Writing Feedback / (Internet service and public transportation) - change would make to your home town? [2]

hi, this is my TOEFL essay. I try to finish it in 30mins.
Would you give me opinions about my essay? Thanks in advance.

Q:What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

A:
Personally, I prefer to use a lot of Internet services and go around. Therefore, if I could make some changes to attract people to my hometown like my age, I would like to improve the Internet service and public transportation systems.

Nowadays, people rely on Internet service more than before. They could receive a vast amount of information which could help them make decisions much better. Besides, the Internet service improve our work more efficiency as well. However, in my hometown, there are only a few places which provide wireless Internet service such as fast food restaurants or universities. It is not prevalent and available in many places. If the Internet service has been improved, we can use this service in parks, stations or squares. This means that we can discuss our assignments in many places not only in MacDonald's where we have to fight against the tasty but high calories food during our talking.

Except the Internet service, another change that I want to make is to improve the public transportation. In my hometown, there are a few bus stops. This means that there are many traffic jams and accidents during the rush hours. Providing more runs and stops of bus service is a good way to reduce problems above. On the other hand, there are some benefits to the elder people and youngsters like me. These groups are not suitable to drive on road due to their ages. A convenient and safety way to help these people is to provide a better public transportation. Therefore, a good public transportation will benefit my hometown people in many aspects such as reduced numbers of accident, declined the traffic jams, and a more secure way for the older and youngster people to go around.

To conclude, if people whose ages are like me also prefer to use Internet service and go around, they will like these two improvements that I make. Everywhere available Internet service and more routines of bus service as I mentioned above are the best changes which will appeal people in my age to my hometown.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL-"forest is disappearing but needs to be saved." [8]

HI, I'm Yang, I'm preparing for the toefl test. I need some help to improve my writing skills. There is a topic which asks to choose one disappearing natural resource and why I choose it.(use specific reasons to support) I choose forest. Specific reason:1.biodiversity 2.people can learn more from forest.

After the Industrial Revolution, natural resources have been exploited such as fossil oil, forest, mineral, clean water and so on. The space of exploitation is much faster than ever before. We use them to boost our living standards. However, most of these resources are non renewable, that means, if they have been depleted, they cannot be recovered anymore. In my point of view, among these natural treasures, forest is the most important one that we have to do our best to maintain its integrity. It provides a complex and balance living environment that keeps biodiversity and gives us a circumstance that we can definitely learn a lot from it.

First of all, as we know, there are usually a lot of countless fauna and flora in forest. These organisms interact with each other and consist of complex food chains. If some species are extinct, it may cause the influence on other species directly or indirectly. In the end, it may affect human living. For example, with the deforestation, owls become endangered. Their disappearing increases the number of sparrows. These sparrow forces reduced the amount of corps harvest.

In addition, there are many amazing characters in creatures. These distinguishing aspects can be implemented in to our live. People can learn more by observing and studying these creatures in forest. For example, the streamline body of fish helps scientific engineers to invent the shape of planes. The feature of streamline shape is good for reducing resistance from water or air.

To conclude, people may use resource to benefit their living, however, maintaining the existence of the forest not only avoids the imbalance on biodiversity and biosystem but also provide us a place to study more details from different organisms. As the reasons that I mentioned above, forest is an important natural resource that we should try our best to maintain it.