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Posts by 122910a
Joined: Dec 29, 2010
Last Post: Dec 30, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 8  


Displayed posts: 9
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122910a   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "I knew that I belonged" - Why Brown? [10]

*belonged here

*something only true scholars desire
i would remove this sentence. it seems like you're trying to please the adcoms.

overall, i like the essay! to make it stronger, make it more personal. show, not tell :)
122910a   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / Things that are extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self. [8]

great essay but i feel like certain parts are rather cliche.

Miraculously, I managed to obtain all A's in the class and receive a 5 on the AP test. However, those achievements paled in comparison to the introspective and self-accepting nature I've gained.

this sentence especially seems forced. a lot of the essays i've read so far seem to struggle with this a little but i feel like a lot of things are phrased in a way to impress adcoms. i like the concept of your essay, but i would fine-tune some of the sentences :)
122910a   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "The agricultural leadership" - STANFORD-intellectual vitality-beef production [9]

i like the concept of the essay, but i feel like some parts are cliche. i like the message you're trying to send with the conclusion, but maybe reword it?

and the part about current events, once again i understand your intention but it sounds a little forced, like you're trying to impress the adcoms. just my two cents :)
122910a   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / Economics and public policy (China's One Child Policy) - supplement essay [10]

there is no topic. it's a supplement essay. please be as critical as possible. i promise i won't be offended :)

I have noticed that cars in the right lane tend to move at a steady and even pace. New lanes may be added in the middle, but the right lane is the one constant path that remains the same regardless of nearby conditions. Economics is the same way. It strictly relies on math and logistics. Just as economies cannot operate outside the production possibilities curve, so too China cannot support unrestricted population growth. From an economic perspective, China's One Child Policy is absolutely necessary.

However, economics is insufficient in explaining why I will never be able to have any siblings. It cannot provide my parents another child if I became disabled from an accident. It also cannot guarantee me that someone will spoon pureed vegetables into my mom's mouth or that someone will help my dad put on his flannel shirt at night when he becomes unable to do so by himself in twenty years. Economics simply does not account for this.

On the other hand, public policy tries to accommodate these factors. However, it is essentially a left lane trying to merge right; if no spaces are available or if no cars are willing to let it in, it simply cannot force itself onto the right lane. Eventually, the broken infrastructure can no longer be hidden. Although the One Child Policy has mitigated the food and land burden, it will soon sever all ties in China except for parent-child and grandparent-grandchild. A single child will then become responsible for supporting not only two parents but also four grandparents. Furthermore, with an inadequate social security system, the problem is only worsened. Although public policy may try to correct these problems, economic restraints often prevent any real change.

I have realized that economics and public policy do not form that neat perpendicular intersection found in a driver's ed handbook. Rather, the situation is more like a merge sign, warning the two intersecting lanes.
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