Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5

"By majoring in biomedical engineering..." - USC> Short answer essay.


anuarbek95 7 / 17  
Jan 9, 2011   #1
The prompt: Describe your academic interests and how you will pursue them in USC.

I know it's quite late to post it, but my deadline is tomorrow, January 10.
I would really appreciate any help regarding grammar and ideas.
Thank you in advance

I have enjoyed challenging myself and using creativeness since my childhood. I am zealous about math, science, research and discoveries. I like facts, numbers and equations. Engineering will allow me to use and develop the knowledge required for all of them. My father, an electrical engineer, and my mother, a doctor, were the first ones who inspired me to pursue a major in biomedical engineering. Engineering is to create, modify and alter objects, their components and...
bordumb 1 / 5  
Jan 9, 2011   #2
Since my childhood, I have enjoyed challenging myself and using creativeness. I am zealous about math, science, research and discoveries. I enjoy facts, numbers and equations. Engineering will allow me to use and develop the knowledge required for all of them. My father, an electrical engineer, and my mother, a doctor, were the first ones who inspired me to pursue a major in biomedical engineering. I have gotten na taste of most subjects at school, starting from the arts to law and math. The most appealing to me have been math and biology. I liked gathering leaves and making abstracts from them in autumn; my brother and I used to construct nests for birds when we lived in a village. All my childhood passed close to nature and its beauties. To become an accomplished engineer and change or modify what nature gives us, we need to love and understand its features, rules and benefits. It is one of the abilities I possess and plan to improve all my life. By majoring in biomedical engineering, I can deepen my understanding and appreciation of nature while learning how to work with it to improve the lives of people.

I plan to participate in research of artificial body parts with faculty members; to use all opportunities, such as freshman seminar programs, community-service programs that are offered at USC.

I'm assuming your parents are smarter than most people on this website. I'm just going to be honest since you need to turn it in tomorrow: have your parents REALLY read over it and try and rewrite the second-half and reorganize the structure. A lot of times, you will start to randomly talk about bird nests and all of that, but it sort of comes out of the blue. I know there are word limits, but maybe try to make it flow better.
Some one 3 / 7  
Jan 9, 2011   #3
Very nice!

This is a well written essay except I feel this sentence is a bit out of place:

Engineering is to create, modify and alter objects, their components and their interactions with each other.

The prompt is ask u to describe you interest, but this sentence is bit of repeat and serves as more of a definition. It also does not add to the flow of the passage, since the sentence immediately after does not support it in any way. You should change it so that the topics flowing from a part to another.

But that's my opinion, and I am not english expert. Ask your parents, They seem to be pretty smart.

Can u check my essay? my need to be more like urs
MoonCl0ud 3 / 9  
Jan 10, 2011   #4
I have enjoyed challenging myself and using creativenesscreativity since my childhood; first, it was making decorations for class and creating birds' nests, and then it transferred to solving math problems, arguing with a teacher to prove my point, and combining, recombining an old Soviet- period- times' phone. I can't imagine myself without solving some math problems; every right solution gives theme a feeling of satisfaction and every wrong approach to a problem, which leads to the wrong answer,makes me more interested in the indecisive probleminspires more interest in the problem . MakingFrom perforiming labsworks in the club of young naturalists, volunteering to teach math to kids, to attending additional computer courses, I ...

Besides, California is a place of the best universities for biological sciences ...

Awesome! I like that you have so much passion for your interests :] I changed a few things, overall, maybe mention another specific USC program. You answered the prompt thoroughly, I think that's all I have to say.

Help me w/ editing my usc essay plz?
OP anuarbek95 7 / 17  
Jan 10, 2011   #5
This one is the third draft:

I have enjoyed challenging myself and using creativity since my childhood. Everything started from making decorations for class and creating birds' nests, then it shifted to combining, recombining an old Soviet-period-times' phone, explaining geometry to my brother, and arguing with a math teacher to prove my point at school. I was in a team which represented my school in regional math olympics. Even though we didn't win the competition, a month spent in the math school named "Gifted child" has improved my critical thinking and analyzing abilities, prepared me to the future high school exams and United National Testing, which I passed successfully. From those days of I can't imagine myself without solving some math problems; every right solution gives me a feeling of satisfaction and every wrong approach to a problem, inspires more interest in the problem. I like facts. I like numbers and discoveries. Engineering will allow me to use and develop knowledge of all of them. My father, an electrical engineer, and my mother, a doctor, are the first ones who have inspired me to pursue a major in biomedical engineering. The scope of biomedical engineering, applying the knowledge of constructing technology to understanding the complex living things, is limitless. Achieving a particular level of knowledge, I would like to be in a research team for improving construction and usage of artificial human body parts. The Summer Research Program in China is also appealing to me. Mainly, I want to double major in biomedical & genetic engineering, because I see that in twenty years, bioengineering will alter its importance from "a new field" to "one of the most demanded spheres" in Kazakhstan. Besides, California is a place of the best universities for biological sciences & technology professions, and I believe there will be many opportunities to broaden my knowledge and practice my skills in medical centers, companies and other places in order to gain experience to establish a fantastic career by possessing both - doing what I love and improving lives of others.


Home / Undergraduate / "By majoring in biomedical engineering..." - USC> Short answer essay.