anaraserikbek92
Dec 29, 2010
Writing Feedback / Student, not teachers or administrators, should be in control of their own education [4]
Hi,
I think you have just one point to support your thesis.
TOEFL essays are preferred to have at least two supporting paragraphs.
And something else, you don't want to start with a question and continue with a straight answer. Even though it is a one way to start, it'd be better to make a hook or at least say something like this: Since education plays a very important role in one's life, teachers, not students, should make a decision regarding his education, because they know their students better and are more experienced in educational sphere. And after this sentence, you can make two paragraphs: 1) about how they know us better as in your first supporting paragraph;
2) about how they are more experienced; in terms of what they are more experienced than we are.
And by the way, I've taken TOEFL too. And here is some help for the writing based on a reading+listening:
P 1
The lecturer holds a very different point of view from the paragraph which states....
P2
First, the lecturer argues that... But on the other hand, the paragraph demonstrates that....
P3
Second, the lecturer also disagrees with ... On the contrary, the reading passage gives an opposite view that...
P4
Finally, regarding the.... the lecturer throws some light on how to deal with... This is indirect contradiction with the claim in the reading passage that....
Hope it helps, good luck)))
Write if you need any help
Hi,
I think you have just one point to support your thesis.
TOEFL essays are preferred to have at least two supporting paragraphs.
And something else, you don't want to start with a question and continue with a straight answer. Even though it is a one way to start, it'd be better to make a hook or at least say something like this: Since education plays a very important role in one's life, teachers, not students, should make a decision regarding his education, because they know their students better and are more experienced in educational sphere. And after this sentence, you can make two paragraphs: 1) about how they know us better as in your first supporting paragraph;
2) about how they are more experienced; in terms of what they are more experienced than we are.
And by the way, I've taken TOEFL too. And here is some help for the writing based on a reading+listening:
P 1
The lecturer holds a very different point of view from the paragraph which states....
P2
First, the lecturer argues that... But on the other hand, the paragraph demonstrates that....
P3
Second, the lecturer also disagrees with ... On the contrary, the reading passage gives an opposite view that...
P4
Finally, regarding the.... the lecturer throws some light on how to deal with... This is indirect contradiction with the claim in the reading passage that....
Hope it helps, good luck)))
Write if you need any help