Graduate / DNP - Graduate Nursing Personal Statement (maternal-child nursing) [3]

pretty good, maybe omit the first paragraph and expand on the work you are doing in community and how that affects your drive...

Undergraduate / Relate your interest in Georgetown to your future goals and chosen course of study. [4]

It is really great to show enthusiasm, make sure you reread out loud before you submit to make sure it flows and double check your commas...

Undergraduate / "Distance of Family" - Personal Essay - UT Transfer [3]

I read some advice on perdue OWL that you should not use cliches or frequently used quotes... you might want o check that sigh to see if there are other suggestions...

Undergraduate / "The moment I am out of the World" - topic of your choice, Ohio Wesleyan Uni [3]

Maybe change or omit the first paragraph... the idea of grabbing their attention is nice, but something is off...
Also in the second paragraph, reread it, their are some grammar mistakes and you should omit Although or but in the sentence that they both appear...

Undergraduate / Chapman essay, the communication program [4]

Maybe instead of struggled, you could say persisted...

Undergraduate / Short admission essay "Tell us about yourself" International student needs help [4]

similar to not similar like...
thousand should be thousands...
so I grew up with only my mother... maybe add... "That only made me stronger and more determined." Not so boo hoo for me, and take out Nevertheless...

Tell what capacity you taught the children ...
Good luck!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Why do you think people attend college or university? 'It opens the door' [5]

Second sentence...Change to 'The most important to me are educational growth and meeting new people.' Third sentence... interfere doesn't seem to fit change to 'provide'

Change First at all to 'First of all"
Take out 'indeed'...
where it says level of education is very important when you make "those" first steps...
Make those changes and read through it all a couple times to see if it flows better

Writing Feedback / Hiking safety - exam practice [3]

maybe looming is a little too dreary, try nearing or a happier synonym...
third paragraph... minor sports (take off the s)...
maybe for the third step, say make sure you bring enough food and water, there are a couple spots where you say 'be brought' that it doesn't seem to flow...

Good luck!

Undergraduate / "there was a car accident" - UNCW application essay, very emotional event [3]

You could probably take out everything from 'after the incident' through '...family and friends' and just make it a bolder statement.
Also the last paragraph has a little repetition.
Good luck!