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Posts by katelynsimmet
Joined: Jan 11, 2011
Last Post: Jan 12, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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katelynsimmet   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / School, my father, junior college, a rounded school - Help with Essay Topic A for UT [5]

"To some, they might say that UT is not as good of a school as I believe.The reason I give to those people is to look atmy father, Amzy Hibler. My dad graduated from UT with a Masters Degree which has well prepared him for his career and is now a CFO for Chevron. I would like to do the same as my dad did, graduate from UT [as my dad did.] to [I believe UT will] prepare me for not only my career, but [it will] also [help me grow as a person] grasp every aspect in life that I possibly can. [I would love to go out into the world] and represent The University of Texas."

Doesn't really sound right. Try "I would like to shed some light on those who don't believe the University of Texas is a fantastic school."

"My father, Amzy Hibler, graduated from UT with a Master's Degree in [ ]. The education he received from UT prepared him well for....Chevron" Spell out CFO.

I don't think you need to list your classes, they can see those on your transcript. Tell them how classes at junior college as affected your education and how you've grown as a person.
katelynsimmet   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / Underwater Elephants (UNC admission essay) [NEW]

6. Tell us about a recent dream. What do you think it meant?
This is my second and final essay for UNC. I want this to be great so any and all comments and suggestions are so very appreciated! I will return the favor (:

This dream was one of the most vivid dreams I have ever had. I remember more from this dream than any other dream I've ever had. It took place in India. I was living there with my mother and father. We were there because my father was studying the magnificent underwater elephants that lived in the great river. I cannot remember the name of this enormous river but it was similar to the Nile River. It was a large river that ran through the entirety of India. In places it was surrounded by tropical forests, full of exotic plants. In other places it was surrounded by grasslands, like those of the African savannahs.

My father looked like Professor Porter from the Disney animated movie Tarzan, one of my favorite childhood movies. In Tarzan, Professor Porter went to Africa to study gorillas. My father had come to India to study the underwater elephants. The underwater elephants were of similar stature to the gorillas of Tarzan and wild dolphins. They were not seen often and the majesty of them could take your breath away. I had seen them while on a boat with my dad a few times. They were in the shallower waters. A herd of them passed by the boat, walking slowly and gracefully along the bottom. We always followed them until they traveled into the deeper water where they could no longer be seen from the surface. This dream, as with many others, fascinated me because I had an entire history, a whole slew of memories from that dream life that I could recall.

The pressing matter of this dream, the problem, was that the underwater elephants were migrating north. My father's life's work was the elephants. In the dream, when I found out that he was following them I felt an immediate sense of panic and fear. The river to the north was vicious. The waters were dangerously rough and the storms were legendary. I knew that the chances of the dad returning safely were slight. The terror tore me to pieces. The emotions were so fierce and vivid yet I find it difficult to articulate how exactly I felt. I remember my chest aching, tears soaking my face, and wishing I could just wake up as I watched my dad sail off.

When I finally woke up, I shook the dream from my head and got up to make sure all was right in the house. My mom, dad, and sister were all accounted for, asleep in their beds. I believe three things fueled this crazy dream. The first of these is my sheer awe of nature. All my life I have been admiring and attempting to capture the beauty that I see in nature. I find peace watching the sun rise over the Atlantic, deer prance across my street, or the leaves change colors in autumn. My desire for adventure made itself apparent in dream as well. In the dream, I lived in India so my father could study a rare exotic animal. I have always wanted to live in another country, to go on a safari in Africa, and go swimming with dolphins. The third had the most impact on my dream: the passionate love and worry I have for my loved ones. I love my family and best friends fiercely and I want to protect them from any kind of hurt. These three things culminated together to create a truly memorable dream.
katelynsimmet   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / School, my father, junior college, a rounded school - Help with Essay Topic A for UT [5]

those are good. do you have a minimum that you need to do? because putting too much into an essay can make it seem scattered and like you were just scrambling for filler topics.

for each topic: explain what it is, how its affected you, and how you think itll help you get into UT
colleges like to hear what, specifically, about their school interests you. what would you do there? how would they benefit from having you as a student? would you play a sport, apply for the honors program, run for student government?

if you elaborate on these topics, you should have a nice essay.
let me know if you want more help!
katelynsimmet   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / A person of impact - My conductor [8]

"However, during my childhood and teenage years, I have always hated music. Whether it was the piano or the flute, I never truly enjoy playing."

because you said "during my childhood and teenage years" i feel like you should make it "i had always" and "enjoyed". it flows better that way.

"With the simple advice, the band regains focus and begins to harmonize."
The could be changed to "his" or "this".

Only turn "bellow" into "bellowed" if you are going to the make the rest of the paragraph past tense.

i think changing the first two paragraphs to past tense will make it flow better. it shows it as a part of your past that you've learned something from. because it happened, you are a different musician.

thanks for your comments on my crafts essay! i'll be posting a dream essay tonight (hopefully). i'd love to hear your thoughts on that one!
katelynsimmet   
Jan 11, 2011
Undergraduate / Crafts From My Inner World (applying to UNC) [3]

I'm applying to UNC. Could anyone look this over for me? I want it to be great. I'd really appreciate it!

1. People find many ways to express their inner world. Some write novels; others paint, perform, or debate; still others design elegant solutions to complex mathematical problems. How do you express your inner world, and how does the world around you respond? Reading, people, passion

Patience never comes as easily as when I am working on a craft. The impatience that usually creeps up on me while doing a long, tedious task doesn't dare rear its ugly head. The world around me is not as loud. I take up residence in my own head. The excitement to see the finished project fuels me. I work quickly through the steps, through the motions. The design comes first. A design needs to capture a person's attention; details need to emphasize the focal point. Contrast of some kind needs to exist within the design to add to its appeal. Different mediums, such as clay, weaving, and mosaics, allow for different textures and techniques. More than one technique should be used to enhance detail which adds complexity and further appeal. Lastly, I choose my colors. There are so many to choose from, so many different schemes. I want the perfect combinations, the perfect shades. I breathe a sigh of relief when I have found what I see in my head. I've found with each craft that I struggle to create what I see in my mind. However, I've found with each completed craft, I feel an enormous sense of pride and accomplishment.

This sense of pride and accomplishment is bolstered by the reactions of my family, peers, and even strangers. A friend says the fade of colors in a sunset encompassed by a cardboard mosaic is fantastic while my mother marvels at the sea foam green goblet made to look like an elephant. I just hope that they see beauty in what came from my inner world.
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