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Posts by Mixta666
Joined: Dec 19, 2010
Last Post: Dec 31, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 11  

From: Kenya

Displayed posts: 13
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Mixta666   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Intellectual Vitality - Stanford (benefits of right brain/left brain learning) [3]

Very interesting, though I think you could focus more on the 'intellectual side' of it..how are you investigating the issue, what have you done? I feel like you just mentioned the problem, explained it, then at the very end said you wanted to investigate it. You could do much better, I know because it is an excellent idea.

I would love it, if you checked out mine as well, for Stanford and UPenn
All the best!!
Mixta666   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / UVA Supp. - "Focused and Lost" [3]

What's the question?like the essay, well thought and planned out
Why is college going to be the biggest puzzle of your life?
Victorious! I had proceeded to the finals

help m in return->UPENN SUPPLEMENT-WHAT YOU WANT TO EXPLORE-COMMENTS!!!
Mixta666   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "You are born to be a roommate of a weirdo" - Stanford Roommate [6]

Hmm,
I personally like the letter, but if I was your room mate, I think I'd be scared.
You are welcome to join, but don't speak?
You can remove the 'I am a night owl'. The 'Most likely it will be me etc, answers it already. But then again, you say 'don't think it's a burglar, then say 'most likely it's you' meaning there is a likelihood it could be someone else, then how can your room mate not worry?

But it's honest.. genuine, all the best.
Mixta666   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / fact versus fiction - Stanford. [3]

Did you go? What steps are you taking to make the possibility come true?
I agree with the above person about explaining more.
Good job though
Mixta666   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "I offend people with my honesty and weird questions" -Stanford, a letter to roommate [4]

Interesting/weird letter, I would certainly be shocked if I got it :)
At the beginning you say that you have been waiting for so long to be in an environment filled with intellectual conversation as well as open minded peers.

Why? Is it that where you were, there were no such people? And what do you exactly mean by intellectual conversation? Does that mean you want to discuss world issues with your roomate or what? I think you'd be surprised that people are just..normal.

Also you say that you are known to flush away people's anger and sadness, but at the end, warn that your character traits of being sometimes brutally honest can actually cause anger or sadness to the extent that you can get someone to want to slap you...I see a contradiction of sorts..

Sorry for the criticism, just want to help..
Comment on my threads as well if you can, am just about to post Stanfords.
Mixta666   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / UPenn - "What do you see yourself exploring?" Supplemental Essay [6]

I like it, seems you've researched it well enough. I only have an issue with the second paragraph, where you keep repeating the word 'concentrations' a bit of variety, perhaps a synonym would improve the flavor of the text. Also may be you should talk about what specific study abroad programs are of interest to you and why. It seems like you just added that last sentence 'The opportunities of studying abroad etc' was like a by the way and should be scrapped off, unless you delve deeper into it, which I recommend. Also, perhaps you should try making the second paragraph a bit shorter, I feel like there is repetition, so as to match the length of other paragraphs which makes it more appealing..

Thank you for your comments, I just updated my essay, if you would take a look, I would very much appreciate that.
I wish you all the best, and a happy new years eve.
Mixta666   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Growing up" - Computer Science UPENN SUPPLEMENT-WHAT YOU WANT TO EXPLORE [4]

Thank you, and your welcome..
Yes it did feel like that when I was writing it...I just wasn't sure how I could make a boring question into an interesting answer. Working on it though, will post it.

Glad I could help:)
And thank you for the criticism
Mixta666   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Growing up" - Computer Science UPENN SUPPLEMENT-WHAT YOU WANT TO EXPLORE [4]

Considering both the specific undergraduate program to which you are applying and the wider Penn community, what academic, research and/or extracurricular activities do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

GROWING UP

Growing up, is like leaving a part of you that you once overestimated and starting a new chapter that even with your wildest dreams of success , is still an underestimation. A new world is born, a world possibly not realized until the decision to move is made; until one decides to walk to the edge of the cliff, jump and descend trusting that the wings will grow on their own. The University of Pennsylvania appears as such to me-a platform to grow.

I am leaning towards Computer science as my major. The Engineering Entrepreneurship course is of great interest to me, seeing as I one day plan to own a software company and believe the business skills would be essential, alongside my engineering skills.

Aside from that, the Rachleff Scholars program will give me the opportunity to learn from estimable research experiences, participate in scholarly community activities, and learn from my peers who share a passion in Engineering, as I do.

The Penn Research in Embedded Computing and Integrated Systems Engineering appeals to me as well: large scale projects, joint R&D activities with industry groups, and a senior design project I would work on, it all seems too good to be true!

I would also apply for the service learning study abroad opportunity. Penn Engineers without borders, appeals to me for its mission that works to enable sustainable development while enlightening and assisting the world as a community.

The summer opportunities abroad such as the International Summer programs offered caught my eye as well. I wish to study in Europe at one point during my stay at Penn, following my desire to finish learning the German language, therefore discovering the possibility excited me.

I would like to join sports like rowing or fencing that I did not have the opportunity of learning as I grew up. I would also like to join one of the nine Greek sororities at Penn, Model United Nations, the Big Brother Big Sister Mentorship program, the society of Women engineers, dance and yoga fitness programs, and so many more...

There is literally so much to choose from; I honestly get a bit dizzy pin pointing specific activities I would like to join, recognizing that my decision may change due to the fact that I may find another activity, program, or research opportunity that makes a better match with me, but for now and all I know about Upenn, this is my list.

There are so many ways for me to improve my abilities and contribute to the enhancement of the community I may soon call home. At this point, I am like a sculpture that is still being molded. I have not even begun to reach the person I know I can become, but I do know this university will shape me, to be an influential leader of society. It will bear a new world in me, a world I have surely not yet known of. Of one thing I am certain, the University of Pennsylvania, is where I want to grow.

Tell me what you think,
Mixta666   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "the vivid gardens and foliage of Ethiopia" significant experience, its impact on you [6]

I like the essay, yes perhaps a tad bit too wordy, but to shorten it, avoid repeating yourself. You have mentioned twice that you want to help Ethiopia.

The last two paragraphs can be combined, as they both serve the purpose of explaining what you have done and what you wish to do.

At the end of your first paragraph you write' I was in Ethiopia. suppose. ' and just leave it there.
You can also reduce the amount of descriptions that you have. I understand the importance of vivid description in an essay to really capture the reader, but you can leave out some things.

You also say in your second paragraph, during your walk that you couldn't fathom how anybody could fix it, 'IT' I am taking to be the terrible state of Ethiopia and then proceed to draft out plans showing that you had a strong desire to fix it. This shows a contradiction of sorts.

Otherwise, well written out, well thought, I liked it :)
Comment on mine as well if you can,
Mixta666   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Looking at my transcripts..." - Yale supplement [8]

I like your essay, well thought out. I can't help but feel though, that the ending is a bit sudden and could use a bit more polishing up. When you say that opposite sides of the see saw have their flaws etc, I think you should explain what you mean by that and not just end there.

Also, is your determination springing from the fact that you are a foreigner, and does that seem to imply that non-foreigners do not go through as many challenges and are somehow naive?

Think about what you are suggesting.
Great job though,
Mixta666   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / 'So, tell me about this company you want to start,' - achievement/experience/risk [5]

Tell me what you think :-)
All comments appreciated, positive criticism mostly

AUGUST THE THIRTIETH

Seneca once said that it is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult. Of all experiences to write about, I chose this one because I think it shows most appropriately the beginning of what I hope will be a wonderful story of my life; chapter one of a great book; August the thirtieth.

I sat in the reception of the office trying to read the newspaper that I was holding, so excited that I could only see words that I could not make sense of. I smiled to myself, proud that I had brought myself there on my own accord and hoped that greater things would come out of it, or be inspired by it.

'So, tell me about this company you want to start,' he asked handing me a glass of fruit juice. I explained, pointing out its mission, its objectives, what I hope for it and most importantly why I needed his help and why he should give it to me. I told him of my dreams and hoped he would believe in them as much as I did.

He promised his help, and offered me a place in his company's internship program, which as I recalled was reserved for the students who topped the country in the national examination results. They got the chance to meet leaders from all over the world, speak to the youth and learn entrepreneurship skills, to mention a few, plus I'd be able to market my company and perhaps meet my future business partners!

After thanking him, I left with an inner glow. I had just spoken to the Chief Executive Officer of Equity Bank, Dr. James Mwangi, who headed one of the biggest banks in Africa and had literally brought it from nothing into an award winning bank. I had booked an appointment with him to discuss my plans for the future, most importantly the company I wanted to start, 'CNL'.

This experience marked the start of change that I always knew had to begin with me. I decided that day that I would live my life not afraid to take the risks necessary to make what I want happen. The world is made up of people who either watch things happen, talk about things that happen or make things happen. I suppose by now you can guess which group I would like to be classified in.

Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the belief that something else is more important. I try to live courageously, but it's not always easy to look rejection, failure and possible humiliation in the face and say "I'm going to beat you!' without a hint of doubt; but the point is that we get up every day and try again, and again and again. If we all lived like this, I believe we would be able to uplift ourselves, our lives and through the ripple effect, the world.

As for the company and how it's doing so far? I guess you'll have to meet me to find that one out, perhaps the thirtieth of any month? I tend to have a thing for that number these days.
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