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Posts by qwerty456a
Joined: Dec 28, 2010
Last Post: Dec 31, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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qwerty456a   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "A Letter to Mr. Chu." - Common App Essay [7]

What's the/a 4th wall? Can you suggest where I should add things to make it sound like I've become a better person. I want to keep the You...So, I format because it makes it easier for me to write. Stylistic and creative/emotional writing isn't my forte. I need some sort of organization.

A Letter to Mr. Chu.

Dear Mr Chu.
You always read me a bedtime story. So, I fell asleep in a warm bed dreaming about being Cinderella at the ball.
You spoke in a caring voice to me. So, I remember that voice soothing me and lulling me to a sense of safety whenever I was scared.

You vowed that you'd be there for me and the family. So, I felt glad, knowing that you needed us.
You selflessly gave up your drinking habits for my well being. So, I promised I would never drink because I didn't' want to disappoint you.

You smiled and said "Great Job!" whenever I accomplished something. So, I grew up to be a confident and outgoing person because you made me appreciate my talents when no one else would.

You said you cared about my future and my education. So, I felt proud that you would take such painstaking measures to save for my education and for my dreams.

You always gave me a hug or pat on the head whenever I saw you. So, I knew you loved me and that I was your precious daughter.

You were the best father anyone could ever have.

No.

You were the father I wished I could have.
You only came home once a week. So, I read my own bedtime stories and fell asleep with Cinderella, Goldilocks, and Humpty Dumpty keeping me company.

You argued with Mom and yelling seemed like all you can do in front of me. So, I promised to never put anyone I loved through that and learned to control my voice and actions for the better of others.

You always ranted about how you would leave us and return to Taiwan. So, I made sure that I'll become someone who can support Mom because she sacrificed for me, cherished me and showed me that she needed me unlike you.

You would come home with the stench of alcohol on you muttering obscenities. So, I vowed to myself that I would never make a fool out of myself like you did. I swore to live a clean life with no alcohol.

You could only criticize and blame me when something went wrong. So, I grew up to be shy and cold, afraid to be hurt by others. But, thanks to my great friends, my caring family and my own determination, my cold stature is slowly fading away.

You said you didn't care or love us. So, I ignored your hateful words because I knew that although you didn't care about me, that my family, friends and someone out there in the future loved me.

This was the father you were. I remember each tear I cried, each heartache I had, and each harsh criticism I had to accept.

Finally, I remember when you poured every dollar into your niece's education but not one penny into your own daughter's. So, I studied, worked hours towards my education, fought to be at the top of class to show you just how great of a daughter I can be. Mr. Chu, Dad, while you were never he father I wished for, there is one thing you have done for me that I'll always be thankful for. You made me stronger and more independent. And I'll prove it to you by writing this essay, getting into college and graduate a successful and educated individual.
qwerty456a   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "A Letter to Mr. Chu." - Common App Essay [7]

Topic - Any topic of your choice (It's a letter instead of an essay so I chose this one)
A Letter to Mr. Chu.
Dear Mr Chu.
You always read me a bedtime story. So, I fell asleep in a warm bed dreaming about being Cinderella at the ball.
You spoke in a caring voice to me. So, I remember that voice soothing me and lulling me to a sense of safety whenever I was scared.

You vowed that you'd be there for me and the family. So, I felt glad, knowing that you needed us.
You selflessly gave up your drinking habits for my well being. So, I promised I would never drink because I didn't' want to disappoint you.

You smiled and said "Great Job!" whenever I accomplished something. So, I grew up to be a confident and outgoing person because you made me appreciate my talents when no one else would.

You said you cared about my future and my education. So, I felt proud that you would take such painstaking measures to save for my education and for my dreams.

You always gave me a hug or pat on the head whenever I saw you. So, I knew you loved me and that I was your precious daughter.

You were the best father anyone could ever have.
No.
You were the father I wished I could have.
You only came home once a week. So, I read my own bedtime stories and fell asleep with Cinderella, Goldilocks, and Humpty Dumpty keeping me company.

You argued with Mom and yelling seemed like all you can do in front of me. So, I promised to never put anyone I loved through that and learned to control my voice and actions for the better of others.

You always ranted about how you would leave us and return to Taiwan. So, I made sure that I'll become someone who can support Mom because she sacrificed for me, cherished me and showed me that she needed me unlike you.

You would come home with the stench of alcohol on you muttering obscenities. So, I vowed to myself that I would never make a fool out of myself like you did. I swore to live a clean life, no drugs, alcohol, crimes, and rudeness for me.

You could only criticize and blame me when something went wrong. So, I grew up to be shy and cold, afraid to be hurt by others. But, thanks to my great friends, my caring family and my own determination, my cold stature is slowly fading away.

You said you wished my brother and I were never born, that you didn't care about us. So, I ignored your hateful words because I knew that although you didn't care about me, that my family, friends and someone out there in the future loved me.

This was the father you were and this is the father you are trying to be. But it's much too late now. I shun your attempts to be nice, kind and caring because I've already seen what type of person you are. I remember each tear I cried, each heartache I had, and each harsh criticism I had to accept.

Finally, I remember when you would pour every dollar into your niece's education but not one penny into your own daughter's. So, I studied, worked hours towards my education, fought to be at the top of class to show you just how great of a daughter I can be. Mr. Chu, Dad, while you were never he father I wished for, there is one thing you have done for me that I'll never regret. You made me stronger and more independent. And I'll prove it to you by writing this essay, getting into college and graduate a successful and educated individual.

Here's the final draft. Are there any grammar errors? What do you think about the overall essay.
qwerty456a   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "A Letter to Mr. Chu." - Common App Essay [7]

This is the first half of my essay. So far is it okay. I feel like it lacks description but it's sort of hard to describe a situation you've never been in.

Dear Mr Chu.
You always read me a bedtime story. So, I fell asleep in a warm bed dreaming about being Cinderella at the ball.
You spoke in a caring voice to me. So, I remember that voice soothing me and lulling me to a sense of safety whenever I was scared.

You vowed that you'd be there for me. So, I was glad that you'd be there to support and care for me in the future.

You selflessly gave up your drinking habits for my well being. So, I promised I would never drink because I didn't' want to disappoint you.

You smiled and said "Great Job!" whenever accomplished something. So, I grew up to be a confident and outgoing person because I you made me appreciate my talents when no one else would.

You said you cared about my future and my education. So, I felt proud that you would take such painstaking measures to save for my education and for my dreams.

You always gave me a hug or pat on the head whenever I saw you. So, I knew you loved me and that I was your precious daughter.

You were the best father anyone could ever have.
No.
You were the father I wished I could have.
qwerty456a   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Chinese/Taiwanese are very different" - Rice Perspective Essay [9]

The essay about writing about how to find the real China is a bit too difficult for me. I don't see how that topic would be able to show what "perspective" I'm able to bring to Rice. Also, my writing skills are pretty much nonexistent. More often than not, I need a model to base my writing off of. So, writing something from the soul/heart its extremely difficult for me. Do you think you could tell me what I should do to not make it that sound like I don't like Cantonese (I do like them) and that I'm doing it for the essay? Or can you help me modify the topic so it can be easier for me to write about?
qwerty456a   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Chinese/Taiwanese are very different" - Rice Perspective Essay [9]

I changed the first paragraph. (Just for the record I did attempt to speak in Cantonese, I just failed miserably, so I'm not lying). I also added the first body paragraph of my essay (Not quite finished). The comparisons between Southern China/ Cantonese and Taiwan will take place in the 2nd one, which I haven't made. But, so far is the grammar correct, is it interesting and does it show the specific cultural elements of Southern China? I'm a bit concerned as to how the introduction fit into the whole essay. Does it make sense/go with the flow or should I scrap it?

"Can you repeat that again?" This was the third salesperson who had uttered that aggravating phrase again, in Cantonese. "Sure," I smiled meekly as I repeated my question slowly to him in my broken Cantonese. Shopping in Guangzhou had so far been a pain. It seemed I was the only person who couldn't speak Cantonese in that packed mall.

You see, despite having a mother from Guangzhou, I couldn't speak a single word of Cantonese. Instead, I took after my Taiwanese father and spoke in Mandarin. Although I often identify myself as Chinese, as an individual I'm not. Instead...
qwerty456a   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "to work in a church" - community service essay [5]

On September 21th 2008, I immigrated to the United States. After three days, I started my education in John Dewey High school. For the first two months, I could not intergrate the new circumstance because of the language obstacles and cultural differences .So I knew I have to improve my communication skills and obtain social experiences beside school materials.

- at John Dewy HS
- Word Choice, I'd suggest using "adjust to the new environment"
- Awkward Sentence, try rewording it. "So I knew ,that in addition to working on my education, I would have to improve my communication skills and expand my social circle"
qwerty456a   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Chinese/Taiwanese are very different" - Rice Perspective Essay [9]

I want to show that I can embrace different cultures by using the fact that I'm able to adapt to the different cultures from China and Taiwan. I don't know whether or not I can come up with any other examples that I can expand on for 2-3 pages. I'm naturally a horrible writer and essays are my mortal enemy.
qwerty456a   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "Chinese/Taiwanese are very different" - Rice Perspective Essay [9]

This is the first paragraph of the essay I have so far. The perspective I want to show is my ability adapt to different cultures. I want to show that by writing about the differences between Chinese and Taiwanese culture and how they influence my life. But, I have a serious case of writer's block. Can you help me develop it a bit more. Or at least give me an idea of what the heck I'm supposed to write about?

Prompt: The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice?

I'm not the next Albert Einstein. I'm not the next Van Gough. I don't have Ella Fitzgerald's amazing voice. I'm not a genius of a century, not an actress that would make Death weep, and I'm not an Olympic gold medalist. I'm not a spectacular superstar. I guess you could say I'm normal

I have two parents and one younger brother. I have messy shoulder length black hair and big brown eyes. I go to, in my personal opinion, one of the greatest schools, Bronx High School of Science. I take my schoolwork seriously, perhaps too seriously but I still want to achieve more. I fight with my brother over every little thing from who gets the last dumpling to "Why can't you go outside yourself?" I snack a lot like every teen does but its generally Chinese snacks which always has people asking "What's that?" I'm painfully shy and will do anything to avoid speaking in public. I talk to my mother about her past in China and what it was like to live during Communist China. I enjoy eating her great Cantonese dishes, tong sui and turnip cakes. I love my normal life for its balance, its peacefulness and its simplicity. At times I wish I my life could be like a Einstein's, Monroe's, Da Vinci's or even Shakespeare's. But I'm a normal high school girl, well not quite.

I'm able type at 54 wpm. I can sing Kim Ah Joong's "Byul" slightly off key. I'm in love with Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory and currently claim the title as his #1 fan. I can say hello and goodbye in 10 different languages with a horrible accent. I lost to a guy in basketball by one point (I could've won but he was much taller than I). I cooked only ten times in my entire life and have burned the kitchen 8 times and smashed 25 plates in the process. I survived public elementary school, middle school, and will probably get out of high school barely alive. I'm a fruit fanatic and eat everything from apples to guavas about 6 times a day. I'm half Taiwanese and half Cantonese and no one can ever tell. I've been to four countries in my entire lifetime but seventy in my dreams. I was only one of the few to get above a 90 on my US History term paper, which was a miracle considering my writing skills. I'm a part time procrastinator. I've been compared to Zhang ZiYi, but I'm pretty sure that was just to fish for compliments. But, I'm still not a genius of the century. My GPA is ~93 and mental math is impossible for me. I'm still not an actress that can make Death weep. I've tried acting once in front of a large crowd and almost passed out. I'm still not an Olympic Gold Medalist. I can't touch my toes for the love of my life. And I'm still not the next Lincoln, Monroe, Einstein, Teresa or Van Gogh. I'm still not a superstar. I'm still what most would consider ordinary.

Rice is ranked #17 in the US, is a Southern Ivy and is very prestigious. The students who attend Rice are former class presidents, valedictorians, great athletes, the next Einstien, Shakespeare, Teresa and President of the US. They are superstars, the norm, whereas ordinary is abnormal. The perspective that I can bring to Rice is a feeling of inspiration and hope that an ordinary person can be at Rice and do just as well as the superstar students. People will always find themselves longing for something familiar and down to earth, like me. I can prove to others that you don't have to stress yourself out to be at the top to go to Rice, just be yourself. I don't think being ordinary is as bad as society make it to be. I still stand out, just not as much. I have my personal quirks and my mini accomplishments, but I'm still ordinary. I've chosen to live a simple life so far and I don't regret it. But, I do have the rest of my life ahead of me to become more than just ordinary. And perhaps if I ever graduate from Rice, I might just be one of those superstars.
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