the piano. What did you feel?) . Her fingers gracefully danced over the keys and pulled each one naturally to a life, whereas my fingers like a robot machine mechanically pressed the keys. I read music like a computer program and forget the actual dynamics behind it. I treated each key identically and forgot to lighten my touch on some of them. There is no formula creating a good melody (are you sure? I am not an expert, but am just asking). It takes practice, practice and practice . and experimentation to imagine how the music should be interpreted .

I struggled(have learnt)to accept that even tilting my wrist in a certain way gave (give) the notes a slightly more lilting jolt or that emphasizing certain notes more than the others really makes a difference. Finding the perfect sound behind a musical piece becomes a journey into the unknown (I am not sure what do you mean). Beethoven gave me the sheet music(music sheet) to play the music, but he did not give me(not) the emotions behind each of the notes. Playing the piano reminded (Remind or taught) me to not to depend completely on a formula, and but let my imagination to make its own discoveries . Now when I play, I don't just read the notes and punched the keyboards. But I try to put emotion to my play and I visualize a story to complement my notes. It felt (feels) freeing the first time I tossed the music aside and let my fingers play from memory. The notes floated hauntingly in the air, as though that heartbroken man sat beside me on the piano bench, wailing his life's story. I know I wasn't playing the song perfectly, but I loved every moment of it. That's life for you- drop the written page and you will create something new, even if it doesn't exactly work out. Perfection is unreasonable and so are patterns. I like patterns, but life isn't about patterns. It's about sewing new patterns into an old quilt.

I am not an expert, but I hope comments help. My advice is just read each sentence and take a pause that is what you want to say. Study each word and make sure that is what you mean.

I would like a moderator to delete this thread...I joined this site under the idea that people would contribute freely, but now I see that is not the case. When I discovered I had to pay $8 to delete this thread, I feel I was not warned. You advertise this as a site that sounds like everyone is helping each other out of the goodness of their hearts, when in reality you are making money off this. And sorry above poster, but you additions do not add anything to my essay- many of your additions in fact break English rules of grammar.

Please delete this thread. Thank you. If nothing else, this is a warning to other people who are as trusting as me, who don't fully look into a site first.

Yes, that's right. Everyone should look at the TOS of an online community in which they are going to participate. In this particular community, you contribute by letting your essay become a focal point for discourse that will benefit many people now and in the future. That means you retract your own contribution by deleting the thread. If you want to do that, you can contribute eight dollars, or whatever the established fee is. But this is not a case where anyone is trying to deceive anyone. Very rarely, we have a person like you who fails to read the tos and then blames us. Most people like this site a lot! :-)

When you do something like this, you need a pair of commas, not just one:
Chemistry, full of its mysterious symbols and chemical formulas suddenly, makes ...
(I added a comma.) Also, you should change is to was in order to have consistent verb tense for a nice style.

Then even English, typically devoid of any formulas, can even come with its own strict five-paragraph essay format. ---This sentence, the last sentence of the first paragraph, leaves the reader thinking about an essay rather than about the concept behind the essay. I wish the essay had a thesis statement in that introduction so that the reader could easily wrap her mind around the concept you are trying to share.

At the end, you conclude with a statement that needs a little word: "I like patterns, but life isn't about patterns. It's about sewing new patterns into..."--It is not good to say that life is not about patterns, and that it is about sewing new patterns...because that means it is about patterns! It is better to say, "Life is not about studying old patterns. It's about sewing new..."