Crafts From My Inner World (applying to UNC)

I'm applying to UNC. Could anyone look this over for me? I want it to be great. I'd really appreciate it!

1. People find many ways to express their inner world. Some write novels; others paint, perform, or debate; still others design elegant solutions to complex mathematical problems. How do you express your inner world, and how does the world around you respond? Reading, people, passion

Patience never comes as easily as when I am working on a craft. The impatience that usually creeps up on me while doing a long, tedious task doesn't dare rear its ugly head. The world around me is not as loud. I take up residence in my own head. The excitement to see the finished project fuels me. I work quickly through the steps, through the motions. The design comes first. A design needs to capture a person's attention; details need to emphasize the focal point. Contrast of some kind needs to exist within the design to add to its appeal. Different mediums, such as clay, weaving, and mosaics, allow for different textures and techniques. More than one technique should be used to enhance detail which adds complexity and further appeal. Lastly, I choose my colors. There are so many to choose from, so many different schemes. I want the perfect combinations, the perfect shades. I breathe a sigh of relief when I have found what I see in my head. I've found with each craft that I struggle to create what I see in my mind. However, I've found with each completed craft, I feel an enormous sense of pride and accomplishment.

This sense of pride and accomplishment is bolstered by the reactions of my family, peers, and even strangers. A friend says the fade of colors in a sunset encompassed by a cardboard mosaic is fantastic while my mother marvels at the sea foam green goblet made to look like an elephant. I just hope that they see beauty in what came from my inner world.

I had to read this a couple of times. Although I know what you mean, I suggest that you rephrase the sentence so it can have better flow like:

When I am working on a craft, patience comes.

Something like that! :D


Personally, I'd like to see an example of this. Just add a short sentence about how "xxx techniques" produce this "yyy result." Remember the rule "show, don't tell"?


Not really sure what you're trying to say here.

Overall, your essay is really awesome. It has a very serene mood which effectively portray the patience and concentration that you have while doing a craft. The sentences are short and to the point, but not choppy. No major grammar or syntax error.

Good luck :D

Have time? Look at mine and return the favor! Thanks

Thanks so much for your thoughts!