Posts by bordumb

bordumb

May 6, 2012

Essays / Starting an essay about why you will be chosen for the summer program [4]

I would certainly focus on any language skills you might have and how you can utilize them in the program. Even if you don't have language skills, addressing the importance of learning a new language and appreciating another culture always sounds good.

Best of luck!

bordumb

Jan 9, 2011

Undergraduate / "By majoring in biomedical engineering..." - USC> Short answer essay. [5]

Since my childhood, I have enjoyed challenging myself and using creativeness. I am zealous about math, science, research and discoveries. I enjoy facts, numbers and equations. Engineering will allow me to use and develop the knowledge required for all of them. My father, an electrical engineer, and my mother, a doctor, were the first ones who inspired me to pursue a major in biomedical engineering. I have gotten na taste of most subjects at school, starting from the arts to law and math. The most appealing to me have been math and biology. I liked gathering leaves and making abstracts from them in autumn; my brother and I used to construct nests for birds when we lived in a village. All my childhood passed close to nature and its beauties. To become an accomplished engineer and change or modify what nature gives us, we need to love and understand its features, rules and benefits. It is one of the abilities I possess and plan to improve all my life. By majoring in biomedical engineering, I can deepen my understanding and appreciation of nature while learning how to work with it to improve the lives of people.

I plan to participate in research of artificial body parts with faculty members; to use all opportunities, such as freshman seminar programs, community-service programs that are offered at USC.

I'm assuming your parents are smarter than most people on this website. I'm just going to be honest since you need to turn it in tomorrow: have your parents REALLY read over it and try and rewrite the second-half and reorganize the structure. A lot of times, you will start to randomly talk about bird nests and all of that, but it sort of comes out of the blue. I know there are word limits, but maybe try to make it flow better.

bordumb

Jan 9, 2011

Undergraduate / Volunteering at the Library-Common Apps Extracurricular [6]

No flaws from what I can see and I need to try and write one this good now!
Good stuff.

bordumb

Jan 9, 2011

Undergraduate / fascinated by computers, to use my creative and imaginative thinking [7]

I enjoy a very good teacher-student relationship with my computer teacher and he was the first one to push me to pursue that field.

phrased like "it is he..." are kind of fluffy and sound like Yoda, so they'd good to avoid.
Other than that, it sounds pretty good. I did some programming in college, wasn't my thing, but to each his own and good luck with everything.

bordumb

Jan 9, 2011

Undergraduate / "Interests in all things foreign/different" - Stanford Essay - Roommate [3]

Actually, the Japanese bit is so deep, I actually turned it into my "what intellectual vitality do you have?" answer.

I'm a transfer student and on my summers off from school I traveled to Japan and applied to universities there (and got accepted, but it's uber-expensive, can't transfer credits, etc...didn't end up going). So, I figured I'd save some more info for the other question. But yeah, I guess I could add more even for the roommate bit.

The whole Japanese/International part is such a big part for me to the point that I don't feel it's bad to use it multiple times.

But what do you think?

bordumb

Jan 9, 2011

Undergraduate / "Interests in all things foreign/different" - Stanford Essay - Roommate [3]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (1800 characters)

Hello Future Roommate,

My name's Brian Seamus Deely.
Before you ask how to read my middle name, I will tell you it goes something like "Shay-mus". It's kind of like the John Smith of Irish names. I tend to think middle names are pretty useless since we never use them, but in my case it reminds me where my family came from...at least when I'm filling forms out at the DMV.

First off, I'll just get the serious stuff out of the way. I think part of living with other people is about respecting each other and taking an interest in the well-being of those around us. So whether my music's too loud or we need to both do an emergency bathroom cleanup before a girlfriend comes over or anything more serious, all we need to do is keep the lines of communication open and I'm sure most anything can be taken care of.

And now I'll get to the nitty-gritty of who I am.
I am very talkative. Not the annoying kind of talkative where I talk about anything, but the kind of talkative that connects dots between seemingly unconnected things and where no angle isn't looked at. A lot of times I might seem to be veering off in a completely different direction in a conversation, but I assure you I will take you for a ride and it'll all end safely somewhere close to where we started...kind of like a roller-coaster :)

Another thing that you'll notice about me is that unless I really must use English, I will probably be doing everything else possible in Japanese. Over the past few years I've been working on sort of adopting Japanese. I guess you could call it my "foster-language." I don't expect you to adopt it along with me, but I hope that you can share some of the same interests I have in all things foreign/different.

Have a safe trip to campus.

Sincerely,
Brian

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Basically, does this show enough personality?
I didn't show too many real examples, but should I try to show some? Especially with the whole connecting the dots/talkative bit.