Writing Feedback / CLEP - "I don't care how poor a person is; if he has family, he's rich." [4]

Hey all. This is just an essay that I wrote during a Peterson's Practice Test for the CLEP College Composition exam. This essay had to be written in 30 minutes, as will the essay on the actual test. I would appreciate any feedback, especially any that can help me improve my on-demand writing skills. Also, just a note, this essay isn't one that can be revised and submitted later. I have 30 minutes to develop a position based on the prompt, write, revise, and submit the essay. I would appreciate it if everyone would keep that in mind while providing feedback. Thanks!!

Assignment: Think carefully about the topic presented below, and write your response by hand on paper. You have 30 minutes to compose an essay which develops your point of view on this issue. Support your discussion with specific reasons and examples from your reading, experience, or observations.

Prompt: I don't care how poor a person is; if he has family, he's rich.

Essay

Oftentimes, people hear the word "rich" and automatically think in monetary terms. The word "rich" is commonly associated with large amounts of money and expensive possessions. Sadly, this is the only understanding of the word that many people have. People have things that bring them pleasure and joy; for some, joy comes about via money and possessions. However, others experience joy through relationships and by receiving spiritual, emotional, and mental riches. For this reason, any person, regardless of social status or the money they have, is rich if he has family.

Most humans seek joy and pleasure. It's our nature. It's how we live. It's almost become our purpose; to seek and achieve pleasure at any cost. All too often, people use mere things for pleasure, such as money, cars, etc. The problem is, those things can be taken away at any time. Those things can be broken at any time. One small spark can send it all up in flames, leaving the owner with nothing. Truthfully, none of it matters, especially if it can be replaced. The irreplaceable things are what matter.

There are different definitions of "family". Some say family is who you live with. Others say family is who you share blood with. I define family as the collection of people that will be there for me no matter what. When one experiences and prioritizes a family by that definition, life changes dramatically. Possessions can't give you something to laugh about. Possessions can't get you loved. Possessions can't be there for you when everything goes wrong. Family does all these things. This makes any man with a family richer than any amount of money and possessions ever could.

There are two main things people in today's world seek: relationships, and possessions. Those who seek possessions, they always need more. And on top of that, it can all be lost in an instant. However, relationships can't be lost, only broken. For this reason, I believe that any person that has a family is far richer than one without a family, regardless of the money either may have.

Writing Feedback / In-class practice - cheating in college should be punished with expulsion [5]

Hey all, just working on my on demand writing skills. Any constructive feedback is appreciated. Thanks! :)

Prompt: Any student caught cheating on an examination should be automatically dismissed from college

Institutions of higher learning are strewn throughout the world in many countries. These institutions exist to pass on current knowledge and to add to the knowledge we humans already have. As a part of these institutions, just as with any schooling, different assignments and tests are assigned and administered to allow the instructors to analyze your progress through the courses. So, what happens when someone cheats on one of these examinations? As institutions of higher learning, colleges and universities exist mainly to pass on knowledge to willing individuals. When cheating occurs, the consequences extend beyond the cheating student and the professor; the whole class, sometimes the whole institution, is affected. Because cheating can have such widespread affects, any student caught cheating in college should be expelled.

Colleges and universities contain so much knowledge within their walls. These institutions contain willing instructors that desire to spread knowledge on to a younger generation. However, these instructors are there with one main purpose - to pass on extensive knowledge that they have gained thus far. Attendance to college is not mandatory. Therefore, one can deduce that many of those attending college have a desire to take in the knowledge that the instructors have to offer. When a student cheats in college, this sends the message that they are not willing to put forth the necessary effort to learn and retain the information they are exposed to. As Sir Francis Bacon once said, "Knowledge is power." Also, in the words of Stan Lee, "With great power comes great responsibility." These students are given more power as they take in more knowledge, but what they do with this power is up to them. They can either accept the responsibility of the power they now have, or they can reject it. Those that reject the responsibility are the ones that look for the easy way out - the cheaters.

Colleges exist to pass on information to willing students from younger generations. When cheaters enter the midst of these hard working, knowledge craving students, problems arise. Cheating causes not only problems for the cheating students later on, but for the professors and other students as well. To reduce the problems caused by cheating, I believe that all colleges should implement a no-tolerance cheating policy which results in the expulsion of any student that cheats in college.

Writing Feedback / Persuasive Essay - "Examine what is said, not him who speaks." ~Arab Proverb [3]

I'm just practicing my on-demand writing skills at the moment, so I randomly picked a quote from a website and gave myself thirty minutes to compose an essay. I'm just looking for feedback on my writing and any tips or strategies that anyone has for improving on-demand writing. Thanks!

"Examine what is said, not him who speaks." ~Arab Proverb

"Examine what is said, not him who speaks." Stop and dwell on that for a minute. Now, what does it mean? Our society has become based on examining external appearances to determine the value someone has. Such a grave mistake it is to judge someone based solely on their looks. Never mind the wealth of knowledge one may have. Forget about the skills they have that could be put to terrific use. The only thing that matters is appearance. This is how our society functions. Regardless of the general policies our society has sent forth, judging by appearance alone is neither ethical nor logical. Therefore, to be ethically and logically sound, our society should use knowledge and content, rather than appearance, to judge the value and effectiveness of something or someone.

Judging by appearance is very common in today's society, and it leads to a multitude of problems. Several hundred years ago, when the slave trade began, the view of white supremacy became significantly more prevalent and led to the enslavement of millions of Africans because they were viewed as a "lesser race." That mentality has continued to exist for centuries, even through the abolishment of slavery in America. For centuries, those with African ancestry were considered property, with only monetary value. However, in the early 1900's, George Washington Carver, an African American, discovered a vast number of uses of the peanut, and through this African American man's intellect and patience, the present world has many amenities that are often taken for granted. This brings to mind the clique phrase "Never judge a book by its cover." If Mr. Carver had been born one hundred years earlier, he would have been a mere piece of property, and he would have had no opportunity at all to entreat our society to his magnificent discoveries.

Appearances, while important, should under no circumstances be the sole method for which the value of something is judged. George Washington Carver was a great inventor, but he was African American. If born at a different point in time, he would have merely been viewed as a piece of property and never given the opportunity to use his intellect to benefit society. Judging anything by appearances is not ethically or morally sound; therefore, to remain ethically and morally sound, modern society should cease to judge solely by appearance, and instead judge based on a multitude of internal characteristics.