Graduate / 'helping more English learners in China' - paragraph in my admission [2]

This is the last two paragraphs in my essay. Could anyone help me revise it to be more correct and appropriate?

My college years reshape my desire from helping people around me to helping more English learners in China. More than once have I heard English teachers attributed the English teaching situation in China to the test-oriented educational system. Different from them, my major concern is just our teachers' capabilities to change that system into a better one. In fact, a large part of the upcoming innovations in ESL teaching in China relies on our teachers' capabilities to challenge out-dated solutions to problems that always exist. Therefore, I intend to dedicate myself to improving the ESL teaching body in China's public schools.

Thank you!!

Writing Feedback / "Teamwork = Potential Risks" - IBT integrated writing about team work [NEW]

In the lecture, the speaker shows his disapproval toward the statements made in the reading in three aspects.
In the first place, he says the process of cooperation in a team may not be as satisfying as stated in the reading. People who are not dedicated to the team may rely on others to take on more work and people who really dedicated can not be justifiably given recognition since rewards are usually given to the team as a whole. As a result, people may grow grudge about working in the team with a result that few would really shine in such a team.

In the second place, the speaker rejects the idea that work would be finished more swiftly in a team. People with different believes and routes of practice may diverge on some issues, adding to the time needed to finish a job.

In the last place, the speaker fully defies the positive role of authorities in a group in that more risky yet not worthwhile decisions would be made in a team. In fact, many decisions made by these authorities in a team may involve a lot of risks and others in the team may not dare to speak up the peril these decisions would put the whole team in so that dangers may happen. Besides that, some good and creative ideas could be blocked by these people if their personally do not relate to these ideas which can be valuable ones though.

In conclusion, team work in fact contains many potential risks. Contrary to the benefits in the reading, a team may not be able to bring so many benefits to individuals in it and the group as a whole. On the personal level, it may not allow brilliant people to shine but leaders to make unnecessary mistakes in decision-making. Also, the operation process may lag due to the time consumed reaching a consensus and the added wrong decisions made by leaders in that team.

Writing Feedback / Should teacher give students in the same group the same grade after a task? [4]

Could anybody help me make this piece of writing better. Please help me find out the mistakes or the places that could be expressed more properly. Thanks!! Should teachers give all students in the same group the same grade after a task?

MY ANSWER:

Today's students have to join a lot of group work during classes. After those classes, however, teachers will meet with the problems as to scoring each member of a group and this grade is usually regarded as the representation of each member's performance in that group. Do we need to give the same grade to all members to underline the sense of team involved in those tasks or is it better to score differently according to different parts of job and different performances of the students? I think the later would work better for it precludes grudges in the team and gives students the motivation to do better.

In this first place, a group cannot be called a group if members in the group only care about their own part of work or totally leave the work to other members. Even though members are assigned to different kinds of work, all their participations combine to determine the success of a group. For example, to conduct a survey successful students have to find people to design the whole activity, distribute questionnaires in the street, analyze results and use the computer to put the results into words and graphs. Tasks of different nature have to be assigned to suitable ones to guarantee their task could be finished efficiently. To give credit to everyone's contribution to the group, maybe it's good idea to give them all the same grade. However, this will turn out totally unfair for some students.

Those students may be the ones that devote extraordinarily to the group. For example, for an acting club, the ones who wrote the script for the drama for the whole group to work on may deserve the most. To begin with, they may have to play roles while being responsible to explain the lines and settings to others. Maybe he or she will also take up the job of the director automatically since no one can understand this drama even better the writer. So it's would be unreasonable for people like this to receive grades like everyone else.

Another dominant drawback of the system of giving all students in the same group the same grade would be dereliction of duty on part on some less invested members in the group. Those members may not be as devoted because their capacities can not be displayed in the group. As a result, these people are very likely to delay their work or leave it to others to finish. When this happens and the teacher happens to fail to notice this, others may feel especially irritated to see all of them get the same grade.

Generally speaking, even though I admit that a sense of team needs to be maintained and promoted among group members to encourage them to more cooperation more willingly, I don't think this only advantage would overweight the various disadvantages of this practice. Devoted students may be disencouraged and laziness can be bred. For an alternative, I think people could compare the work of each member in the group to people in other groups for a more justifiable judgment because it makes more sense to compare people doing the same kind of work.All in all, the practice of giving students in one group all the same grade would be dangerous and detrimental to the operation of that group.

Writing Feedback / Do you think parents are the best teachers. Toefl IBt wrting excercise [4]

Could any one help me with this tofel writing to give me some adviceon the language or the structure.Any advice will be appreciated. THanks!

Do you think parents are the best teachers we will meet in our lives. Give your reasons.
My answer:
Parents are definitely the very first teachers in our life. But are parents the best teachers? When it comes to questions like this, a definition is needed to tell us what the best teacher is in the first place. If I am to give my version, I would go with the definition that the best teacher is one who can teacher the most effectively and who themselves always want to do dedicate the students. In this connection, parents may not be called the best teacher.

Firstly, parents are admittedly the ones with the most caring spirits to us. Mothers give birth to us and we grow up accompanied by the cares and instructions given by parents all along till they leave us. It is clear that parents are the ones most emotionally related to us, no wonder they are unfailingly the first ones to come to us to offer their aid and advice when we meets with difficulties in life. In this sense, parents are the best teachers emotionally speaking.

Secondly, however, most parents still lack certain skills to deserve the entitlement of the best teacher in one's life. In this regard, teachers with official training and adequate storage of knowledge in their respective fields override. Teachers, primarily the ones we meet in schools and colleges, are qualified to train students to adapt to the society. What they can impart with us include how to get a degree and how to cultivate our potential in academic fields. These aret things that parents cannot not do. Though some families choose to home school their children, not every family can afford to do so. Not only because many parents don't have the time, but because most parents have less authority in how to teach effectively and scientifically. Home-schooling, though with many successful examples are not feasible to most families.

Further more, many other people from all walks of life can also turn out very good "teachers". For examples, the superintendent in the company may not teach people directly as parents or teachers do, but they set models for people who want to flourish in the workplace. That means parents cannot teach all one needs to deal with all spheres of life. The best teacher is hard to find.

Finally, as my definition goes, parents are still some distance away from the best teachers. Though they are the ones who have the most ardent intent to educate their children well and it is them who most want to the best teachers for their children, they themselves are not convincingly the best ones. The best teachers have to be equipped with the best teaching skills. But still, we have to learn also from other people come across with us during life. Generally speaking, few in the world can really deserve to be called the best teachers. Like parents, even the most outstanding teachers in the school can still lack certain defining qualities of the best teachers. However, since parents can still teach us a lot in terms of studying, working and living, I would like to count parents among the best teachers in one's life.

Writing Feedback / Some practices harmed Chinese people's interests and damaged their emotions - GRE [3]

Hi,everyone. I'm taking the AW very soon and very much worried about my writing skill. Could anyone help me out? Thanks for any progress in advance:)

212If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
What goals should be defined as worthy to attain? The answer should be the goals which are both justifiable in its initiative and in the means taken to achieve them.The author unfairly exclude the means taken to achieve a goal from the judgment of its value, thus claiming that whatever goals with a good intention worth commitment of people. However, history is replete with examples where the author's contention has been applied, yet to be repudiated by the humanity as a whole. While some methods taken to achieve a goal may impede the achievement of the goal itself, some methods taken for some goals might actually undermine other interests of the humanity.

First and foremost, the means taken to achieve a goal can in turn prevent the goal from being achieved, thus rendering itself worthless. An example comes from the realm ecology serves aptly to exemplify this opinion. In a district where the ecosystem has been dominated by one species from other ecosystem due to the lack of preyers on this species, people in most cases can not try to solve the problem by simply introducing its preyers to the very same ecosystem. The reason is that the end of one problem in this case will be ensued by other, which makes the endeavor to the protection of the ecosystem fruitless.

In the second place, the means taken to achieve a goal, seemingly justifiable in the eyes of one group of people, can be unjustifiable, or even egregious in the eyes of different groups of people. While people who benifits from that goal tend to embrace it without reservations, people whose interests will be violated through the carrying out of that goal will go to great length to oppose it. Some scenarios during the wartime come immediatelly to mind. One of them is the lethal human experimentation performed by the Japanese armies on the Chinese civilians. Numourous experiments concering the evaluation of drug effects or the functioning of human body had been imposed primarily by the notorious Unit 731 on innocent Chinese people. Even though such experiements have, to some extend, boosted scientific advancements in Japanese scientific scence, these practices had actually harmed Chinese people's interests and damaged their emotions. As a result, these experiments will be totally out of the question when judged from the side of Chinese people. Regardless of whatever benefits the implementation of a goal will bring to one group of people; it can still be justifiable if it threatens to damage the interests of the rest of people in the world.

In the third place, the goal itself and the method taken to achieve that goal can represent different kinds of concerns existing in the society while the beneficiaries of the goal is the same . It is factaries owners and bussinessmen who would most likely to welcome the building of factories, as opposed to enviormentalists, who would reckon the construction of these factories worthless in terms of the pollution entailed. The supporters and opposers of the same endeavour represent the two different intests required by us, a well-off life and a clean environment. However, these two interests in this case can not be both guaranteed by the implementation of the same goal, thus mutually exclusive in this case. To solve the dilemma, factories owners need to modify their plan and make them as eco-conscious as possible. As a result, a balance is in need between the goals for the protection of the earth and the ones for the achievements of profits.

Futhermore, while the goal itself may be favorable for the achievement of certain short-time interests, the long-time versions of such goals can be unfairly defied by the method taken to achieve the goal or vice versa. One need not to go far beyond the real conditions in the poverty-driven countries to find an evidence. In such a countriy where the needs to develop agricultrue and feed individuals are both pressing, governments will be confronted with the question as to what should be given the priority. While hungry people eager to have enough food, the agriculture undertaking also requires the money which will otherwise be used to buy food. So the goal to feed some people in the short term goes against the long -term goal to feed all the people in the far future.

In the final analysis, a goal that is really worhthy on the humanity level is the goal that is able to satisfy everyone both now and in the future. Granted such a goal rarely exists, we need to evaluate carefully before making the finale decision . However a goal will serve the achievement of certain interest, it won't be justifiable if, by closer examination, has the potential to vioalte broader interests of humanity. In other words, It calls for intelligence to define a really worthy goal.