Undergraduate / "Speaking is living." - Binghamton essay for common app. [4]

I just need to know if this essay is good or not and if there are anyways I can improve on it. Topic of your choice. I described an event in my school and how it affected others.

What am I going to say? Deciding what word to choose for speaking allows me to grasp the possible as well as help me better explain the impossible. This helps to make both a reality. The inevitable becomes my fear when I speak because my thoughts have been translated into something that exists. The core of my personality is now tangible. The silence of wonder is broken when I speak.

As I travel through the cauldron of my memories, I notice that I'm undergoing a constant revolution within myself, so that I can be the difference. The emotions I experience are a clinging to my dynamic speaking each day.

A new essence of myself was shaped at a typical student government meeting two years ago. This was a time in which everybody sat around and proposed ideas that were hardly ever fulfilled. I hadn't slept much two days before. However, when the wintry breeze grazed my face and became a part of me for a second, I realized that the past for me was now gone. My speaking skills were now a thing of the future. With a burning insertion of vehemence I said, "We are now at the crosshairs of a new era. You can choose to stay the same or to change into a governing body that does what it says. The lies of the past can be erased. (I hit my hand against the wall) It is you who must decide for the betterment of Yonkers High."

Mostly everybody in the room was heartless for a moment. The atmosphere hadn't settled, but then the student government members all agreed. From that point forward the insignificant became significant because we began to help the students and listen to them. I was now perceived as someone who took a definitive stance as a leader.

Now when I inhale at the end of each thought, I forge through my upbringings into a place within me that is self changed. My interpretation is ignited by my inception of reason. My speaking is a depiction not of what I am physically but, of what I believe. Speaking is the conveying of the realism in my mind. Every movement of my hand when I speak is a trail of my emotions. My hand may rise or fall, but be certain that it will never be level because there is no balance too one side of me.

When all is over, I stand and look back. I understand from my action, more or less is due to my change. In this way it became the new way of life. It was new way of life, not only for myself, but also for the enlightenment of others. Several of the leaders in Student government were unable to stand still for a moment longer. Slowly they began to step down for they could no longer hide behind the lies of their actions. Though very few stood firm with faces of uncertainty, there was a feeling of hope for it was time for the start of something new. The eyes of the students, teachers, and leaders of Yonkers High School were now open. They could see now just how much the school could flourish and it did. The school surged forward and that is what speaking is. Speaking is living. It is yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Speaking is making the everyday a new day and a better day for all

Undergraduate / "a community orientated outlook" - Yale short answer [7]

I need to know if I answered the prompt and if there is any grammatical mistakes. Also, is it good or bad.
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? Please limit your response to the space provided.
Many Yalies have a community orientated outlook because of the Residential College system. This would not only allow me to create bonds that would last a life time but also to have the exchange of ideas and to share work with my fellow classmates. If I were a Yalie, I would strengthen my dreams through the endless educational opportunities, and through the rugged individualism of others in the Yale community, so that I may continue my pursuit of eternal experiences to become a better person.

Undergraduate / "My first memory to now." - Harvard and Yale Supplement [NEW]

I described a different side of me in this essay. I need some feedback. If there is any grammatical errors can you please point them out.

My first memory to now

We all travel on a freeway called life. Whether it's smooth going or has traffic we always make it. From the first step we take to the very words that are printed on this page. The drops of memory are always imprinted in me no matter what. They may be imaginary or mental images but they are always there. This always follows us through Elementary, Middle and High School, never to stop until Graduation.

"Elementary school" or "Emotions are forged here and they stay with us forever"
The first day of school I said to mommy "I don't want to go to school, I don't want to". I began to run until I reached the flagpole. I tied my book bag around it and held on very tight. Eventually, the security guards had to pull me off. Stubbornness was part of me for the next 6 years, until Graduation. When I realized that I would never see most of my friends again. The first fathom of my self-reflection was laid.

"Middle School" or "A place that I don't want to go back to"
It was the 7th grade; everyone was being bullied until that frightful day. This day should be in the shackles of the memory, but it must come out now. The last day of school before summer began; the bully was shaking kids down for money again. I was extremely frightened. To escape that monstrous brut, I climbed up onto the top of the lockers and hid from him. As he walked by, my breath grew colder. The silence was dawned as a requirement. The hinges on the door began to screech. It was at that moment that I lost my grip and I fell on him. The bully was unharmed but soon the roar of the inner him broke loose. Everyone was laughing at him. I ran as fast as I could. I tried to get to the bus but I was caught five feet away from it. The tormentor said "don't embarrass me again." He then punched me with the fury of a thousand Muhammad Ali's. I had a black eye for two weeks. It was only a temporary scar for the integrity I gained.

"High School" or "The times where everything changed"
School work was now a part of me. I could not let go of it. I was a typical nerd. I was always reading and studying. Then I found writing in the fall of my senior year. Writing was the seeing of the future for me. No matter what the parameters were, freedom was at the whisk of my pen movement. Expression was my juggling of words in my mind, to make the unimaginable, conceivable. Each word now meant something, so that I could piece together the unsolvable puzzle. Once the words were set down on a page, this much was certain. I now know that this new way of thinking is within me and that I hope that one day, it may play out all over again.

Undergraduate / "Living the everyday" - Common app essay [12]

Topic of your choice. I just described how speaking is me and an event that went with it. I need some feedback on it.

Living the everyday

I search through the abyss that makes up my mind. I am always wondering why the unexpected is the imaginary. The silence of wonder is broken when I speak. Speaking allows me to grasp the possible as well as help me better explain the impossible, so that I can make both a reality. The inevitable becomes my fear when I speak because my thoughts have been translated into something that exists. Somehow, someway I am speaking the words that are written through a way in which I understand what insinuates the core of my personality.

As I travel through the cauldron of my memories, I noticed that I'm undergoing a constant revolution within myself, so that I can be the difference. The emotions I experience are a clinging to my dynamic speaking each day.

A new essence of me was shaped at a typical student government meeting two years ago in which everybody sits around and proposes ideas that are never enacted. I hadn't slept much two days before. However, when the wintry breeze grazed my face and became...